Slog - Comments on Savage Love Letter of the Day http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1 I've been doing this for a while, so I don't get many questions I haven't seen some version of in the past. This one, however, is unique. Hello. Please advise me Mr. Savage. Last night I brushed my teeth at 9:30pm. I got to the club at 10:00pm. I spot a young lady. I was drinking Cranberry & vodka. Fast forward. Around 12am the young lady came up to me and asked if i had a piece of gum. "No. But I have this." Listerine pocket mist. I gave her a squirt. I took acouple. We then made out—alot. Fast... Copyright 2008 Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:01:40 -0800 Fri, 17 Nov 2006 00:31:46 -0800 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.34 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Comment by wags Yeah, I was the previous guy, and she got most of it out when she spit, so I think it's probably all good.

]]> wags http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482503 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482503 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:14:57 -0800 Comment by patrick C Would the same fears be present if a male made out with a male that just finished going down on a female?

Does that arouse equal concerns of disease or would it inspire more men to make out ("I just gave Susie a hot blow job. Wanna taste her?")?

]]> patrick C http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482515 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482515 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:31:42 -0800 Comment by Joey from SF While I'm pretty sure "dead sperm" can't carry HIV, I don't think that's really the issue...I think he's freaked out by the fact that he was so close to a mouth that had just given head to another man.

And yes, he's absolutely a slut, too! Damn hypocrite.

]]> Joey from SF http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482518 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482518 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:35:52 -0800 Comment by Mike in MO that dude is definitely homophobic. straight guys are so retarded, they actually believe kissing a girl who has recently sucked a cock is the same thing as actually sucking a cock.

]]> Mike in MO http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482521 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482521 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:37:42 -0800 Comment by Gomez I'm one to point out hidden prejudices as much as anyone, but it appears to me like he's mainly concerned with the health risk.

]]> Gomez http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482525 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482525 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:43:12 -0800 Comment by Dilda Puleeze, the guy's not homophobic.

This is not far fetched. I remember a case in CA about a woman who blew a guy, kept the 'deposit' in her mouth and then inseminated herself had a baby and then sued the poor dude for child support.

]]> Dilda http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482526 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482526 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:43:52 -0800 Comment by skidog Answer his freakin' question, Dan! We've all wondered this before!

]]> skidog http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482530 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482530 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:47:39 -0800 Comment by him Uh, I think he's more concerned about health issues. He's probably also creeped out by the 3rd-hand blowjob, but that's not what compelled him to write. I know I'd wonder about health consequences. Sperm and the diseases in semen don't just immediately die once they're released, and he has reason to believe he might've swallowed some swimmers. Although without any sores in his mouth, he's probably safe.

]]> him http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482531 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482531 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:48:04 -0800 Comment by Soupytwist Hmmm...

Unknown semen samples are scary for a variety of reasons.

Gross.

]]> Soupytwist http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482536 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482536 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 12:56:56 -0800 Comment by Gavin Newsom Would it have been as scary for him if she had only given the first guy a rim job? There wouldn't be any semen involved in that.

]]> Gavin Newsom http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482544 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482544 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:06:52 -0800 Comment by charles homophobia != fear orally transmitted mystery fluids

something tells me a lesbian in the same situation wouldn't be most upset by the fact that the fluid in question doesn't fit into the panoply of fluids her sexual orientation normally encounters.

but what do I know, i'm just some guy.

]]> charles http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482546 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482546 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:13:29 -0800 Comment by Lark Hawk You know, the top points on the AIDS prevention checklist (Use a condom, know your partner... well, that's about it really), don't address this question. I remember, back in the 80's, wondering if heterosexual oral sex could transmit AIDS, or if it was a safer alternative. With all the publicity surrounding the diesease back then, I couldn't find the answer to that seemingly simple question. I think the answer is that, yes, heterosexual oral sex can transmit HIV. Also, I think that today, in the age of the internet, it probably wouldn't be too hard for me to find out for sure, if I still needed that information.

So this guy did something skanky with a girl he found out later was more skanky than he realized. I think it is legitimate to have health concers after something like that. But then again, the line about taking lots more Listerine and alcohol does smack of homosexual panic.

Either way, Dan, please answer the question, because now I am curious and I don't want to have to google for "oral sex" and "HIV" at work.

