Ari Spool is here with Eric Grandy, a case of Coors, a bottle of Cristalino, some lime vodka, a quart of cranberry juice, and her official SOTU drinking game rules.
I’m here with my keyboard.
Congressman Jim McDermott is in Washington, D.C., and will be joining us after the speech to offer his thoughts and answer a few questions. (Got a question for the Congressman? Put it in the comments.)
Now all that’s left is for the president to arrive… in about 20 minutes.
While we wait, fill in the blank: “The state of the union is __________”
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6:10 PM “I have a high privilege and distinct honor of my own—as the first President to begin the State of the Union message with these words: Madam Speaker.” How nice. And Pelosi is looking very pure and very un-San-Francisco liberal in her white suit. And Ari and Eric are getting ready to drink “whenever he insults our intelligence.”
6:11 PM Praying for the speedy return of Democratic Senator Tim Johnson, huh? Ari and Eric don’t believe it. They’re drinking.
6:14 PM “Like many before us, we can work through our differences, and achieve big things for the American people.” (Or just keep flailing. )
6:15 PM “This economy is on the move.” Right. And freedom is on the march, and the terrorists are on the run, and Ari is now on her third shot.
6:16 PM “First, we must balance the Federal budget. We can do so without raising taxes.” And flowers in Baghdad, and WMDs, and Ari and Eric are drinking again.
6:18 PM “We need to make sure our children are prepared for the jobs of the future.” Because, as the president’s said in the past, “The illiteracy level of our children are appalling.”
6:19 PM Eric says: “Those kids are going to need their math skills to keep track of the casualties.” Drinks.
6:21 PM Ari says: “Wait, so how’s he paying for this new healthcare plan?” Exactly.
6:26 PM “For too long our nation has been dependent on foreign oil.” Where have we heard that before? Oh yeah, last year, and the year before, and the year before that.
6:27 PM Ari has a new rule: A drink for every time the word “terrorist” comes up.
6:28 PM Dan walks in and asks: “Why is Sen. Ted Stevens clapping at a line about Americans using less oil?” Pause. “Oh, right. Because it’s never going to happen.”
6:31 PM “Five years have come and gone since we saw the scenes and felt the sorrow that terrorists can cause. We have had time to take stock of our situation.” And time to decide… Our situation is great!
6:33 PM “Our success in this war is often measured by the things that did not happen.” Eric says: “If success is measured in things that haven’t happened, then this war is going great.”
6:36 PM “And so it remains the policy of this Government to use every lawful and proper tool of intelligence, diplomacy, law enforcement, and military action to do our duty, to find these enemies, and to protect the American people.” Ari says: “Oh, lawful tools, yeah, like… suspending habeus corpus.” Drinks.
6:38 PM “Free people are not drawn to violent and malignant ideologies.” So John McCain was wrong about America’s “agents of intolerance”?
6:40 PM “This is not the fight we entered in Iraq, but it is the fight we are in.” Eric and Ari, now at 17 shots, start singing: “We didn’t start the fire…”
6:43 PM “We did not drive al Qaeda out of their safe haven in Afghanistan only to let them set up a new safe haven in a free Iraq.” Ari: “Woah. I don’t even know what to say to that. Drink.”
6:45 PM “The war on terror we fight today is a generational struggle that will continue long after you and I have turned our duties over to others…” Have fun Hillary… Or Edwards, or Obama, or McCain.
6:50 PM “American foreign policy is more than a matter of war…” Now he tells us.
6:53 PM Ari asks: “Is Dikembe Mutombo touching Laura Bush? When do you think was the last time she was touched by a black man?”
6:55 PM More Grandy pics requested from the comments. And we aim to please…
6:59 PM The conclusion: “The State of our Union is strong … our cause in the world is right … and tonight that cause goes on.” And as for the state of Ari and Eric’s livers… They say: “STRONG!”
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Webb’s response: “This is the seventh time the president has mentioned energy independence in a state of the union message, but it is the first time it has taken place in a Democratic Congress.”
“The middle class of this country… is losing it’s place at the table.”
Under the Democrats: “The House just passed a minimum wage increase, the first in 10 years.”
“With respect to foreign policy, this country has patiently endured a mismanaged war for four years.”
“The majority of our country no longer supports the way this war is being fought, nor does the majority of the military, nor the majority of this Congress.”
ADDENDUM: OK, you caught us. Liveblogging is hard, it moves really fast, so yes, we did take a drinky picture or two before the speech, just to make the liveblogging go more quickly. However! Ari and Eric were here watching and drinking and bitching the whole time the president was speaking, and if you want the photographic, dark-windowed proof, here it is: