Life DIY Medicine
posted by on December 11 at 9:12 AM
At approximately 5 pm yesterday, a splinter the size of a toothpick slid into the ball of my right foot. After a half hour of the needle-and-tweezer routine, my partner and I realized this was no ordinary pursuit. He brought the exacto knife up from the basement in one hand, the tequila in the other. Two hours later, we had two-thirds of the chunk of wood out of my foot and had mysteriously lost sight of the third third.
It was a great satisfaction performing minor at-home surgery. A few months ago, I had a doctor tell me to do something similar with a cyst, and the suggestion that I should DIY it freaked me out at first, so I began asking people what they thought. One person told me that he had a friend who worked with Doctors Without Borders. This doctor friend told my person that a doctor who tells you to perform your own minor surgery is an especially good doctor. I have no idea why, but I found this convincing.
My wife is all about the home surgery. There is a story in the new volume of McSweeney's, however, that makes me never want to do so much as pick a scab on my own. It's a very good - if horrifying and squirm-inducing - read.
Aside from any discomfort you might experience, foreign objects like this frequently will "work themselves out", generally via your body forming a cyst around the material, then gradually extruding it out through the skin.
I'm not sure whether you should worry about tetanus though, if it's just wood. Still, if you haven't had a shot within the last 8 or more years, not a bad idea: painful though.
A good doctor is confident in her.his own knowledge and won't flinch from the potential for lawsuits based on recommending the DIY procedure.
However, you might want to consult a doc on that missing bit of splinter. Such tiny objects have been known to migrate in the body and cause problems. More likely it will cause a small cyst and come to the surface in time. No, I'm not a doc I'm a veteran parent.
Levislade,
Can you give us a link to that story in McSweeney's.
Did you at least get a stick to bite down on for the pain?
Well, it's in the newest volume of the print edition, so I don't believe it's anywhere online. Here's the info on the volume: http://store.mcsweeneys.net/index.cfm/fuseaction/catalog.detail/object_id/803EAF5D-BD7E-416C-B71F-CE7F266DFADE
They don't list the full TOC, though, and I don't have it in front of me, so I can't tell you the exact author/title. It was by and author with an Indian name, and the main character (whose name is in the title of the story) also had an Indian name.
The best way to get small bits of wood splinter out that you can't retrieve with tweezers is to use carpenter's glue. Put a bit of carpenter's glue over any of the splinter that's protruding, let it dry, and then pull the glue off. Usually wood will adhere to the carpenter's glue. Don't use superglue, though.
I had a piece of windshield glass in my forearm for a couple of years after I tried to stop a hooker who was driving away without closing the deal.
It was a little pyramid of glass, and it moved around in there until it got close to the skin and came out with quite a bit of pus.
It put me off my hookers for a while.
I've had a chunk of graphite stuck in my leg for about 14 years, thanks to my dear brother. Our doctor said it would work itself out and we shouldn't worry, but it never did. Wish I'd had the balls to dig the little bugger out; now I just have a nice grey lump on my calf.
But yes, tequila and something to bite down on are very useful things.
I had an ACTUAL toothpick, ok...2/3 of a toothpick, stuck in my foot for over a week...it too had wiggled its way into the bottom of my foot after stepping on it hiding in the carpet...
3 hours soaking in Epsom salt and my own at-home surgery and I was in the clear. My brother, who was a paramedic for over 5 years proclaimed "That is by far the grossest thing I have ever seen....and the suction sound just made it worse."
I'll tell you, my whole body reacted with a sigh of relief...and....it was FUCKING COOL.
Thanks.
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