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Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Xmas Miracle: Trump Saves Miss USA

posted by on December 19 at 9:46 AM

If you’ve been watching the tabs lately, you already know that Miss USA TARA CONNER has been in a heap of trouble, after she was spotted whooping it up in the NYC nightclubs (and by “whooping it up” I mean underage drinking, snorting blow, and tongue kissing Miss Teen USA Katie Blair—Whoop! Whoop!). And over the past weekend the Miss USA organizer DONALD “Fuck YOU, I’m the Donald” TRUMP has been deliberating over whether to make Conner give up her crown.
WELL, THE VERDICT IS IN.
And Trump has decided to let Miss USA STAY Miss USA as long as she goes into rehab! OMG, what a mensch!

“She’s agreed to go into rehab. She knows that if she makes even the slightest mistake from here on, she will be immediately replaced,” said Trump. The carefully coifed billionaire explained that he will use Conner as a role model. “I believe she can do a tremendous service to young people.”

Conner thanked Trump for the pardon saying, “I’ve had a very big blessing bestowed on me. It truly takes someone with a wonderful heart, a heart of gold and a blessed soul.

WOW. Now you can leave work and say, “Today I heard something that has never been uttered before in the history of humankind.”

musa1.jpg
For a moment, let’s imagine these two making out.

RSS icon Comments

1

Oh momma. Someone, please get a video of those two making out. And the thought of that Tara broad doin blow, etc...wow.

That said, why doesn't she just step down and do what every 20 yo hottie in the world is doing? Being a beauty queen is nice, but it seems to be cramping her style...

Posted by Mike in MO | December 19, 2006 9:52 AM
2

This is what we have come to: Miss USA is a drunken underage whore.

Hurry up, call our debt and annex us, China.

Posted by Gomez | December 19, 2006 9:59 AM
3

ZOMG, how old is Miss USA, anyway? She looks 40.

Posted by catty | December 19, 2006 10:02 AM
4

I'd like to see these two in a threesome with that 17-year-old who got 10 years for a BJ. These kids are hot to trot!

Posted by Matthew | December 19, 2006 10:04 AM
5

catty, on the Today show they said Miss USA just turned 21 yesterday. ZOMG indeed.

Posted by wendy | December 19, 2006 10:04 AM
6


I'm happy about the decision. Tara seems nice...she's was on Project Runway after all!

I will say though, that I saw a show about that pageant and the runner-up, Tomiko Nash, from California was extremely cool. She had never been in a pageant before (except for Miss California) and got second place in Miss USA.

Posted by Go Tara | December 19, 2006 10:16 AM
7

Okay, not only does Miss USA look 40 years old, but apparently she could only afford to get a boob job on her left boob? Is the other one on layaway, or did she sell the silicone to buy some blow?

Posted by him | December 19, 2006 10:25 AM
8

Because I'm a blonde, I don't have to think.
I talk like a baby, and I never pay for drinks.
Don't have to worry 'bout getting a man
If I keep this blonde and I keep these tan,
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I see people workin, it just makes me giggle
'Cause I don't have to work; I just have to giggle.
'Cause I'm a blonde, B-L-O-N-D.
'Cause I'm a blonde; don't you wish you were me?

I never learned to read, and I never learned to cook.
Why should I bother when I look like I look?
I know lots of people are smarter than me,
But I have this philosophy:
So what?
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I see girls without dates, and I feel so sorry for 'em,
'Cause whenever I'm around, all the men ignore 'em,
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

They say that to make it, you need talent and ambition.
Well, I got a TV show, and this was my audition:
Umm ... okay ... what was it? ... umm ...
Don't tell me ... Oh, yeah, okay.
"Duck, Magnum, duck!"
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I took an IQ test, and I flunked it of course.
I can't spell VW, but I gotta Porsche,
'Cause I'm blonde, B-L-I-N-D.
'Cause I'm a blonde; don't you wish you were me?

