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Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Crap. I Got An iPod for Christmas.

posted by on December 27 at 9:52 AM

zune-with-porn.jpg

A little girl in Illinois got a Zune for Christmas—complete with gay orgy.

When Derrick Woods and Chanell Martin decided to surprise their 12-year-old daughter with a Microsoft Zune media player, they had no idea how big of a surprise they were in for. The gadget, they said, came preloaded with more than an hour of raunchy pornography.

“It was a homosexual orgy that they had video taped for an hour and 44 minutes,” Chanell Martin told Fox News affiliate WFLD reporter Michelle Gielan.

Preloaded? Sounds hot.

RSS icon Comments

1

Would someone please get her a full manicure? Those cuticles are disturbing.

Posted by dj girth | December 27, 2006 10:03 AM
2

I'm with the other conspiracists in thinking that the family "found" the pornography once they used the product, and made up an excuse to return it for an iPod instead.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | December 27, 2006 10:06 AM
3

The Onion couldn't make up anything funnier.

Posted by elswinger | December 27, 2006 10:09 AM
4

From the article: The couple said the Zune package appeared to have been "tampered with" and the Zune charger was missing.

Yeah, like that's not a tip-off. Since when to devices like Zune come pre-charged?

Posted by JenK | December 27, 2006 10:09 AM
5

Damn, I wasn't considering but now I think I will get one! And I love that line "homosexual orgy", it is just guys out having a good time.

Posted by Andrew | December 27, 2006 10:18 AM
6

And they know that it was exactly 1 hr 44 minutes, how? They had to watch every minute of it... just to, you know, test how long it lasted... before they called in the complaint.

Posted by SDA in SEA | December 27, 2006 10:40 AM
7

Shit. I got a Zune for Christmas and there was no porn to be found pre-loaded. But I have been trading porn with my boyfriends Zune, which is awesome.

Posted by pornlover | December 27, 2006 10:51 AM
8

You know, I love my porn as much as the next guy but I just don't feel the need to take it with me where ever I go.

Posted by monkey | December 27, 2006 11:02 AM
9

@SDA: while that would be hilarious, fancy shmancy technology these days lists the length of a video without actually having to watch it or time it. Unless the Zune is using some sort of retro reel-to-reel technology.

Posted by him | December 27, 2006 11:06 AM
10

How good can porn be on a tiny little screen? The computer monitor is almost too small to enjoy it.

Posted by Mike in MO | December 27, 2006 11:09 AM
11

And I thought all the controversy was over that woman's ridiculous fingernails.

Posted by Noink | December 27, 2006 11:12 AM
12

OH NO YOU DIN'T JUST DOWNLOAD "JOLLY GAY BUTT HUMPING ORGY 13" ONTO MY LIL' GIRLS ZUNE!

OH NO YOU DIN'T!

YOU BETTA WATCH OUT MISTA GATES! I'LL STRING YOUR GLASSES-WEARING NERDY FACE UP, BOY! YOU AXINIG FOR TROUBLE!

Posted by Chanell Martin | December 27, 2006 11:27 AM
13

Well...at least someone has a reason to buy a zune.

Posted by A Nony Mouse | December 27, 2006 12:45 PM
14

Well...at least someone has a reason to buy a zune.

Posted by A Nony Mouse | December 27, 2006 12:45 PM
15

I'm not familiar with the software interface the Zune uses, but the most likely scenario is that someones dad/brother/husband installed the software, which found and loaded his gay orgy video (knowing Windows products, it probably asked if it wanted to "search computer for videos" or somethingrather).

"Oh shit, how did THAT get one there! We are taking it back to the store!"

Then again, your average Walmart employee has little incentive to NOT do shit like this out of boredom and spite.

Posted by Dougsf | December 27, 2006 4:39 PM
16

I think the only appropriate response to this is: AHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!

Posted by Tahn | December 27, 2006 6:11 PM
17

How can she possibly operate that thing with those nails.

Posted by -B- | December 27, 2006 7:23 PM
18

From the article: the Zune charger was missing

dudes? it totally charges via usb, there is no charger.

dougsf #15 totally nailed it. when you install the zune software it automatically searches your shared music & video folder for existing music & movies,without ever asking if you want it to.

chalk this one up to lousy manicure skills and lousier porn archival skills.

Posted by josh b | December 28, 2006 1:24 PM
19

What a terrible way to find out daddy is gay!

Posted by Whoops | December 28, 2006 8:27 PM

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