Comments on Crystal Cathedral

Wait, he's using the meth version of the "didn't inhale" defense?

And of course, it's pretty telling that he considers copping (partially) to the meth allegation less damaging than admitting to the gay sex allegation.

He is SO going down, and I don't mean in a gay way.

First of all, Dan, masterful headline for this post. Please reuse when you write your full commentary. But c'mon - who exactly is going to believe Haggart "only" bought the meth but didn't use it, and "only" received a massage from Jones (who I'll agree, is pretty hunky for a 49-year old). Geez, even a sweet, innocent midwestern-raised former evangelical kid like myself knows that's a bunch of sh*t. This guy has had to have counseled dozens of dudes caught in sexual indescetions before—I can't believe he doesn't see the writing on the wall and just come clean.

Obviously Haggard's early statement that "some" of the allegations were true was hedging his bets, so that he could wait and see what the evidence against him was and admit to only what he had to. I would expect him to take the Foley/Limbaugh/Everyone-else who-gets-caught-redhanded route and check himself into rehab and ask for forgiveness (because the evangelicals apparently consider supporting the meth trade a lesser sin to getting a blowjob from a dude,) but the "I didn't inhale" defense is a novel twist.

I'm betting he breathed a sigh of relief when he heard there weren't videotapes.

Note that he didn't mention what part of his body was being massaged, or what part of Jones's body he was massaging it with.

Ha, I so called this yesterday. I said he was going to use the "Demon Rum" excuse (a la Mark Foley and who knows how many others - some big-ass sob story about having an alcohol problem). But this is even more pathetic - he's claiming was just "curious" about the Demon Meth.

That has to be the most pitiful excuse for ...well, for an excuse...that I've ever seen.

Dude, just admit it. You wanted to get high and get some tail. There's nothing wrong with that. Your church preaches against it, you've railed against it plenty of times yourself, so now you know all your preaching against it just makes people obsess about it. Just come out, admit you've been an asshat, and start acting like a human being.

Maybe he was trying to lose weight, 'cause yah know what really works? Atkins and crystal meth.

No seriously, that Atkins shit will kill you.

After watching that ABC News clip, I can only conclude that Evangelical Christians aren’t just loony, they are FUBAR (Fraked Up Beyond All Recognition) crazy.

..but supposedly there is an audiotape.
i watched an interview with him last night where he denied he knew of a mike jones. but then again he was prolly thinking of the rapper mike joooones, mike jooones. he's positive he didn't get no crystal from no rapper.

Was it a prostate massage perhaps?

" Jaythus Christ "
side note: from known evidence ,users, discovery channel etc etc Meth enhances ones abiltiy to make judgements even though profound they are still pshychologically sound and inwardly reflect as well as outwardly reflect on ones own soul and inhibitions,exspecially with a first time user, more so than a sober mind.
et al...
So he really wanted the dick is all i'm saying..............

It’s incredible, isn’t it?

Almost every day some new super-scandal emerges from the right wing Christians and Republican Party that would have brought down any other political group or government administration overnight, and I mean they would have imploded – BOOM!

There have been so many daily and weekly scandals over the last six years that it’s nearly impossible to catalogue them all, and yet those damn Republicans and Evangelical Christians are still standing. What the hell has this country come to?

Rehab by the end of the weekend? Although if he didn't inhale, there's nothing to rehab, right? So how does he spin that?

NO self-respecting hotel will refer you to that kind of massage, although people ask about it all the time. When I worked at the Four Seasons, the appropriate reply was to suggest people try the yellow pages.

And "that" kind of massage equals AT THE VERY LEAST a hand job. I know that because I've had "that" kind of massage.

Finally, if he was curious about meth, there are other ways to find out than searching out a hooker. I'm sure there are parishoners in his church who have experience with it, whom he could talk to. There are probably some who would hook him up with it, if he explained he just wanted to know about it.

In short, this is a load of crap. Why doesn't he just come clean? Why do conservatives always have to be dragged out into the open in regards to being honest about their actions.

I can't wait to see Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck falling all over themselves to absolve the guy after this "confession."

By the way, that Glenn Beck, what an assbag.

On the voicemail audio Haggard says: "Hey, I was just calling to see if we could get any more. Either $100 or $200 supply."

The word "more" here suggests that he's made this purchase before. Wouldn't that be inconsistent with his claim that he bought it but never tried it? Who would go back for more without having tried the first stash?

What I meant to say is, "If you don't do well in school and study hard, you'll get us stuck in a gay prostitute in Denver."

