News Have You Fucked These Men?
posted by December 18 at 16:48 PMon
Have you fucked any of the pastors at New Life Church in the ass?
If you have, the “Overseers” appointed to, um, oversee the spiritual cleansing of Ted Haggard’s New Life Church in Colorado Springs want to hear from you.
To assist in both the process of Rev. Haggard’s restoration and the protection of the Church itself, the Overseers are open to receiving current information relevant to either Rev. Haggard’s recovery process or any concerns about New Life Church staff or its leaders. While they cannot promise confidentiality, the Overseers will handle any such information discretely.
The Overseers have put a form up on New Life’s website to help you help them rid New Life of closet cases, drug abusers, and other bad elements. Just click here to share any dirt you might have on any of these guys:
Did you fuck Ross Parsley, Senior Pastor, in the ass? Click here.
Did you fuck Rob Brendle, Associate Pastor, in the ass? Click here.
Did you fuck Glenn Packiam, Associate Worship Pastor, in the ass? Click here.
Did you fuck Brad Parsley, Choir Director, in the ass? Click here.
The Overseers don’t want to hear from friends-of-friends who fucked New Life leaders in their asses. Rumors won’t do—the Overseers are looking for blue dresses, people, not blue gossip.
The information you share must be first-hand, factual, and detailed with as many dates and specifics as possible for your communication to be considered credible (no rumors, please).
And does it even need to be said? False reports about gay hookers running riot through the sanctuary or New Life pastors sucking off all comers at Colorado’s crowded rest stops are not helpful. False reports could seriously impede the Overseers’ work and slow the spiritual cleansing of New Life Church. Thank you.
(Uh… does anyone else think that the use of “overseer” is an odd choice of words? I mean, when I hear “overseer” I think one thing: slavery. An overseer was an unpleasant person who carried a whip and brutalized slaves in the American South. Is the word even used in other contexts? If “overseer” is okay, why not “OberfĂĽhrers”?)