]]> Lark Hawk http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482551 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482551 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:18:03 -0800 Comment by ky He should just go get himself tested and stop freaking out with what ifs. You have it or you don't, go find out and get over the "stigma" of hiv testing.

]]> ky http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482554 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482554 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:25:20 -0800 Comment by Dan Savage The odds of him actually getting infected are vanishingly sim. Saliva kills HIV—not right away, but quick enough. If you don't have an open sore in your mouth, swallowing semen is RELATIVELY low risk. (Not NO RISK, folks, LOW RISK, which means—duh—you can get infected giving head.) But whatever she had in her mouth two hours before they made out is not going to do him any harm. He's only at risk for cooties, which is what he caught.

]]> Dan Savage http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482559 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482559 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:36:34 -0800 Comment by Gitai I love snowballing.

]]> Gitai http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482562 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482562 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 13:41:27 -0800 Comment by Pascal I agree that he's chiefly paranoid for health reasons. Homophobia isn't really that big of an element, though I'm sure the sheer gross out force has a lot to do with it, too. Having some strange dude's cum in your mouth is just gross, and it's not homophobic to think so.


~Resident Dyke Under 30
(So I'm still allowed to say "dude")

]]> Pascal http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482601 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482601 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 14:29:59 -0800 Comment by Geni Am I the only one flashing on the whole Snowball bit in Clerks?

Some straight guys are so fucking weird. They're terrified to do a three-way with another guy and a girl, because if they happen to touch the other guy while they have a boner, they think that makes the recessive gay gene leap to the fore and next thing you know, they'll be parading down Main Street in a lime-green thong and glitter platforms.

This is why I don't have much to do with guys who aren't at least nominally bisexual. This constant obsession with fearing the touch of another man just makes me tired.

]]> Geni http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482638 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482638 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:17:58 -0800 Comment by Geni Oh, and yes, I realize my previous post had nothing whatever to do with the guy's question. But I can't imagine the HIV virus - which is quite easily killed in the lab - surviving Listerine, that kills really horrendous and tough pathogens.

Then again, is the guy positive he tested negative in the first place?

I do think calling HER a slut is a bit lame, given the context. They're both sluts, and there's nothing wrong with sluts. They're some of my favorite people.

]]> Geni http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482639 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482639 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:20:58 -0800 Comment by Queequeg Why don't you just answer his fucking question, instead of launching into a Phyllis Shlafley tirade? There's a big difference between intelligent discourse and intellectual masturbation. AFAIC, the Stranger never misses an opportunity to eschew the former for the sake of the latter.

]]> Queequeg http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482661 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482661 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 15:50:07 -0800 Comment by L
wait wait wait... We're calling this guy a slut because he made out with some chick in a bar? As in... kissed her on the mouth?

How many people have SERIOUSLY NEVER kissed someone they just met in a bar? I *know* Slog readers aren't no-kissing-till-the-third-date types... (in fact, I'm not convinced those types exist)

Now... blowing some guy and then going to make out with some other unknown guy. That's sluttiness on a whole 'nother scale. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

]]> L http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482668 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482668 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 16:07:40 -0800 Comment by matthew 98% homo panic, 2% health concern
if he's making out "a lot" with a girl he JUST met at a club, I doubt that concerns for health are at the top of his list. He is working towards the next step of sex WITH A WOMAN.
This is way too obvious.

]]> matthew http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482709 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482709 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:00:51 -0800 Comment by Paulus Jesus! Not wanting some stranger's cum swimming around your mouth doesn't make you a fucking homophobe. I don't like dogs licking all over my face so, what, I must secretly fear/hate them too?

Ugh, people. Ugh.

]]> Paulus http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482711 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482711 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:03:03 -0800 Comment by Paulus I mean, really, if a woman got grossed-out because she discovered some guy she just made out with had moments before just eaten the fuck out of some other girl's pussy, does that make her a dyke-hating homophobe.

Puh-lease!

]]> Paulus http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482718 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482718 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:07:38 -0800 Comment by Fnarf I think the real source of his anxiety is the fact that this own predecessor got blown while all he got was a kissy face. Where's HIS blowjob, huh?

I'm also curious to know, which leaves more little swimmers in the mouth: spitting or swallowing? I'd guess the former. Unless this guy's tongue is two feet long.

