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Sunday, December 3, 2006

Ah, the cold

posted by on December 3 at 18:20 PM

UPDATE ‘Hawks/Gulls/Hags/Shehawks win. Trolls blow. Weekly weak. See below, and greetings from Chicago. See y’all in January.

So, I’d ask where all the Stanger staffers who like sports are, but I assume they’re glued to their TVs, or too high or drunk to slog at the moment. Me, I’m still defrosting after the Bears game this afternoon, one ugly game (despite its result— Bears win NFC North), but I’ll do some Nepotism/Sports slogging to take up the Sunday night slack. All trolls are hereby advised that I don’t give a shit what they think.

I learned two things today: one, if it’s 20 F, the lovely cream-colored collar around the edge of a pint of Guiness will actually freeze, leaving a jagged ice shelf around one side of your pint as you drink it. Two, when a quarterback hits his receivers right in the hands, they’ll drop the ball. It’s like trying to catch a brick. A very cold brick. The Vikings receivers dropped a bunch of balls—the Bears receivers mostly just let the Vikings intercept—and both the Broncos and the Gulls should just concentrate on developing the running game. They’re both looking pretty brittle.

Till that last interception return, and then the fumble recovery. Even with the missed field-goal, I think the Gulls D will teach this rookie QB a thing or two, and will win. Just a prediction. Updates to come.

UPDATEOK, Seattle’s O looks as bad as the Bears’ O (hey Matt—fuck Griese, he ain’t done shit on his other 4 NFL stops, he’s born to hold a clipboard) but the Gulls’ D is looking sharp. This kind of game is, pun not intended but necessary, a slog. Keep the field position in your favor, and the D can score some more or give the O a short enough field that they can get a few field goals or a TD.

UPDATE Stupid pick. Stupid play-calling. Keep running the ball.

But it occurs to me that some of you all might like some cold-weather lessons, since you might be coming to Chicago in January. First, don’t wear all your cold-weather gear when you’re walking to the stadium. Then you get all sweaty, and when you sit down in the fucking freezing cold the sweat turns into a layer of ice over your flesh. This is much less pleasant than the effect of freezing air on Guinness.

UPDATE John Madden must have Alzheimer’s. When he says, as he just did, that this is “a big big drive for the Seahawks,” he’s not just stating the obvious, he’s stating the FUCKING OBVIOUS. The Gulls have great field position, and a TD can put them up a point. Duh. I bet that Sack just now (12:19 left in the 4th) was bad. Now a punt, that’s bad. The fake FG/Punt was a Nice Try. Guess I should stop listening to the TV and start just listening to the voices in my head. Except when they say “kill kill kill… “

UPDATE This injury is scary. Football is a violent game, and not to get soft and politically correct and all, but there is something to be said for thinking seriously about the way that some folks provide bread and circuses to the rest of us who watch, sometimes at the cost of their own physical or mental health and well-being. In sports it’s more dramatic and more often televised live than when some actor or musician burns out. But in whatever realm of artistic or athletic competition (and art is competitive, don’t kid yourself), there are lots of human casualties.

UPDATE Nice TD, nicer hit and fumble recovery on the kickoff. Like I predicted, the Gulls can win this. Lotsa time left, but only really great teams like the Bears can turn the ball over four or five times and still win. And Denver ain’t great.

UPDATE Hey STTW: ZZZ: go off to the Weekly, where their last blog post is from 9 this morning. No wonder you chose the cliche for snoring for your comments, your favorite paper is a fucking Yawn.

UPDATE OK, time to stick the knife in. The Gulls should go for a TD right now. Put it out of reach.
Taking advantage of a pick this late is imperative. But the conservative play-calling is just stupid, the same sort of thing that made y’all lose the Super Bowl last year. 3 points is better than nothing, but 7 woulda put much more pressure on the Broncos. And, as the Man from Eumenclaw could tell ya, you can never ask too much from a Bronco.

UPDATE WHAT THE FUCK. 2:37 left, and the Gulls D has let the Broncos back into the game. Hope your Special Teams are more prepared for the onside kick than the Bears were today. And if you don’t know what an onside kick is, go read the Weakly.

