City I, Anonymous: Sometimes People Get What They Deserve Edition
posted by November 20 at 8:17 AMon
After years of editing the I, Anonymous column and wrangling the I, Anonymous forum, I’ve become somewhat inured to the hideous extremes of both. (For example, I took this idiotically sadistic entry in stride until the responses—from dozens of outraged readers to one very concerned animal-control officer—started landing.)
However, the I, Anon submission below really stuck with me. Bolds are mine.
I was riding my bike down Pike approaching 6th in the pouring rain. You and your fat kid were taking up the whole sidewalk. I tried to get around you, I even called out to you that I was passing on the right. While swerving to avoid you, I hit a wet metal plate, was thrown from my bike and ate pavement. My bike flew out the other way and took out your fat kid. After causing me to fall face-first in a puddle in the street, not only did you not help me up but you had the nerve to yell at me! I said I was sorry, but I’m not. I hope next time the bike hits all 3 of you- in fact next time, I won’t bother trying to go around you. And when I’m in my car, I’ll be looking for you—and I won’t be the one face down in the road.
People using I, Anonymous to rail against perceived personal injustices is nothing new. But rarely has someone written in to bemoan an injustice that seems to me to be perfectly just karmic retribution. Call me crazy, but people who bike on sidewalks shouldn’t be surprised when they’re required to avoid people walking on the motherfucking sidewalks. If these sidewalk bikers are so klutzy they “eat pavement” while executing what should be an entirely routine maneuver, they shouldn’t be so stupid as to blame the sidewalk walkers for their own klutziness. And if a bike belonging to a klutzy asshole sidewalk biker happens to strike an innocent bystander, the klutzy asshole sidewalk biker really, really shouldn’t threaten to run down the innocent bystander/victim with a car. But maybe I’m old-fashioned.