Savage Love Savage Love Poll
posted by January 11 at 15:51 PM
onToday I got into a debate with a “Savage Love” reader. He felt that his fetish—he’s into amputees—was less kinky than BDSM. I begged to differ. We leave it to you, Slog readers, to decide. Who’s kinkier? Dudes that want to make sweet, sweet vanilla love to girls and/or boys that happen to be missing one or more limbs? Or dudes that want to be tied up and smacked around by girls and/or boys with four fully functioning limbs?
Vote for the one you think is kinkier…
Thanks to Mr. B. for helping my tech-unsavvy ass pull this poll together. And sorry about the graphic—the very cheesy, highly heterosexist graphic. It was imposed on us in a non-consensual fashion.
Comments
My favorite part of this poll is how the (somewhat) flesh colored phallus that indicates the percentage that voted for "amputee fetish" pokes into the circular part of the female symbol.
I'm sure I'll lose on this one, but BDSM is kinkier, but amputee fetish is weirder.
At a certain level, being turned on by amputees is like being turned on by blondes, brunettes, or girls with big boobs.
BDSM is way kinkier, as I think the motivations are fueled from a deeper, darker part of the brain.
More interesting would be whether the BDSM fetishist or a trannie fetishist would be considered weirder -- most people think missing a limb is bad and therefore searching for that in your sex partner is strange, but what about a person who had a body part changed instead of merely removed?
I'm with John @ 2, it really comes down to how you define your terms. BDSM can be anywhere from "I like it when my wife smacks my ass" to the worst Gor-wannabe crap. And I agree, amputee fetishists are more weird than kinky. In general, a fetish for a physical characteristic that doesn't occur naturally in a healthy human seems contradictory to human nature.
Then again, I'm turned off by most body modification, including ear piercing, so what do I know?
Except that BDSM is a kink in an aspect of relationships that everyone has -- power, control -- while amputee fetish is completely unrelated to experiences common to all. Amputee fetish is much kinkier.
Incidentally, what's wrong with the graphic? It's clearly a gay couple, one gentleman of indeterminate heritage, and the other a Scot.
amputee-fetishists, fat-admirers, rice-queens, maybe tranny-chasers (?), etc... People who completely fetishize particular physical aspects of their partner, over which their partner has little or no control, seems wierd to me... BDSM you can do with any partner who's GGG, but amputee-fetisization not so much.
(Granted, this is coming from a white girl who's always had a thing for asian guys, so... you know... grain of salt and all that. It's not a fetish, it's just a crush...)
Yay verily, BDSM is virtually mainstream these days.
BDSM is well-known, but that's not the point. Sex with an amputee is normal sex, only with someone who happens to be missing a limb. It's just two people having sex. BDSM is an entirely different way to have sex. It's clearly the kinkier kink. More common, yes. But kinky.
When I read this the first thing I thought of was that amputee fetishists are like people who prefer blonds or brunettes, big boobs or small boobs...
It's not normal, because normal sexuality generally indicates you want to mate with the person who will give you the healthiest offspring, and being attracted to a disabled member of the pack isn't going to do that for you. But I'm a lesbian, so what do I know about normal.
I think BDSM is kinkier, amputee fetish is just weird.
Enigma
Matthew said "sex with an amputee is normal sex, only with someone who happens to be missing a limb."
No one is arguing that having sex with an amputee is kinky, what's kinky is being attracted specifically (or soley) to people with amputations.
I agree with those who said this is hard to judge as bdsm covers a lot of ground from an occasional smack on the ass up to a 24/7 TPE relationship that involves branding, ageplay, breath control, needleplay etc etc.
TPE relationship?
"total power exchange"
The way we're drawing a line here between weird and kinky is interesting. I pondered on it a moment and decided that the minute you start wondering about stump-insertion, as I did almost immediately, weird has nothing to do with it - it's all kinky, all the time.
Mrobvious wrote:
"No one is arguing that having sex with an amputee is kinky, what's kinky is being attracted specifically (or soley) to people with amputations."
Glad somebody said that! I'm an amputee and see nothing especially kinky about me, you know, being.
I've also been approached most of my adult life by guys attracted to amputees. The reality is that BDSM is not the only kink that enjoys a spectrum. Devotees (that's what the (mostly) guys into amps are called) also fall on a spectrum from mildly interested to stalker.
I was in a relationship with a great guy for over si years that fell on the interested side of the scale. There was no objectification. No drooling. No obession.
There was, however, a shared interest, inside jokes, and a level of acceptance and understanding that most guys don't have. Rather than being uncomfortable with my limb difference, we had open and fun conversations about it. We even had a nickname for it.
And one other benefit: My stump is very sensitive. It feels great being touched and licked. He would do that. And he liked doing it as much as I liked having it done. (Bonus!) Most guys would not.
On the other side of the spectrum are the complete objectifiers. They follow amps, take pictures without permission and post on websites, and share stories about having sex with amps.
These are the guys who generally freak out the amps. Almost all of my amp friends have stories of being followed by devotees. Generally the following and 'secret" picture taking don't work so good.
Another even more disturbing facet of this fetish are the guys who are into disabled people because they see disability as helplessness and want to control the person.
This is pretty disturbing. Since most people I know are independent people going about their life and being helpless is exactly what they have been fighting *against* all their lives.
So, the amputee fetish can be kinky if it is extreme. Like everything else.
Just the perspective of a sexually adventurous amputee.
Liz: You don't have to have a stump fetish to think about insertion.
You just need to be ambitious.
If amputee fetish wins, who gets the trophy?
First we need to know the shape of the trophy.
I'm an amputee and acrotomophilia really squicks me out. On the other hand if Uma Thurman showed up at my door and told me that she was really into guys with stumps I'd be in a quandary. I mean I'd do her, but I'd be conflicted about it.
The amputee fetish is kinkier in my opinion, at least in most circumstances. Note that sex with an amputee itself isn't kinkier, but to have a specific fetish for it is, in my opinion. I don't think that having "normal, vanilla sex" excludes something from being downright kinky. Someone could have "normal, vanilla sex" with pretty much anyone or anything... a stuffed animal, dead body, a dolphin. I'm not comparing amputees to any of those things, just saying that even if you're doing it missionary style with the least imagination possible, a kink can still be involved in sex. And with that in mind, to me at least, "kinkier" means less common. I don't think that "weird" should necessarily be used, because weird is purely subjective. Unusual might be a better word.
Son: Daddy, what do yo do for a living?
Savage: I write about sex. and I use the word "fuck" a lot. I have fun about amputees. I ridicule people. It's a living.
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