UPDATE This game is still very winnable. Just gotta get a field goal. Of course, it would have been more winnable if some earlier opportunities had been taken advantage of. But so it goes…

UPDATE OK, the gulls are driving for the potentially game-winning FG, and WTF? False start? Look, I love football, but I’m hoping to get home while my liver still functions, and now we’re looking at OT? Shit. And thanks to Celery Stalker and Ryan Sr. What’s the opposite of a Troll? You guys are it.

UPDATE The kick is up and it’s GOOD—And yes, this was REAL time. Let’s hope the five second left on the clock don’t come back and haunt the Gulls.

RSS icon Comments



Posted by Matt | December 3, 2006 6:48 PM


Posted by Switching to the Weekly | December 3, 2006 8:02 PM

Yeah, let's go to the Weekly. Because we won't find any boring blog posts up on their website. Because there aren't any blog posts up over there.

Posted by Stalker of Celery | December 3, 2006 8:10 PM

Go ahead, switch to the Weekly. I grew up too much of a diehard football fan (apeshit team clothing ages 6-12, bawling when 'my' team lost). Some 20 years later now, I truly become less and less interested. CHICAGO FAN's commentary is a definite bright spot for me this season, as I'm usually intrigued by a reason to stay in touch.

Posted by RYAN SR. | December 3, 2006 8:19 PM


Posted by SEME | December 3, 2006 8:34 PM

Done!! Sehawks baby!!

Posted by SeMe | December 3, 2006 8:36 PM

A) Can we just have one competent win?
B) Thanks for Slogging. It really blunts all the odd crap Josh slogs.

Posted by StrangerDanger | December 3, 2006 8:57 PM

how bout that 1.3 rating for rex? ;)

Posted by Charles | December 3, 2006 9:29 PM

This is very informative. I've been hanging out with this really hot woman lately who is totally into the Seahawks and after reading this I can pretend to know something about what they are doing. You have saved me hours of time watching them play or listening to dumbass tv commentators. Thank you!

Posted by Jim Demetre | December 3, 2006 10:15 PM

Want some naked pix of the players - getting out of a car is fine, after all, Brittany showed her stuff in public.

Be bold guys, this is the year.

Love real football, not the American slow motion version. Boring.

Posted by Sam | December 4, 2006 4:08 AM

A) Can we just have one competent win?

I would rather have incompetent wins than FUGLY losses like the fucking CARDINALS handed the Lambs today.

Also, I'm glad the Broncs now know the feeling of seeing that Josh Brown dude come in with 10 seconds to go....

Posted by Mike in MO | December 4, 2006 5:45 AM

haha! oh man, how about steve raible on the radio? "It's up... it's good! Josh Brown for mayor!" that slayed me.

Posted by Charles | December 4, 2006 8:16 AM


Always glad to help love blossom.

Posted by Chicago Fan | December 4, 2006 8:47 AM

Besides panging through a sluggish, classic field position game, I delighted in the nifty (if not wise) plays of both kickers. Elam doing his Frankenstein run on the fake kick, with the nice flip from the holder (sorry about the hamstring, though, buddy), and Josh Brown's helmet-to-facemask hit on the Denver kick returner.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | December 4, 2006 10:45 AM

I doubt John Madden has Alzheimer's disease, but he might have a mild dementia ...

Posted by Will in Seattle | December 4, 2006 11:51 AM

Can't Chicago fan use the cut feature? Please?

Posted by Mark Mitchell | December 4, 2006 12:04 PM

Madden's like a souffle: He just keeps getting bigger. Perhaps it's not so much dementia he's working as it is auto-pilot. Niehaus -- now that guy's experiencing the onset of dementia.

Posted by Lloyd Clydesdale | December 4, 2006 12:25 PM

Sorry Mike in MO, the Rams are out of the race now.

How about handing the Broncos their THIRD straight HOME loss?! John Elway must be spinning in his grave. Brian Bosworth, too.

Posted by him | December 4, 2006 12:30 PM

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