At Large Five Things…
posted by on January 17 at 17:12 PM
1. Southwest Airlines boarding procedures turn people into animals—animals.
2. Can I just say how proud I am to have made the McLeod Residence’s list of Seattle Notables—along with my colleagues Jen Graves, Christopher Frizzelle, Charles Mudede, and Juan the Frye Apartment Guy. (But someone needs to tell the McLeod Residence that Real World Danny moved away.)
3. On my way to a theater in Chicago on Friday night I called a friend and asked for directions. He said, “It’s between a Subway and a Starbucks.” I move that the phrase “between a Subway and a Starbucks” be henceforth used in place of the phrase “between a rock and a hard place.” For, you know, obvious reasons: All good things in urban areas find themselves squeezed between a Subway franchise and a Starbucks location these days—with many ultimately squeezed out altogether.
4. At Midway Airport, you will be carded at the bars. You can be a million years old and look it (I sure feel it today), but you’re going to get carded regardless. But you are allowed to carry your drink with you to the gate. So you can buy a drink for a minor—but only if you’re dexterous enough to hand it off to said minor without spilling his drink all over the terrazzo.
5. When I was 15 years-old I was on a high school field trip to I-don’t-remember-where. It was far, though, way the fuck out in the ‘burbs someplace. An older student that I admired—okay, a senior I desperately wanted to fuck—looked out the window of the bus, sighed, and said, “You couldn’t pay me to live out here.” I just spent three days in McHenry, Illinois, where I had a nice time—it was actually pretty relaxing. I got some reading done, some writing, and there’s an dishonest-to-God faux cafe near walking distance from my mom’s house with free wifi. (And far too many people saying grace before they eat their bear claws.) But you couldn’t pay me to live out there.
Jen Graves doesn't get a shout-out for making the list too? harsh.
“It’s between a Subway and a Starbucks.”
Truly the phrase that describes Anytown, USA.
Ha point # 5 reminds me of my favorite Talking Heads song, Big Country...
"I wouldn't do the things, that i see those people do. I wouldn't live there if you paid me to!..."
I flat-out refuse to fly Southwest. I did my time on Greyhound, thank you very much.
Oh, and I meant to imply that the Frye Apartment guy was a colleague. Post amended to include Graves. It's a long list, in no particular order. I only skimmed it. Sorry, Jen! No slight intended!
Dude, that Southwest picture is freaking me out. I had to check nytimes.com to make sure there hadn't been a plane crash today. Is that photoshop? Please, I'm so confused and scared and flying Southwest on Sunday.
Juan the Frye Apartment Guy
Are you sure theyre not referring to Pedro who stands in front of PAcific Place letting us all know that SEATTLE POLICE IS COMMUNIST!!
Jen deserves props for her recent use of the word 'windbaggery' (which I hope becomes the new term for all panel discussions). For example:
"There's a great windbaggery going on tonight at the gallery between a Subway and a Starbucks."
In Portland, where neighborhoods are rapidly changing, but with a new urban sameness, we often use "Between a french bakery and a wine bar".
@6 - midway airport in chicago is surrounded by surface streets. a southwest plane overshot and slid into traffic, killing a little kid that was in the back seat of a car that was driving down the street.
it has its own fawking web site. who knew?
Thanks Charles.
Southwest does turn people into animals. At midway I recently got shoved out of the middle of the "A" boarding group by an old woman. She actually knocked the my stuff out of my arms so I would have to pick it up all so she could get a fucking exit row. Ridiculous.
I flew Southwest for the first time several years ago to Las Vegas and back. It was a horrible experience, and I've never in my life been treated so literally like cattle - they've got everything but the prods, and they figuratively shove your nose into the cowpies and rub. I'll never do it again; the extra dollars for a reserved-seat and a tiny shred of dignity are worth it to me personally.
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