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Friday, January 5, 2007

Rich Milk Chocolate—with a Kick!

posted by on January 5 at 12:26 PM

This might just be paranoia, but I think everyone in the office thinks that I will do anything for a laugh. But when Megan Seling walks in the office this morning and says, “Ari, I have something I want you to eat,” I automatically think it’s going to be something gross.

I was right.

poprocks.JPG

Here’s a pictorial of what happened:

turds.JPG

Don’t these look like little rabbit turds? Hard, dry rabbit turds? Like what rabbit turds would look like if rabbits only shot up heroin and ate saltines.

eating.JPG

Here I am eating the pop rocks. I have a great deal of apprehension in my face.

in mouth.JPG

The pop rocks don’t start popping at first. You have to suck the chocolate off. Shudder.

grossface.JPG

You have to suck the chocolate off before the pop rocks start popping. I need to repeat that part. You can see why.

thumbsdown.JPG

Verdict: Gross City.

I do these things so you don’t have to, folks.

RSS icon Comments

1

The guys on the MythBusters TV show did an experiment to see if coca-cola and pop rocks would explode your stomache. They got a pig stomache and filled it with a few liters of coke and a few bags of pop rocks. By closing off the ends of the stomache, they were able to make it explode eventually. But it stretched an amazing amount, and in real life, the gas would escape via burps or farts long before it could rupture a stomache. So while chocolate pop rocks may be gross, they won't kill you, even when mixed with soda pop.

Posted by Lark Hawk | January 5, 2007 12:46 PM
2

Are those actually astronaut kitty cats on your shirt? rad.

Posted by longball | January 5, 2007 12:46 PM
3

And here I thought Ari Spool was a guy!

Posted by genevieve | January 5, 2007 12:55 PM
4

Thanks for sharing Lawk Hawk! I've always wondered. And yes, Longball, these are the Kennedy Space Center Kitties! And no, Genevieve, I am not a guy! But I have a boy name, so don't feel bad.

Posted by Ari Spool | January 5, 2007 12:58 PM
5

Ever think the decision-makers at the snack company are just bored? What other possible explanation could there be? I'm picturing a discussion like this:
"Look, we've pretty much got the artificial fruit bases covered. And as we all know, science has yet to produce any convincing artificial vegetable flavors, so that's off the table."
"Sushi pop rocks?"
"Impractical."
"Pancake pop rocks?"
"Too breakfasty. Fuck it, how about chocolate?"
"It is the single most popular flavoring in the snack universe."
"True. We all know the public can't get enough of their damn milk chocolate."
"I say we go with milk chocolate and then we can all get the hell out of here."
"Seconded. Show of hands? Chocolate it is. Alright, let's call it a day. Cocktails?"

Posted by flamingbanjo | January 5, 2007 1:20 PM
6

OR... "hey, we've got fifty tons of chocolate that the boys downstairs don't know what to do with. it needs to go. what do we do with it?"

"Fuck it just run the poprocks through it and let's call it a day. Cocktails?"

Posted by bitter as fuck | January 5, 2007 1:39 PM
7

Ari... i must try these even though i know they are disgusting. WHERE CAN I FIND THEM?!

Posted by Alexis (the one that moved to Portland!) | January 5, 2007 5:54 PM
8

Hey Alexis- we got them at the 7/11 on 15th and Denny.

Posted by Ari Spool | January 6, 2007 3:03 PM
9

GO WRITE FOR THE STRANGER YOU STRAGERY (damn, or was it Strangey?)

Anyhoot, this was delightful.

Posted by Stefanie Hatcher | January 7, 2007 5:20 AM

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