WHO FORGOT TO TELL ME weather hottie Jim Castillo was back in town?

He of the blindingly pearly white toothsomeness, he of the perpetual off-camera Bermuda shorts (I have this on no authority, but just look at the guy and TELL me he’s not secretly wearing Bermuda shorts), he of the Q13 fame… is now on KOMO, in the morning, which is obviously not the time to be wearing Bermuda shorts. But I digress.

Here is the inimitable Adrian Ryan on the glories of Jim Castillo:

Jim’s all-too-brief time in Seattle made as deep an impression upon the face of Northwest newscasting as Mr. X’s huge penis did upon whatever face happened to be on the other side of that glory hole. Jim neither lives nor broadcasts in Seattle anymore, but he still deserves deep and penetrating appreciation. In a far more scientific poll than the one conducted for Christine Chen, it was once determined that during the pinnacle of his local reign, 35.5 percent of news watchers would rather perform slurpy fellatio on Jim Castillo’s 7.5 inches of uncut lovesleeve over the uncut lovesleeves of any other local male newscaster. Sadly, in the summer of 2002, Jim and his hypothetical lovesleeve flew our Seattley coop to thrive sexily at another Fox affiliate in sexy, sexy New York instead. But it bears reflection that Jim’s general beefcakeyness was capitalized upon early in his career by wise female producers at one of his first stations in Columbia, Missouri, who increased their viewership by a gazillion, forcing Jim to strip down and get sweaty every day on air. “I loved it,” Jim once lied. Sadly, Jim Castillo is the only male newscaster in Seattle history that can be definitively ruled out as being Mr. X. Maybe.

Ignore all that blather about gay Mr. X. No, actually, read all about gay Mr. X. Again, I give you Adrian:

If this were indeed the right moment to finally expose the true identity of Mr. X, we could entertain you with details aplenty about pecker-waggy, booze-swilly scandal, for Mr. X, who isn’t and never was Karl Rove or Steve Pool or Kathi Goertzen, has allegedly been swilling the booze and wagging the pecker at pseudo-willing and mostly gay men in pseudo-salacious and mostly gay circumstances since the peckers and the booze and the gays were invented. Described variously as a “desperate slut,” “Seattle’s randiest TV news personality,” and a “fruity mass guaranteed to make you feel like shit in the morning” (but rarely, if ever, described as KING 5’s Jeff Renner), the legendary Mr. X’s widely celebrated deviant activity is hardly limited to the aforementioned indiscriminate wagging of his freakishly enormous baloney pony. In fact, more recent reports seem to indicate a nascent proclivity for, as it were, “taking it up the ass.” (Or as Jean Enersen calls it, “le poop chute.”)

Oh, mysterious and butt-anomalous Mr. X! Will we ever come to know the real you? May God seriously forbid.

Le poop chute. Dear god. Anyway, Jim Castillo!