Politics Gerald Goddamned Ford
posted by December 27 at 9:40 AMon
The Seattle papers today had banner headline stories, full of milky-soft words for Gerald Goddamned Ford, who died yesterday at 93 years old. If you have read any of this treacle—from the Seattle Times: “Often the target of jokes, Ford laughed right along,” and the front page of the P.I. repeats Teddy Goddamned Kennedy’s line about how “Time has a way of clarifying past events, and now we see that President Ford was right”—you owe it to yourself to read Barry Werth’s amazing book 31 Days
On reading the book, which covers, um, the first 31 days of Ford’s Presidency, you will re-learn how Gerald Goddamned Ford failed the one mission of his ridiculous term—not pardoning Richard Nixon. (Really: The only thing he had to do was not pardon Nixon. It took him a month to fuck that up.) But, more importantly, you’ll learn how, in Ford’s classic ineptitude, he allowed a bunch of evil jackasses—among them Rumsfeld and Cheney—to worm their way into power. It took a month for that to happen, too. You couldn’t have a George Goddamned W. Goddamned Bush without Gerald Goddamned Ford, and that’s why all these crocodile tears are making me violently ill. This man didn’t guide us through the stormy seas of Watergate, he tossed us into the pig slop of dirty politics, and then cashed more dishonorable checks than any other retired President—if you’re interested in that story, read Mark Updegrove’s trifle of a book Second Acts: Presidential Lives and Legacies After the White House—all without ever being elected to office. Ha, ha, Gerald Goddamned Ford, joke’s on us. Amen.