Slog News & Arts

Line Out

Music & Nightlife

« Bush Intentionally Needled Web... | Castle Nowhere »

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Ummm… Is It Britney and Paris?

posted by on December 5 at 9:51 AM

In today’s Page Six gossip column, they are running what is perhaps the most obvious “blind item” EVER. Aren’t the point of these things to disguise the situation enough to protect the paper from lawsuits? Well, check out this sordid tale of cocaine and lesbianism for yourself!

WHICH recently separated celeb has a new habit to go along with her new friends? The cutie is spending way too much time in the bathroom of the many clubs she visits, hoovering down cocaine that her pals supply her with … WHICH hard-partying Hollywood starlet has club cocktail waitresses fueling rumors of rehab by whispering that the actress cuts her coke with strawberry Quik? … WHICH new pair of best friends are actually more? When they get back to their hotels or homes, the clothes come off.

WOW. I wonder who they’re talking about. How about a couple more clues: And WHICH former pop star that we’re talking about also has a Caesarian scar that runs above the vagina she was flashing all last week? And WHICH pal in question has a name that rhymes with “Blarest Schmilton”?
(Though I will admit I didn’t know that Britney likes strawberry Quik. I do too!)


RSS icon Comments


No one can say no to Quik. I knew there was something strange about that rabbit.

Posted by him | December 5, 2006 9:58 AM

Last week it was Linsy Lohan now it is Brittany Spears.
We should not be giving these talentless creeps any attention at all. They only make headlines when intentionally doing something stupid like going out in public, singing or acting.

Posted by Brian | December 5, 2006 10:27 AM

Clarification - attempting to sing or act.

Posted by Mr. X | December 5, 2006 10:47 AM

Britney's a great pop artist, y'all. Swamp trash, yes, but that's not her fault. The cooter-waving, that's her fault.

I gotta ask, though, the Quik goes up the NOSE? That just doesn't sound nice to me AT ALL.

Posted by Fnarf | December 5, 2006 10:50 AM

Is Britney a gal pal away from Courtney Love's careful mentoring?

I know you're not allowed to dislike Brtiney Spears, but I've never understood the attraction and well, look at that picture of her. That chick is a boner killer. Sorry. She looks like Der Svedish Chef from The Muppets or something. Nice protruding forhead. Piltdown Man much?

Paris however is pretty hot and funny in a vapid, plank figured, "What are you famous for again?" kind of way.

Posted by Quit Hating On The Celbrity Zoo. Admission Is Free. | December 5, 2006 10:57 AM

The attraction is not her Piltdown forehead, or even her flapping labia; it's the perverted genius of her pop songs. Of course, she's a total has-been now, but she once WAS. Those swamp gals peak early, about 16 (or four years after they usually get married).

Posted by Fnarf | December 5, 2006 11:49 AM

People actually like Strawberry Quik? Maybe if you mix it with cocaine it doesn't smell like vomit.

Am I the only one who thinks her recent bout with Cooter-flashing was a little contrived? Does your career really need help that bad? Just accept the fact that you're no longer a relevant pop artist, stay low for a few years, and then pose for Playboy when you really need the money.

Posted by gillsans | December 5, 2006 12:50 PM

Ha! Best news I have read this week so far. If any two people in the world deserve each other, it's those two.

Posted by ivan | December 5, 2006 1:10 PM

i thought this story couldn't get any better, what with all the flashing, cocaine and girl on girl action - but strawberry quik?
that shit is the hotness.

Posted by gforce | December 5, 2006 2:27 PM

I had to look at that picture twice because it looked like Britney was wearing a big gold "TMZ" barrette the first time.

Posted by Matt from Denver | December 5, 2006 4:01 PM

You weren't alone Matt.

Posted by elswinger | December 5, 2006 4:41 PM

Strawberry Quik isn't of the nestle variety... it's designer coke - strawberry flavoured stuff that used to be huge in the early 80s.

Posted by FYI | December 6, 2006 11:23 AM

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 14 days old).