[spoken]
I just want to say that being chosen this month's Miss August
Is, like, a compliment that I'll remember for as long as I can.
Right now I'm a freshman in my fourth year at UCLA,
But, my goal is to become a veterinarian 'cause I love children!

'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause were a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Girls think I'm snotty, and maybe it's true.
With my hair and body, you would be too.
I'm a blonde, B-L- ... I don't know!
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah.
'Cause I'm a blonde, yeah, yeah, yeah!

Posted by monkey | December 19, 2006 10:26 AM
9

Translation: The Donald got the best and longest hummer in world history.

Posted by Orson | December 19, 2006 10:45 AM
10

HAHAHAHAAH (parent)

Posted by charles | December 19, 2006 10:59 AM
11


Viva West Coast Julie Brown! Love her.

Posted by Love Julie | December 19, 2006 11:18 AM
12

Wow. Mediocre-looking bleach-blondes with plastic smiles are Miss USA and Miss Teen USA.

There’s a shocker.

Posted by TCE | December 19, 2006 11:22 AM
13

Maybe being gay clouds my judgment, but those are two of the ugliest young women I have ever seen.

Posted by Lanik | December 19, 2006 11:40 AM
14

Who in the world are the judges at these events? Bones sticking out of the neck, over-bleached hair, fake smile. and she is Miss USA?

Posted by roots | December 19, 2006 12:47 PM
15

Holy shit. I can see rib cage. I'm gonna puke.

Posted by Yikes | December 19, 2006 1:26 PM
16

So, can anyone explain rehab to me in these contexts? It seems like a lot of people who like to party but aren't necessarily turning to drink or drug even on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis, are checking into rehab. I mean, I like to party and have been seen out of my gourd from time to time. Do I need rehab?

Take, e.g., Mel Gibson, Mark Foley, even Lindsay Lohan, Britney, or Nicole Richie. Is it really about resolving a substance abuse problem or saving face?

Posted by SB | December 19, 2006 1:57 PM
17


That's a terrible photo of Tara C. She's actually quite pretty.

Pagaents are weird.

Posted by boo | December 19, 2006 2:06 PM
18

@ 16

It's all about saving face, minimizing liability and mitigating consequence of action.

In these situations the quickest way to get who ever you're obligated to off of your back and satisfied that you're penitent is currently rehab. Here's one big problem wiht that. It creates ankle chains in the form of a paper trail. Once you've taken that rehab shortcut to absolution you've publicly acknowledged that you feel you have a problem (regardless of whether it's actual or perceived). That way, your next fuck up under the influence has the potential for compounded consequences due to the fact that you've continued down the same path knowing it's "wrong".

Look, Americans don't perceive themselves as responsible enough to decide their diet or their vices for themselves these days. Absolule peril is increasingly one snot rocket on the sidewalk away.

You're in the public eye, you stir up some free pub with a crotch shot and a fortnight of debauchery and the Star Chamber is convened for situation control. Can't have the public thinking it's ok to engage in any leisure activity that isn't shopping or watching, there for one "Oh Shit" must wipe out all of your "atta boys" if you plan on doing any indulging.

Insurance Casinos and Christian Boot Camps are setting the fucking pace right now. Aren't you just excited?

Posted by I Should Know, I Used To Be Fr. Sarducci | December 19, 2006 3:09 PM
19

Tara's right tit is even weirder looking than the left one: http://projectgay.blogspot.com/2006/12/call-to-arms-for-fabulosity.html

Posted by Fnarf | December 19, 2006 4:24 PM
20

@ 18

Beautiful, and thanks for your POV. I am excited, only because I plan on doing lots of indulging--drinking, drugs, sex, photos of my naked and bald privates in magazines--all in front of the public eye if possible. It is time to push the envelope and take back freedom of choice with no apologies!

Posted by SB | December 19, 2006 9:57 PM
21
Posted by Flights | January 2, 2007 11:45 PM

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