Sex Glory To The New Born Queen
posted by on January 17 at 11:59 AM
Think about it. A female chimp called Teresa gave birth to a girl without mating the males in a place called Chimp Haven in Shreveport, La. With this information, what must immediately come to mind is Hortus Conclusus, those Renaissance paintings of the Virgin Mary.
From Wikipedia:
Christian tradition states that Jesus Christ was conceived to Mary supernaturally and without disrupting her virginity by the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Holy Trinity. As such, Mary in much Medieval and Rennaissance art was shown in or near a walled garden or yard. This was a representation of her “closed off” womb, which was to remain untouched.
A bright star now shines over Chimp Haven, over Virgin Teresa, over her immaculate chimpanzee. Praised be her name.
Except for the fact that Teresa is not a virgin; she's given birth to ten prior offspring. Tracy is just the latest after a 13 year hiatus.
Ape gods work in mysterious ways...
Hail Teresa, full of grace.
Our Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among chimps,
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
Holy Teresa, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners,
now and at the hour of our death.
Amen.
Divine intervention or a botched vasectomy? You be the judge!!!
Apparently all of the male monkeys in the place were supposedly neutered. Maybe they missed one, or maybe it is the work of our lord FSM.
Oddly, the people running the place didn't even realize that Teresa was pregnant. She didn't show up for feeding one day, and the next morning showed up with her new baby chimp, which came as a complete surprise to the staff. Another sign of divine intervention? Or a sign of an unobservant staff?
Praise his noodley appendage.
Clearly this is chimp parthenogenesis, since the offspring was also a female. Not possibly the case with the baby boy Jesus.
But then again, perhaps -- just to fuck with all the Christians' heads (and ours) -- this baby girl chimp really IS the Lord's Second Coming(tm) ...
I can only hope.
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