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We don't even know if those satanic Martian microbes have accepted Jayzus!

Gawd help us if we ever encounter any advanced space travelling species and they expect us to adopt their religion.

It'll be Spanish Conquistadors II: Electric Boogaloo.

Posted by Andrew | December 6, 2006 11:53 AM

My gff recently pointed out how played the whole (Insert Anything Here) 2: Electric Boogaloo thing is, and I have to agree. It rhymes, it's fun, but it's so so so so so so over. Oranges are not the only sequel and whatnot.

How about Spanish Conquistadors 2: Back in the Habit?

Posted by djfits | December 6, 2006 12:08 PM

fuck this moonbase bullshite. put a base on mars.

Posted by charles | December 6, 2006 12:13 PM

The question to put before the lord, though, is do those alien microbes lay down with same-sex alien microbes or do they lay down with a single male and a single female alien microbe? I believe alien microbe marriage should carry the same definition as our Earthling definition, since even Mar's is within His dominion. 1) Microbe marriage (alien or Earthling) should be between a male and a female microbe. 2) Microbe and bacteria sex should be outlawed, alien or Earthling.

My cubicle-mate just pointed out that microbes do not have gender, per say. What are they I asked, eunuchs? What has happened to the alien microbe wang? Who cut it off? All god's creatures have sex. The line between holy sex and satanic sex is marriage. The birds are married. The ants are married. And alien microbes are married.

Posted by gayaliens | December 6, 2006 12:17 PM

The creationists have some 'splaining to do?

Silly, silly Dan... they'll explain it like they explain everything that falls outside the biblical realm- A huge helping of denial. And if that doesn't work,

IT'S SATANIC FORCES. (works every time!)

Posted by Colin | December 6, 2006 12:21 PM

What we do know is that all life in the Universe, whether on Earth or Mars, needs the redemption that can only be offered through Jesus. Otherwise those Martians will go to Hell just like the other people on Earth throughout history who were created but due to God's plan were never exposed to the information found in God's perfect word, the Bible. Without the Holy Scripture, one cannot receive the Good News and be saved from eternal damnation in hell.

We should immediately buy a bunch of non-taxed real estate on Mars to build another Temple for Mark Driscoll, I mean Jesus, so we can spread the good news there. If we can reach the Martians now, we can make sure their women don't hold any positions of authority over their males, and be sure to eradicate the Martian homosexuals. We should start immediately by sending Bibles to Mars on the next Mars Mission. God will bless the Martians with the gift of Tongues and Interpretation so they can receive the Good News in English.

Posted by Mars Hill Member | December 6, 2006 12:23 PM

Dear Prayer Warrior,
Well, I arrived on Mars, and after a long uneventful flight, thought we’d never survive the rover ride from the spaceport. Praise God for keeping us safe!

I met a martian tonight, who overheard me talking, and struck up a conversation with me. He is from Gelgamac, and has a very successful business there, a system used in air control safety all over universe, and even controlling the ships that come into the harbors.

Anyway, after hearing why I was there, he began asking questions, such as, “Why is the church dead and what does human brain taste like?” I told him some churches were dead because there is no truth without Jesus, or religion without a Savior. He wanted to meet me again before he leaves on Saturday, to discuss this further over dinner.

Pray for an open door, and for the salvation of this thing God placed in my path. What a wonderful opportunity!

Your Pastor,

Posted by monkey | December 6, 2006 12:32 PM

Monkey, you're my new hero.

Posted by Soupytwist | December 6, 2006 12:34 PM

Well if there is water on Mars, that makes the whole "microbes baptism" thing much easier. Just send up a holy man so he can bless it first. But are they still held accountable for original sin? LOL

And Dan, they explain everything:
"It's part of gods plan."

No need for anything further discussion.

Posted by Monique | December 6, 2006 12:36 PM

What does water have to do with life on mars? There are only two obscure references to water in the song:

"See the mice in their million hordes
From Ibiza
to the Norfolk Broads."

(Ibiza being an Island and the Norfolk Broads being a network of navigable lakes, rivers and estuaries).

Life somewhere else is extrmely likely given evidence like this:

If solar nebulae are themselves sources of amino acids and polypeptides (as seems to be the case based on these meteorites), then it's extremely likely that the formation of life-bearing planets is a regular feature of the cosmos.

Posted by kinaidos | December 6, 2006 12:48 PM

my personal fav is: Spanish Conquistadors 2: The Quickening

Posted by :: shawn :: | December 6, 2006 12:48 PM

Baby steps, Charles, baby steps.

