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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

David Blaine Can Suck My Ass

posted by on November 22 at 11:45 AM

Continuining a lifelong tradition of ignoring legitimate horror to obsess over stupid flurries of nothing, I fucking hate David Blaine.

The “endurance artist”/magician/masochistic exhibitionist with a Jesus complex has been on my shitlist since I first learned of his creepy existence, and my scorn has grown with each of his self-serving public grotesqueries. What’s “magic” about spending half a week inside a closet of ice at Lincoln Center, or going without food while standing atop a 90-foot pillar for 36 hours? Nothing, and the driving force behind all of Blaine’s stunts has always seemed some perverse combination of a need for attention and a need to suffer. Ta-dah!

And then I saw Blaine’s new commercial for Target, where the world’s most self-obsessed sub bottom actually claims he’s doing it for the kids.

Blet.

Blet, blet, blet.

Mistress Matisse: Can you shed any light on Blaine’s hidden-in-plain-sight kink?

RSS icon Comments

1

Well, he does look good with his shirt off, so that's one redeeming quality.

Posted by Andrew | November 22, 2006 12:02 PM
2

Not really Andrew, that's just a trick he does with some string and mirrors.

Posted by monkey | November 22, 2006 12:06 PM
3

I'd be much more accepting of David Blaine spending a week tied up in Andrew's apartment than any of the public shit he's done.

Posted by David Schmader | November 22, 2006 12:10 PM
4


Amen, brother. Can't stand that guy. Plus, I can't stand the whole fretful girlfriend routine either. It's garbage.

However, I thought Andrew's post was really funny.

Posted by amen | November 22, 2006 12:16 PM
5

Amen: What's the "fretful GF" routine?? Do Blaine stunts actually feature such a thing?

Posted by David Schmader | November 22, 2006 12:19 PM
6

Twaaaah.

Posted by Ivan Cockrum | November 22, 2006 12:22 PM
7

at least he's not dane cook.

Posted by seattle98104 | November 22, 2006 12:33 PM
8

WTF is a sub bottom?

Posted by SB | November 22, 2006 1:45 PM
9

I think I would call Mr. Blaine a masochistic attention-whore. He's the spiritual brother of Steve-O and the Jackass boys. It's just that Mr Blaine tries to clothe his tendencies in more lofty circumstances and rationals.

Masochistic attention-whores can sometimes be entertaining in small doses. However, I don't think Blaine is one bit *submissive*...

Posted by Mistress Matisse | November 22, 2006 3:10 PM
10

Do you guys get Darren Brown over there? Maybe on BBC America or whatever. He's a British magician who's way better than Blaine and doesn't get into all that cod mysticism that Blaine does. Brown is interesting because he stresses that it is illusion and nothing magical, and goes as far as explaining how his tricks work and how he uses suggestion to get the desired result to happen. Much more interesting and refreshing than having to sit through Blaine's mumbo-jumbo.

Posted by Gabriel | November 22, 2006 3:10 PM
11

I don't quite get the hostility. Weren't most of Houdini's "magic" tricks similarly exhibitionist (or at least highly public) stunts and spectacles?

I guess Houdini was an "escaper" rather than a "sufferer", but still ...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Houdini#Magic

Posted by abracapocus | November 22, 2006 3:33 PM
12

I've heard Blaine say basically the same thing about his big publicity stunts, that he thinks they're relatively lame and not as interesting as his real tricks, but that they're essential for marketing himself and that Houdini did the same thing. But even his small-scale magic, like card tricks and the like, is not well respected among other magicians. He's apparently not very smooth to the trained eye.

Posted by Gabriel | November 22, 2006 3:40 PM
13

Dave, I am totally with you. That guy completely sucks and is an annoying attention hog! Just thinking about him makes me aggravated.

Posted by gillian | November 22, 2006 4:15 PM
14

No you don't get it! He's spotlighting common assholes (no proctologist intended). Waint no, I thought we were talking abut Borat. My bad.

Posted by You Put Cigarettes Out On Your Inner Child, Schmader. | November 22, 2006 4:31 PM
15

I agree with Schmader's assessment that Blaine's stunts are "some perverse combination of a need for attention and a need to suffer." It's true. But the difference is that I don't judge Blaine for it. He seems like a pretty morose guy that has some dark days in his past. This is his warped way of working through it. I find it interesting.

Blaine has spoken many times about his admiration for Harry Houdini. He is basically doing the same thing as his hero. Death-defying stunts. Houdini provided some bizarre entertainment a century ago, and Blaine is doing it now. I don't get too chafed about it.

Posted by Jamey | November 23, 2006 9:20 AM
16

Yeah, my chafing is weird and personal and stems almost entirely from the final footage of any Blaine stunt, where our hero is shown in dire physical/mental condition—trembling, dehydrated, almost in shock—and yet he still manages to give a weary wave to all those people who are presumably being saved through his suffering. It's just gets so tortured and Jesusy, and when you realize that any and all suffering he's endured was entirely self-inflicted and self-serving, it just leaves a bad, bad taste in my mouth, one I try to get rid of by spitting at Blaine over the internet.

But I'm sure he's an otherwise fine human being. I'm just tired of ignoring the huge white elephant in the middle of the room that is Blaine's weird, driven masochism.

Posted by David Schmader | November 23, 2006 12:09 PM

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