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Monday, December 11, 2006

Another Colorado Pastor Goes Down

posted by on December 11 at 13:07 PM

One month after preaching to his congregation about “integrity and grace” in the aftermath of Ted Haggard’s meth-and-rentboy scandal, Denver Reverend Paul Barnes has resigned as head of the evangelical megachurch Grace Chapel, admitting his own homosexuality.

“I have struggled with homosexuality since I was a 5-year-old boy,” said Barnes. “… I can’t tell you the number of nights I have cried myself to sleep, begging God to take this away.”

Clearly, God said no. Still, after Foley and Haggard, my year’s supply of schadenfreude is used up, and now this shit just makes me sad. Nevertheless, I look grimly forward to fundies spinning this as further proof of the insidious evil of homosexuality. “If it can take even our strongest leaders, clearly this is a sin we need to fight with all our might…” Sigh.

RSS icon Comments

1

It makes me sad. Anyone who is made to feel like they have to fight it makes me sad.

Posted by monkey | December 11, 2006 1:13 PM
2

Speaking from experience, I empathize with his pain. For a long time I languished in my own self-pity over being gay- I think anyone who can pass for straight goes through a period like this... it seems better to hide than face head-on the ridicule of an ignorant society. (Although, let me be clear- not once did I ever do anything homophobic or hurtful to the gay community; maybe because I knew deep down that sooner or later, I'd like to have a place to call home.)

I may be speaking prematurely, but I'm glad to see another self-loathing homo come to his senses.

Posted by Colin | December 11, 2006 1:35 PM
3

Colin, me too. I didn't come out until I was 29 and spent up to 26 just trying to be straight but in all my hiding I was always openly sympathetic to my soon to be fellow Mo's. I was trying to live by example hoping that my openness and lack of fear where gays were concerned would make people think twice about their own phobias (namely my family).

Being gay in a family of conservative christian republicans is a bit of a mind fuck no matter how you play it.

Posted by monkey | December 11, 2006 1:40 PM
4

Clearly, this would not have been an issue if Abraham Lincoln, a Republican, had come out of the closet when he had a chance. This is his fault.

Posted by 3@r p|_|$$y | December 11, 2006 2:04 PM
5

These guys need to start a group dealing with being a gay but homo-hating evangelical preacher. maybe they can council Mark Driscoll who is clearly in their group.

Posted by Frank | December 11, 2006 2:09 PM
6

This is very sad. Don't they see it is not a CHOICE? This should prove it. I'm sure he agonized for years. about it. He wanted to "change" but he couldn't.

Why can't they understand this?

Posted by Suz | December 11, 2006 2:22 PM
7

David, there's a greater chance of the big ups of the evangelical right being crushed by their own homo-McCarthyism. Although I don't rule evangelical militia getting a resurgance. These people will ditch shame and dive into the deep end of the worst of sins in order to get their voices heard. Getting heard is how they make their livelihood.

Western society is becoming more secular, or at least more tolerant, despite the hiccups which the media hyperbolizes.

Also, many extreme-right people have been coming out all the time. Big Media just finds it fashionable to report about it more, thanks to Foley and Haggard.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | December 11, 2006 2:25 PM
8

Hey #7:

What's a "Big Media?" Does it exist in the Real World? Or only in the Evergreen State College curriculum?

If it's the former, what is a "Small Media?" Seattle Weekly?

Posted by e@r p|_|$$y | December 11, 2006 2:42 PM
9

Suz-

There's a rather simple and clear cut reason why none of this will change thier minds: If one no longer sees homos as monsters, then one has to question that portion of the Bible. Question one part, and sooner or later more questions arise... Before you know it, the whole house of cards comes tumbling down.

And when your whole world view is based on over-simplified dogma, there's nothing scarier than facing a complex and uncertain reality. Better to bury one's head in the sand.

Posted by Colin | December 11, 2006 2:42 PM
10

You know, if they just stopped denying who they were and started realizing most hetero males never even think that way, they'd stop thinking we're all "sinners" like them, and aren't conflicted.

oh, and God created us in His image, so he must be both male and female and a mix of straight, bi, and gay.