Presumably one argument Xtians would make would be to suggest that any planet harboring intelligent life would have to have had their own Jesus, since God, being omnipotent surely would not have foresaken ANY of his children from hearing the Good Word, nor abandon them to Satan without at least a chance at redemption. But, of course, that would be assuming they believe in the same God Xtians do, which is going to be a stretch, since homo sapiens on this planet can't even come to that much agreement on the subject.

OTOH, the eventual, inevitable discovery of alien life-forms at any level of development will also blow another big ole' hole in Christianity's terracentric ideology. After all, if a planet like Mars can sustain even simple life, then it builds the case that more sophisticated forms could exist elsewhere in the universe, making us not quite as special as we'd like to think we are.

Posted by COMTE | December 6, 2006 12:50 PM

i'd rather baby step to an L1 platform for building a martian bound vessel than spend time building a biodome on the moon, lol ;)

mars has water and resources that the base could use to be more self-sustaining, and the potential ROI in terms of potential scientific discovery are pretty compelling in my book. the way i figure it if iraq hadn't happened we'd have the cash on hand. or at least our debtors (china) would. :D

Posted by charles | December 6, 2006 12:57 PM

Oh and Dan, in fairness you should point out that the Mars Global Surveyor pictures don't reveal ACTUAL water - no pools or puddles or anything like that - only changes in geologic features which show evidence of recent erosion that theoretically could have been caused by liquid water.

Posted by COMTE | December 6, 2006 12:57 PM

Spanish Conquistadors II: Armed and Fabulous

Posted by monkey | December 6, 2006 1:01 PM

Oh hell, Dan, the fundies haven't yet come up with a compelling explanation for why the entire New World doesn't exist in the Bible. They go through all manner of hilarious rhetorical gyrations to try to explain away the fact that, quite clearly, the "divinely-inspired" Book has no reference at all to half the world. Ever. At all.

Posted by Geni | December 6, 2006 1:01 PM

The biggest problem with settling in at a Lagrange Point, though Charles, is there aren't any resources there to exploit (with the exception of lots of free solar energy) - unless you want to go to the trouble and expense of tugging a fair-sized astroid along with you.

The moon theoretically at least has resources that can be used for construction materials, oxygen, fuel, and power, as well as providing a relatively close-to-home test bed for developing and perfecting the technologies required for long-duration missions to the outer system.

Posted by COMTE | December 6, 2006 1:06 PM

But it's not going to be used for that. It's going to be used as a money pit and political grandstanding, like the completely worthless space shuttle program. Moon Base? How 1975.

Posted by Fnarf | December 6, 2006 1:09 PM

Well, if by "money pit" you mean an agency currently budgeted at a whopping two-tenths of a percent of the federal budget. I can think of quite a few other line items or off budget items that could far more accurately be described as money pits than NASA.

And while I agree STS hasn't exactly fulfilled it's developers highly exaggerated initial promise, I don't think "worthless" is a fair or accurate description of the program, either.

And personally, I believe we should have built a permanent moon base back in '75, when we had the first opportunity. If we had, we'd probably already have gone to Mars and back by now, and the resulting surge in new technologies would most likely have put us much further along the road toward solving some of the problems, especially the ecological ones, we face today.

Posted by COMTE | December 6, 2006 1:29 PM

God put Mars there to test our faith.

Posted by Bill Hicks | December 6, 2006 2:50 PM

Oh alright,

Spanish Conquistadors II: Risk Addiction


Spanish Conquistadors and the Temple of Doom!

and don't forget

Spanish Conquistadors II: The Legend of Curley's Gold

Posted by Andrew | December 6, 2006 3:49 PM

The devil put dinosaur bones on Earth to confuse us... clearly he put water on Mars to confuse us, too. And those native americans? um... well, see... the devil succeeded. We're confused. Proof! Hah!

Posted by L | December 6, 2006 4:37 PM

FITS, I think the Electric Boogaloo reference is still valid if you mix it up, not quote it verbatim. Like the title of a pornographic movie I once saw—"Spankin' 2: Hectic Bootie Spew". See what I'm saying?

(Actually I just made that up, but it illustrates my point.)

Posted by Zappa | December 6, 2006 5:05 PM

I remember, as a young Christian high-schoooler, reading CS Lewis' Space Trilogy and thinking, "Darn, why did science have to find out the truth about the solar system? This is way the heck more interesting than real life." Kind of like the Bible itself, although Out of the Silent Planet has a way better ending.

Posted by KS | December 6, 2006 6:11 PM

Damnit Dan, I was expecting something other than talk of water on Mars with the title "Wet." So disapointed!

Posted by Dianna | December 6, 2006 6:32 PM

They will just adjust their story to include life on other planets. Just pick a line in the bible and twist it.

Posted by Brian | December 6, 2006 9:06 PM

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