Life Walk Toward the Light
posted by on November 15 at 15:47 PM
I’ve never enjoyed airplanes—too paranoid about crashes and bombs and terrorists and cooties to ever “sit back, relax, and enjoy the flight”—but I have reconciled myself to airports. I’ve actually come to enjoy airports. I look at it this way: When you’re in an airport, you’re not on an airplane. You survived the flight or you have yet to board—either way, the airport is preferable to the airplane in every possible way.
Not only can you get up and walk around, you can have yourself a drink (I’m a regular at a bar in the Minneapolis airport), surf the web, work, and watch people. But most importantly, again, when I’m in the airport and not in the air… I don’t have to stress out about my imminent demise. My head isn’t flooded by mental images of planes exploding or breaking into pieces (thanks, Lost). When I’m on the ground, I’m not thinking about my death.
Until yesterday, when I had to get to the “C” gates at Detroit’s airport. Look at this picture…
It’s a long, dark hallway, with diffuse and moody blue lighting. Oh, and there’s a soundtrack: spooky, ethereal, wind-chimey music. And all you have to do to get to your gate… is…
Walk toward the light.
Christ Almighty. I like Detroit’s airport—it’s nothing like Detroit proper—I try to schedule layovers here to break up long flights to the East Coast. (Yes, yes: the most dangerous parts of a flight are the takeoffs and landings, and by breaking my trips up I’m actually putting myself in greater danger. I never said my fear of flying was rational.) But no more “C” gate flights from Detroit again. Ever.
I mean, whose bright idea was it to simulate of a near-death experience for passengers about to board an aircraft?
Beats Detroit's usual "real-life" near-death experiences.
It's better than those seizure-inducing zig-zag lights at O'Hare. I don't need a migraine to make the whole flying experience even worse.
Want to see purgatory? Visit the old "Berry" or "Smith" terminals at the Detroit Airport.
The newer midfield terminal's "A" gates always struck me as some civil engineer's joke. All the gates are in one long line, maximizing the average walk time when transferring flight-to-flight compared to any other configuration.
I love it.
You know, when I was in my severely depressive years, I used to joke - and it was only half a joke - that the one upside to being suicidal was that it made flying easy. "Who cares if the plane crashes - well, so long as I don't burn first."
Dan you remind me of the guy I had to hold hands with as he prayed on our way into Chicago. His 7 year old in the window seat holding the other hand kept exchanging glances with me that clearly said "don't blame me, I'm adopted".
Ah, let me guess, the picture is what it will look like inside Greg's underwater tunnel, right?
Yuk. I'd rather look at the sound from my car.
oh, and I agree with Megan about O'Hare.
kind of reminds me of a coffee shop i went to in amsterdam. the walk home was a near death experience many times over... traffic lane, bike lane, street car lane, bike lane, traffic lane...
That O'Hare thing is the United tunnel. The soundtrack is an old ad themesong re-arranged by Brian "Music for Airports" Eno. I think it's brilliant and probably the inspiration for Dan's near-death experience.
The Detroit airport was my first experience with a moving sidewalk as a kid. Still think they're the greatest things ever.
Fuck, at least it's not "How Magic is Done" or whateverthehell that Seat-Tac mural is.
Dan, if you don't mind me asking, what bar are you speaking of? I am becoming a MSP regular myself, and the best option I've come up with is the 20 oz Stella at TGIF for $5.50 (and let's face it, the atmosphere there sucks ass.)
@9
The cyclists in Amsterdam are more dangerous than the cars. And they're riding some ancient bikes!
I live in Detroit, and that tunnel freaks me out every time. I've started blasting my iPod and closing my eyes (not the best idea on a moving sidewalk) when I have to go through. Which I have to regards of which gate I'm at since baggage claim is that way too.
And yes, Berry and Smith terminals are pure hell. I refuse to fly airlines that operate out of them.
Don't hate on O'Hare.
It makes me proud to be in Chicago.
(Though the trek from O'Hare to anywhere in the city is awful.)
I would much rather "walk toward the light" than have to walk by the statue of Bush Sr, coat flapping in the wind an all, at the Houston airport again.
Amen #16.
Weird. Dan, I took this picture in May 2004 (check out the URL - I just uploaded it because i recognized the similarity instantly).
Looks like we snapped at almost the exact same moment on the treadmil.
Too funny!! Made laugh and just had to say thanks for the smile.
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