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Thursday, November 16, 2006

Your Daily “Ew.”

posted by on November 16 at 15:03 PM

If you’re interested in MIKE TYSON becoming your own personal stud… well… read on.

It’s your lucky day, ladies… Former boxer Mike Tyson has a great new gig: He has agreed to be a male escort at legendary Hollywood madam Heidi Fleiss’ new legalized brothel (for female clients). Fleiss has bought 60 acres of land in Nevada and construction is scheduled to begin on “Heidi’s Stud Farm.” She apparently has high hopes for Tyson, once heavyweight champion of the world, despite the teensy fact that he’s a convicted rapist. Heidi says, “I told him, `You’re going to be my big stallion.’ “It’s every man’s fear that their girlfriend will go for Mike Tyson.” Tyson adds, “I don’t care what any man says, it’s every man’s dream to please every woman — and get paid for it.”

If the contents of your stomach are still in place… discuss.

miketyson_heidi-thumb.jpg

Tip o’ the ear to Amy Kate!

RSS icon Comments

1

I can't decide if a convicted rapist becoming a prostitute is a perfect fit or incredibly wrong. I'm torn.

Posted by ky | November 16, 2006 3:10 PM
2

Funny, I'm eating a taco - yes, Virginia, sometimes a taco is just a taco - while reading this. Annnnnnd - it stayed down!

But seriously, ladies watch out for the ear nuzzling, that's all I'm saying.

Posted by COMTE | November 16, 2006 3:26 PM
3

Watch out, ladies! He's gonna fuck you til you love him! And then he'll eat your children!

Posted by Gomez | November 16, 2006 3:38 PM
4

Okay, yesterday O.J. announces his "loophole in the law forbidding criminals to profit from their crimes" tour (Souvenir T-Shirts available in XS, XXS, and "no-way-could-that-t-shirt-possibly-fit-me S) and today Mike "scary-as-fuck convicted-rapist and ear-biter-offer" Tyson announcing his sexual services are for sale -- What the fuck is happening here? Are violent criminals the newest celebrity phenom? If O.J.'s book sells, can we expect to see the Robert Blake sequel on shelves in time for Holiday Shopping Season 2007?

Jesus, I feel ill.

Posted by flamingbanjo | November 16, 2006 4:03 PM
5

Savage--I definitely recant that story pitch now. Blech.

Posted by Hannah Levin | November 16, 2006 4:08 PM
6

Predictable. Its all about Mike (yes, he is a sociopath rapist who deserves to rot in hell or Gary Indiana) but Heidi the pimp can be a celebrity, with her own line of lingerie, and have movies made about her starring Meadow from the Sopranos and no one gets sick- as a matter of fact- people laugh about it, as if she were a cute criminal, but I guess for “mainstream society” there is a caste system for criminals, and Tyson represents mainstream society’s worst urban nightmare, a sociopath, a true criminal that allows them to say, He is an animal and I’m I no way related to him. Mike is the motherfucker you cross the street when you see coming, where as Heidi is the chick yall would invite to your crib and laugh at her stories of little black books. She is just naughty. In mainstream society eyes’ Heidi is not the misogynist enabler who will put these loony women at risk who are crazy enough to buy sometime with Mike's wiener, no she is not dangerous, she is campy and cute enough for drag shows and other forms of satire. I’m not saying yall racist, but I’m just saying...

Posted by SeMe | November 16, 2006 4:20 PM
7

Heidi's last name means "flesh" in German, as in schweinfleiss, "pig meat."
She's definitely a meat purveyor. Wonder who else could be in her stable of male meat? Kevin Federline? Or for another titillating brush with horror, O.J. Simpson?

Posted by isabelita | November 16, 2006 4:21 PM
8

I dunno Seme. Heidi Fleiss is a disgusting sack of vomit (I'll go off on how I hate pimp and 'ho culture [slavery at its worst] some other time), she's probably criminally negligent for arranging sexual encounters with Mike, and for the record if I did invite her to the crib I’d sterilize every inch of the place once she left (and wouldn’t laugh at any of her stories [except maybe for the ones about fucking Charlie Sheen, that’s GOLD JERRY]).

But I think the reason Mike resonates so much is exactly because he is who he is. I mean I'm pretty doughy, but I think I could take Heidi in a fight. Mike Tyson bit someone's ear off, has done time for rape and used to beat up old ladies for their welfare checks. Heidi’s a scumbag. Tyson’s a way badder dude no matter how you classify it.

Posted by The_Pope_Of_Chili_Town | November 16, 2006 4:44 PM
9

Heidi should sue whoever did her last lip injection. She's starting to look just like LaToya Jackson.

Why is it that plastic surgery seems to eventually give everyone the same Katherine-Helmond-in-Brazil horrorshow face?

Posted by Geni | November 16, 2006 5:04 PM
10

Yeah, Heidi is disgusting, and her whole tragic idea for the Stud Farm is just appalling (although I've nothing against whoring). Tyson seems perfect for it. They all deserve each other.

Posted by Mark Mitchell | November 16, 2006 6:30 PM
11

Thanks SeMe. I couldn't agree more.

Posted by Papayas | November 16, 2006 7:36 PM
12

Where's Mistress Matisse? We need her take on this. :-)

Posted by Sachi | November 16, 2006 7:44 PM
13

Actually, isebelita, "Fleiss" means "effort" in German. "Flesh" or "meat" is "Fleisch" with the "sch" at the end pronounced like "sh" in English. Pork is "Schweinefleisch" (please notice the e that you left out) while "Schweinfleiss" is nonsensical and translates as pig effort.

Mit dem Ausdruck meiner vorzueglichen Hochachtung,
Ihr
Herr Prof. Dr. von Unterhosen

Posted by Wolfgang von Unterhosen | November 16, 2006 8:48 PM
14

Apparently, Mike has managed to sic his attorneys on other alleged rape victims, keeping those cases from even getting to trial.

Heidi is disgusting, but she's no rapist, ear-biting sociopath.

Posted by keshmeshi | November 16, 2006 9:43 PM
15

This idea is straight out of Jill Nelsons book Sexual Healing. (Of course, without the whole Mike Tyson thing). Not to say that no one else could come up with this idea, i mean it was bound to happen and a long time coming. But really, Straight out of the book...

Posted by Lisa | November 16, 2006 11:43 PM
16

Right on Seme. I agree too. Both Heidi and Tyson share the same bed of bad mojo.....shes the cute one he's the crazy one. This curcamstance in human judgement shows how we humans like fairytale everything in realtiy. It fits the big picture of life...woman are the meek sex and men are the strong sex blah,blah,blah. Humans and their media believe it's better to protray the savagery of tysons sexual beast persona vs. vampy pricess in distress. Boys , men,male species are always nasty evil beings. Girls,females, Woman are princesses, and cannot ever hurt a fly.
On the other hand Heidi and her entarauge could well be on the way to set Tyson up in an elaborant trap. Think of the story there. She could well be on the way to exact revenge for all woman, by trapping this beast in a plot to seduce, and then frame him for rape. Alas men=gullable, stubid horny monkey things campared to woman=intelligent,patient and introspective. It seems woman have the upperhand even though men are big mean tyrants like Tyson and the media potrays them as such. So in agreement Seme, We humans are a culture of ignoramuses. Thats why I'm voting for Hillary clinton. this sountry and the world needs a American woman president to lead us out of this neverending dark hole of ideology we always face in the future.

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