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 11, 2006 3:00 PM
11

#8, "Big Media" = CNN, Fox News, BBC, etc. i.e. any media institution that has a potentially global audience.. the ones that many of these people base their beliefs on.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | December 11, 2006 3:03 PM
12

Hey, Colin, if you really want them to start questioning their dogma, you don't make them question the Bible, you teach them Hebrew and Greek (and maybe enroll them in a class at UW with Scott Noegel). I spent two years studying Biblical Hebrew and we had Christians who came in the first quarter and were so disturbed by actually understanding the Hebrew Bible that they had to drop out. We had more that stuck around and pretty soon became decent rational people. Except for that one guy who thought that everything was a reference to the prohibition on bestiality.

Posted by Gitai | December 11, 2006 3:28 PM
13

Again: to believe that something inside yourself is evil is a tragedy. Imagine believing that your heart was the devil trying to get you. It's awful, and insane: it's a disintegrated personality. "My sexuality is an abomination to God" -- what could be more horrible?

So I feel sorry for these men. Look at it from the opposite perspective as well: the absolute foundation of what they believe, a belief system for which they would gladly give up their lives, is telling them that that thing inside them is the black mark of Satan. So, not only is the essence of his personality evil, but the thing he believes the most rejects him. To be cast away from one's own God!

This is a mental illness, far more severe than the old status of homosexuality in the pre-1973 Diagnostic and Statistical Manual.

Matthew: if you think any fundamentalist Christians base any portion of their beliefs on "big media", you're nuts. They SEEK OUT confirmatory messages in portions of the media outlets you mention, but those beliefs do not even remotely originate there. They originate in the response of damaged personalities to certain old texts and the explication of those texts by some weird beards. You can attack their ideas, but not their sincerity.

Posted by Fnarf | December 11, 2006 3:36 PM
14

I came out when I was 17. And it was hard. But I'm so glad--giddily happy, really--that I don't have the weight of knowing I wasted years and years of my life hiding or denying. Like some people.

No spine? No sympathy. Not ever.

Posted by Boomer | December 11, 2006 3:40 PM
15

Hey Colin & Monkey: having gone through it, was all the fallout, as bad as expected, worse or not as bad? I know everyone's experience is different, but I would like to get your input...

Posted by Mike in MO | December 11, 2006 3:41 PM
16

Tick tock, Mark Driscoll & Ken Hutcherson.

Tick freakin' tock.

Posted by Original Andrew | December 11, 2006 3:43 PM
17

Boomer: you were wise to come out when oyu did, but don't judge those who haven't. Unless they (like Haggard et al) gaybash etc. It may not be so easy for some of us...

Posted by Mike in MO | December 11, 2006 3:45 PM
18

I didn't spend nearly as much of my life in the closet as some- I came out for the first time at 22. (Of course I still felt like I'd wasted a good chunk of my life none the less.)

As far as the experience, I have to say it's been overwhelmingly positive. Perhaps a big part of that was that I was actually outed by a friend, who kept my secret between us. Just having someone I could confide in was a major load off my back, and in time I became more and more comfortable with myself.

From experience, here are some of the biggest things to remember when coming out:

-COME UT ONE ON ONE! This cannot be stressed enough. Coming out to a crowd (like say, both your parents at once) can be misconstrued as a rebellious stunt. People will also look to each other for signs as to how to take the news. If it's one on one, the only person for them to look to is you. Both sides are also much more likely to open up when not in a group setting.

-Be confident in yourself. Like I said above, your saddling a loved one with some pretty heavy information and oftentimes they'll look to you for how to react. If your ashamed, they will be too.

-Be open and honest. I've always made a point to delve into my personal history about "when I knew", etc. Also emphasize that if they ever have questions, feel free to ask. Most likely they won't ask deeply personal questions, more questions they may find too hard to ask without being encouraged. (And undoubtedly you'll forget to say a something important while coming out... especially if you need some "liquid courage" to do it. :)

Hope that helps

Posted by Colin | December 11, 2006 4:09 PM
19

Nervous about coming out at 15? Understandable, deserving of sympathy.

Nervous about coming out once you're 21-or-over? Cowardice, pure and simple. No sympathy.

Posted by Dan Savage | December 11, 2006 4:37 PM
20

Dan, I keep forgetting how much better you are than the rest of us.

Thanks for clarifying.

Posted by Colin | December 11, 2006 4:45 PM
21

Oh, come on. Cut 'em some slack. Not everyone gets it right the first, second, or thirty-second time. You're so eager to give drug addicts another chance; why can't you believe that people are still confused and fearful about their sexuality later in life? You really have no sympathy for cowardice? The only evil is contempt for the weak. We are all weak in one way or another.