Sorry, one other thing: Almost every hotel and motel will have a list of legitimate massage therapists to call, just like they do legitimate babysitters. Not only for their reputation, but because they get a piece of the action, financially.

Sorry to harp, but as a former hotel person, it bugs me when people try to blame the hotel when they are covering their asses. Like the people that accuse the maids of stealing money when they lost it gambling, or try to say the maid has been drinking out of their mini-bar.

OK. That's the last I'll say about hotels. Really.

Oh, come on, are you telling me you doubt the word of a Man of God when he says that he bought meth because he was curious, but resisted the temptation to try it, just because he then bought some more? Obviously, once he successfully resisted the temptation of his $200 pile of the stuff, he was trying to see if he could resist a $400 pile too. Sheesh.

And as Catalina points out, it was obviously hotel staff who snuck into his room and pounded his ass for hours on end, while he was sleeping.

He's a MAN OF GOD, people!

I think there is a 5% chance that Haggard will come clean and apologize to his fellow members of the gay community.

95% chance he will join the ex-gay movement and even become their poster boy for converting to hetrosexuality.

hey! did he become ex-gay, before or after the wife and kids??

Wait a second! According to D.A.R.E., isn't pot the gateway drug? It's pretty doubtful that he transitioned directly from drug-free to curiosity driven methamphetamine purchases...and what consierge service offers a list of dealers?

If someone would have made a movie with this story line, no one would believe it could be true. "I bought it but never tried it"? F-ing PRICELESS!!!!!!!!

And Gomez: I would give a weeks pay to kick GB's skinny white ass.

The restaurant I was at last night had CNN on and GB opened the show going on about how the liberal (jew-run) media was covering up the Kerry flap, because it got page 18 coverage in the NYT. WTFSERIOUSLY?

@10: The evangelical christians and right wingers are still standing, because when it comes to one of their own this is the attitude:

(from the P-I)

Church member E.J. Cox, 25, called the claims "ridiculous."

"People are always saying stuff about Pastor Ted," she said. "You just sort of blow it off. He's just like anyone else in the public eye."

Nothing like ordering up a bag of meth so you can truly enjoy a nice relaxing massage!

Noel Black: Hilarious!

This just gets more preposterous every hour. We are all laughing at the transparent bullshit that it is, but you know that probably 10,000 of his parishioners are sitting in Boulder right now saying "that damned liburul media's tellin lies about our preacher!" They'll be tithing till it hurts on Sunday. "I didn't inhale" worked for Clinton. You know a lot of true believers are going to buy "I never used it" from Haggard.

There's an aspect to this story that perfectly demonstrates why gay politics is way behind the curve as far as civil rights are concerned... For _three years_ Mike Jones has been cornholing Haggard, and he never _once_ realized that this guy is a major player in the anti-gay crowd? It took an arduous, sustained, disciplined campaign for the African-Americans to win their civil rights guaranteed by the Constitution. Can you imagine MLK coming forward & saying, "Gee, I've seen George Wallace hanging around the Blues Club every Friday night, and singing Gospel music in our Baptist Church every Sunday, I never realized until today that.... He hates blacks!"

The Evangelicals are where they are now because of the same sustained & disciplined campaign, they started in the 80's getting elected to school boards, other positions of local authority. It's paid off here in the 21st C. Can the gays maintain such a disciplined, sustained effort for their own civil rights? Judging from this story, not really: they're too busy sucking evangelical dick.

Holy fuck, God exists and the bitch knows what she's doing!

"THEY TOOK 'R JOBS!!" The GOP after next week.

Writing from Colorado Springs here, where the tempest of awesome is taking place.

Knowing Haggard's position on this, I think he'll cop to the "Demon Rum" defense mentioned above, perhaps enter rehab and disappear from the public eye for a while. It remains to be seen if he'll even remotely admit to any gay liason—but, if he had contacts with Jones, there are probably other guys out there whose services he used, as well. And it's only a matter of time for them to go public.

After that? I'm pretty sure it's "ex-gay" ministry for Pastor Ted.

But hey, I know the feeling. Nothing beats the blues like a fat bag of tina and a prostitute. Good times.

If ever you wanted to know what happened to Clinton's old lawyers, I think now we know!

"I did not have a homosexual relationship with a man in Denver"

Was it outside of Denver? Was it a different man? Was it just sex, no relationship involved?

Its a sad day when people are more willing to admit to buying drugs (a felony I do believe) over having sex with a prostitute, gay or otherwise.