Chow Rich Milk Chocolate—with a Kick!
posted by January 5 at 12:26 PM
onThis might just be paranoia, but I think everyone in the office thinks that I will do anything for a laugh. But when Megan Seling walks in the office this morning and says, “Ari, I have something I want you to eat,” I automatically think it’s going to be something gross.
I was right.
Here’s a pictorial of what happened:
Don’t these look like little rabbit turds? Hard, dry rabbit turds? Like what rabbit turds would look like if rabbits only shot up heroin and ate saltines.
Here I am eating the pop rocks. I have a great deal of apprehension in my face.
The pop rocks don’t start popping at first. You have to suck the chocolate off. Shudder.
You have to suck the chocolate off before the pop rocks start popping. I need to repeat that part. You can see why.
Verdict: Gross City.
I do these things so you don’t have to, folks.
Comments
The guys on the MythBusters TV show did an experiment to see if coca-cola and pop rocks would explode your stomache. They got a pig stomache and filled it with a few liters of coke and a few bags of pop rocks. By closing off the ends of the stomache, they were able to make it explode eventually. But it stretched an amazing amount, and in real life, the gas would escape via burps or farts long before it could rupture a stomache. So while chocolate pop rocks may be gross, they won't kill you, even when mixed with soda pop.
Are those actually astronaut kitty cats on your shirt? rad.
And here I thought Ari Spool was a guy!
Thanks for sharing Lawk Hawk! I've always wondered. And yes, Longball, these are the Kennedy Space Center Kitties! And no, Genevieve, I am not a guy! But I have a boy name, so don't feel bad.
Ever think the decision-makers at the snack company are just bored? What other possible explanation could there be? I'm picturing a discussion like this:
"Look, we've pretty much got the artificial fruit bases covered. And as we all know, science has yet to produce any convincing artificial vegetable flavors, so that's off the table."
"Sushi pop rocks?"
"Impractical."
"Pancake pop rocks?"
"Too breakfasty. Fuck it, how about chocolate?"
"It is the single most popular flavoring in the snack universe."
"True. We all know the public can't get enough of their damn milk chocolate."
"I say we go with milk chocolate and then we can all get the hell out of here."
"Seconded. Show of hands? Chocolate it is. Alright, let's call it a day. Cocktails?"
OR... "hey, we've got fifty tons of chocolate that the boys downstairs don't know what to do with. it needs to go. what do we do with it?"
"Fuck it just run the poprocks through it and let's call it a day. Cocktails?"
Ari... i must try these even though i know they are disgusting. WHERE CAN I FIND THEM?!
Hey Alexis- we got them at the 7/11 on 15th and Denny.
GO WRITE FOR THE STRANGER YOU STRAGERY (damn, or was it Strangey?)
Anyhoot, this was delightful.
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