Posted by Fnarf | December 11, 2006 4:50 PM
22

I don't think age has as much to do with being nervous about coming out as other factors. It's not like you hit 21 and suddenly realize that everything you were ever taught to believe in and aspire to is abusive. I'd say it's more like this: growing up in a blue bubble (I'm just North of San Francisco) with openly queer teachers, family members and friends, and my family being open to whichever religious beliefs I may hold true--versus growing up and being told that who you are (and have known you are since the age of 5, apparently), is wrong and immoral, and fearing the reactions of your family, friends, and community.
Everyone who comes out is dealing with their own unique circumstances, and it's easier for some people then others. And I can only imagine that coming out is more difficult after every year that goes by, and every affirmation that you are "living the moral and ethical teachings of Scripture".
Really, I'm just happy that Barnes wasn't out there campaigning for anti-same-sex marriage laws.

Posted by Lesley | December 11, 2006 5:31 PM
23

Back in the early '60's my mill worker step-father once put a man in the hospital - beat the shit out of him - because he was a 'queer'. Small town police and Scott Paper Management didn't raise a peep. Same step-father said he'd kill any child of his who was 'that way'.

I am 'that way' and have been on my own since shortly before my 18th birthday. The detritus of my fundie upbringing didn't allow me to come out until I was 22. I tried so very hard to be straight; I literally and repeatedly begged god to remove this sin - these desires - from my mind, body and soul.

Static.

Now in my 50's, I don't think I was a coward at 22, Mr. Savage.

Posted by Laurence Ballard | December 11, 2006 5:38 PM
24

Fnarf, I was unclear in my last message.

I wasn't talking about the evangelicals being the ones influenced by "Big Media". I was talking more about public perception of what's "movin' and shakin'" in that evangelical world, when it's really been doing the same thing, more or less, for quite a while.

I'm not saying the media doesn't have an effect. They have a huge effect! That's part of my point. People induce changes in mass mentalities purely based on what major news outlets decide to report on, which is mainly based on what's fashionable to report on, etc.

Posted by matthew fisher wilder | December 11, 2006 5:44 PM
25


21 seems arbitrary.

Posted by hardcore | December 11, 2006 6:18 PM
26

I came out during freshman year in college in Arkansas at age 18, and I was very lucky that attitudes were changing in the 90's.

Something we tend to overlook is that coming out is not a one time process, but somehthing that you have to do over and over again when you meet new people, start a new job, etc.

Living in Seattle, we tend to forget that much of the nation is a truly hellacious place for LGBTs, where you can be legally fired, etc, so let's not be too hard on our not-quite-out brothers and sisters.

Posted by Original Andrew | December 11, 2006 6:25 PM
27

(according to the online American Heritage Dictionary)
Courage: the state or quality of mind or spirit that enables one to face danger, fear, or vicissitudes with self-possession, confidence, and resolution.

If you ask me, coming out in the hostile world we live in, at any age, is an act of courage, not cowardice.

Posted by Lesley | December 11, 2006 7:07 PM
28

I think the point Dan is trying to make about the age of 21 is that you're no longer dependent on your parents. You're probably out of college, have a job, and while you'll still face emotional and familial consequences, they won't leave you homeless. I also don't think he's talking about anyone who was born before, say 1951 (making them 18 at the time of the Stonewall riots), but people who turned 21 after that. I mean, really, at that point, you could move the fuck out of your podunk hick town, make it to NYC, SFO, or any other gay mecca, get a job, get a boyfriend, and then demand that you and your boyfriend be allowed to sleep in the same room or you're not coming the fuck back for Christmas.

But I'm just extrapolating.

Posted by Gitai | December 11, 2006 9:32 PM
29

Yes, all fine and interesting textual wankage. But does this master pastor have super mega gayface? I'm having a hell of a time finding a picture of this guy.

Posted by let's get some shoes | December 11, 2006 9:44 PM
30

"I always wondering what that peculiar song that sang 'Menergy' over and over again at Mass was all about. We were told it was about how males were using their energy to do the Lord's work."

Posted by Matthew Fisher Wilder | December 11, 2006 11:09 PM
31

The root of evil is _not_ "the want of money," it is self-hatred. I see no reason whatsoever to feel any pity for these assholes, or to cut them any slack. They have put so much energy into "destroying homosexuality," which is, in reality, a campaign to destroy themselves. In doing so, they bring down thousands with them.
Let them die, as they are breathing my air.

Posted by Queequeg | December 12, 2006 12:16 AM

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