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Friday, December 22, 2006

When Brown Bunnies Turn Bad

posted by on December 22 at 14:04 PM

ATTENTION LADIES! For a mere $50,000 (plus expenses) actor/writer/director Vincent Gallo can be all yours—for a night, at least. ($100,000 for a full weekend.)

vincent-gallo.jpg

Update: In the comments, Andrew Hitchcock—who managed to read farther down on Gallo’s page than I did—points out this bit of lunacy in a post where Gallo offers to sell his sperm for $1 million:

Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount. Under the laws of the Jewish faith, a Jewish mother would qualify a baby to be deemed a member of the Jewish religion. This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

RSS icon Comments

1

that website is creepily narcissistic.

Posted by seattle98104 | December 22, 2006 2:21 PM
2

When people say "what a tool", this is what they're talking about. Guys who brag about their dick on their web page: nice. Why is this guy famous? He can't even write a halfway decent sentence.

Posted by Fnarf | December 22, 2006 2:25 PM
3

Wasn't he trying to sell his sperm a few years back? Like we need any of his spawn running around.

Posted by keshmeshi | December 22, 2006 2:27 PM
4

He also looks like he'll drive you out in the woods and kill you then fuck you.

Posted by Original Andrew | December 22, 2006 2:34 PM
5

"Heavy set, older, red heads and even black chicks can have me if they can pay the bill."

Wow, EVEN Black chicks, he's sooo generous. I know this Black chick is very excited to hear that news!

Posted by Papayas | December 22, 2006 3:28 PM
6

That was a disturbing read. Later down, where he sells his sperm for $1 million, he writes:

"Mr. Gallo maintains the right to refuse sale of his sperm to those of extremely dark complexions. Though a fan of Franco Harris, Derek Jeter, Lenny Kravitz and Lena Horne, Mr. Gallo does not want to be part of that type of integration. In fact, for the next 30 days, he is offering a $50,000 discount to any potential female purchaser who can prove she has naturally blonde hair and blue eyes. Anyone who can prove a direct family link to any of the German soldiers of the mid-century will also receive this discount."

Posted by Andrew Hitchcock | December 22, 2006 3:53 PM
7

oh my gawd!!! i cannot stop laughing!!!! waaa ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

Posted by ginger | December 22, 2006 4:12 PM
8

Some sour grapes there, I see. Yes, Vincent, the Hollywood Jewish Conspiracy has prevented your boring, crap films from winning awards.

Posted by keshmeshi | December 22, 2006 4:38 PM
9

According to Wiki this may be a prank...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vincent_Gallo

Posted by longball | December 22, 2006 4:51 PM
10

Vincent Gallo is a prank. His movies, his website, his fucking toothbrush is a prank. His soul is a prank. It would be nice if he would just cease to exist.

Posted by Fnarf | December 22, 2006 5:11 PM
11

I, for one, think this is hilarious/genius/brilliant. That it inspires anger or wishes-for-his-non-existence makes it even more so.

Posted by pony | December 22, 2006 6:10 PM
12

things people will do for promotion...
sad sad and so funny and so not funny all at once.
arizona dream was the only good thing he ever did.

Posted by girl on the bridge | December 22, 2006 8:18 PM
13

Why is this guy famous? He can't even write a halfway decent sentence.

He's famous for getting Chloe Sevigny to blow him on camera.

Posted by Aexia | December 23, 2006 12:08 PM
14

I got to that last sentence and just started laughing. What a fucking joke he is:

This would be added incentive for Mr. Gallo to sell his sperm to a Jew mother, his reasoning being with the slim chance that his child moved into the profession of motion picture acting or became a musical performer, this connection to the Jewish faith would guarantee his offspring a better chance at good reviews and maybe even a prize at the Sundance Film Festival or an Oscar.

Posted by Gomez | December 23, 2006 5:19 PM

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