Today is the day before Thanksgiving, and that means studios are letting their goods fly on a Wednesday to take advantage of your imminent freedom (or, for those with annoying families, your imminent imprisonment).

There are some good, if predictable, things (Michael Atkinson reviews Almodóvar’s Volver), and some okay things (read our less than enthralled reviews of The Fountain, Bobby, and Tenacious D in ‘The Pick of Destiny’ here). And, to quote the incomparable Lindy West, there is the movie that action-phobes should not hesitate to “break their Jerry Bruck-hymen on” (I think that’s a recommendation): the time-hopping terrorism porn entitled Déjà Vu.

There is also one nasty, despicable movie that you should never see. In fact, if anyone offers to pay you to see it, offer to shoot yourself in the face instead. I wish I had.

Deck the Halls
This offensive piece of smoldering crap is good for nothing except a litmus test for potential friends. Does your would-be buddy think gay panic is fucking hilarious? Find out when a naked Danny DeVito snuggles into a sleeping bag with a frozen Matthew Broderick! Does this person think it’s really chuckle-worthy when two fathers inadvertently catcall their teenage daughters? How about when a bully sheriff bends over to reveal his ladies’ thong underwear? How about when Kristin Chenowith debases herself in the role of yet another shrill, aging, busty ditz? Unless you’re a bad person, Deck the Halls will make you want to strangle yourself with a string of Christmas lights and gouge out your own eyes with the hook end of a candy cane. (ANNIE WAGNER)

In other movie news, you have only two more days to see Iraq in Fragments at the Varsity—it, tragically, was not extended for a third week. Times today are 4:45 and 7:15 and tomorrow 2:30 (that’s a matinee!), 4:45, and 7:15.

To Have and Have Not, which is the first movie to pair Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall, is fucking awesome. (Was you ever bit by a dead bee?) Catch it at the Grand Illusion today and tomorrow; Friday the GI switches to The Big Sleep, which The Stranger Suggests here. If you miss To Have and Have Not this week, Central Cinema is picking it up starting December 7.

On Friday Northwest Film Forum starts Malick’s Days of Heaven—not as awesome as Badlands, but still very, very good. Also Suggested, by moi.

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WEB EXTRA this week: Andrew Wright’s interview with director Darren Aronofsky (Pi, Requiem for a Dream, The Fountain). It’s online here.
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Give thanks for the movies!