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Saturday, November 11, 2006

All Children Need a Mother and a Father—Especially Britney’s Children

posted by on November 11 at 17:07 PM

1163053899_britney_spears_kevin_federl.jpg

Hey, Rick Santorum! Do something productive during your final days in the U.S. Senate! Defend traditional marriage and the American family—well, an American family—and introduce the Defense of Britney’s Marriage Act!

One of the arguments opponents of gay marriage make is that every child needs exactly one mother and one father to grow up to be a healthy adult. Isn’t it clear that Britney’s and K-Fed’s children also need a mother and a father? They need a mother who can provide them with all of the material goods they require, which their father can’t provide, and they need a father who can pick them up without dropping them. I think it is clear that neither of them alone can provide the care essential to the well-being of these children.

If Republicans really want to protect the institution of marriage, and were not simply trying to ban gay marriage to use it as a wedge issue in the campaign, then they should prove their dedication to this cause by introducing the Defense of Britney’s Marriage Act as the first order of business in the lame-duck session of Congress and President Bush should sign it. I am sure that Britney would have no problem with the Federal government intervening to stop her divorce since she once said, as depicted in Michael Moore’s film Farenheit 9/11, “Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision he makes and should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens.” So please write to your Congressmen and Senators and ask them to save Britney’s and K-Fed’s marriage now—before it is too late.

Thanks to Slog tipper Sachi.

RSS icon Comments

1

Defense of their marriage won't save those children... Only the best nanny money can buy could possibly offer those kids any chance in life. Any chance to become something other than a destroyed Paris Hilton-wannabee, that is.

Oh god, it's too depressing to think about...

Posted by L | November 11, 2006 7:11 PM
2

I could not possibly care less about anything that happens to him, her, or their spawn. The only thing I've ever been curious about her was why anyone was ever interested in her. Once the Lolita effect had worn off (or did it ever?), the average shallow American fascination with that fucking twit remains a mystery to me. Although Madonna being interested in her made perfect sense. She did look mighty fetchin' on that Rolling Stone cover a few years back. I mean, there are many more innocent-looking blondes, most of them much brighter and more talented than her. Unless people are actually seeking flaws in the people they idolize - the infamous American narcissism taken to a perverted degree; Ditzney's become a beacon for white trash aspirations. Thanks for reminding me about her support for our criminal idiot of a president, though. I'd forgotten about that, but probably because nothing about her is anything I want to remember.

Posted by Drake | November 12, 2006 12:52 AM
3

Let's not forget that the actual Defense of Marriage Act was signed into law by Bill Clinton, a Democrat.

As we celebrate the end of GOP control of Congress we should not let down our guard. We should not assume that the new congress will support queer rights. As usual we need to continue working to keep them honest.

Posted by Patrick | November 12, 2006 6:03 AM
4

You're nuts, Drake. Brit's a maroon, but has made a lot of killer pop records. More talented blondes? I can't think of many.

Posted by Fnarf | November 12, 2006 11:58 AM
5

I think a nice gay couple should get married in British Columbia, Canada, move to the States, and take care of those poor kids.

At least then they'll have a stable home environment.

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Posted by rqjutsxwa lmoscfux | November 15, 2006 3:28 PM
9

Defense of their marriage won't save those children... Only the best nanny money can buy could possibly offer those kids any chance in life. Any chance to become something other than a destroyed Paris Hilton-wannabee, that is. I disagree go to http://www.apartments.waw.pl/

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