]]> Fnarf http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482726 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482726 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:10:02 -0800 Comment by Em from Philly I'm gonna have to say that blowing a guy in a club is way sluttier then just making out. Not that there's anything wrong with being slutty.

]]> Em from Philly http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482760 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482760 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 18:11:07 -0800 Comment by brian Some guys always use the term slut to describe women so they can make themselves seem ok when they also are being promiscuous.
Gay men do it too so that they can feel superior and part of an elite group that are sexual without being "Sluts". I guess everyone does it.
But the word "slut" is not really being used to describe someone that has sex with lots of people it is being used to make the people using it feel superior.
In this case the guy feels insecure about the possibility of having touched another guys cum so he has to save face in some way so it is the woman's fault. If he had gone down on a woman earlier would he be a "slut". Well according to him probably not because he would not want to insult himself unless he is feeling like he is cool for doing it. The term it is so adolescent.

]]> brian http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482778 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482778 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 18:40:30 -0800 Comment by Sha I'm with Geni on the bisexual guy part. Nothing irks me more than a guy who has a fear of man fluids. And what's up with guys who expect you to kiss them after they give you oral but won't kiss you after you take their load? Why is one more gross than the other.

And the dude's a smidge homophobic. He did all that listerine after.

The whole woman as a slut thing pisses me off as well. Brian has that one right.

]]> Sha http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482820 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482820 Sex Fri, 27 Oct 2006 21:11:28 -0800 Comment by cite Dan Savage -- I just read your entry about the local "Puritans" who want to enforce the 4 foot rule, and then moments later I read you asking if this guy is a "slut" for making out with a stranger he just met? I don't get it. So I guess I'm a huge slut cause I've definitely made out with strangers before! And by the way, I'm gay but if I made out with some guy and found out he'd just given a BJ to some other guy, I'd be kind of grossed out too. I'd say I was just a little squeamish, but I guess maybe I'm a homophobe in addition to being a slut.

]]> cite http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482898 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482898 Sex Sat, 28 Oct 2006 04:26:32 -0800 Comment by Popoff Answer the question Dan: What's the name of the slut's club!

]]> Popoff http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482949 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c482949 Sex Sat, 28 Oct 2006 09:48:35 -0800 Comment by rodrigo Back in the day, it was "Delta Delta Delta".

]]> rodrigo http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483060 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483060 Sex Sat, 28 Oct 2006 17:42:58 -0800 Comment by qua? I say both boy and girl are utter twits. But she gets props for disclosing risky business in the first place. Unless it's some weird repetitive fetish of hers, cuz that would be just not cool.

]]> qua? http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483179 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483179 Sex Sun, 29 Oct 2006 02:59:54 -0800 Comment by so He was just pissed cause he wasn't the one who got the bj.

]]> so http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483333 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483333 Sex Sun, 29 Oct 2006 16:04:53 -0800 Comment by Joshy I want to know how the guy found out the chick had blown the other guy. Did she tell him after they had been making out? Did the just blown guy walk up and say "Hey, that chick just took my spew in her mouth"? I mean, how did he find out? He sounds like a germaphobe more than anything else. This was a good letter Dan. My favorite still is one you had years ago from a guy who ate at an Indian restaurant with a date, went home with her, had incredible sex. The next morning while she was showering (at her place) the guy is in her bed and rips a fart. It was a wet fart and it left a saffron stain on the chick's sheets. The guy was so embarassed that he ran out of the place before the chick even got out of the shower. He wrote you because he really liked her, but didn't know how to face calling her after leaving that nice saffron smear on her sheets. Classic old Hey Faggot. Why can't you print more like that?

]]> Joshy http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483553 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c483553 Sex Mon, 30 Oct 2006 11:12:45 -0800 Comment by Kody Foster Madonna says she may adopt another child from abroad following her proposed adoption of a Malawian boy...

]]> Kody Foster http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c490735 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c490735 Sex Sun, 12 Nov 2006 06:50:06 -0800 Comment by Sage Packard The Rolling Stones postpone a show in the US to allow singer Sir Mick Jagger time to rest his voice...

]]> Sage Packard http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c490772 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c490772 Sex Sun, 12 Nov 2006 12:43:52 -0800 Comment by Craig Burdick London-born rapper Sway is to be honoured at the BET Hip-Hop awards in the US...

]]> Craig Burdick http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c493490 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c493490 Sex Thu, 16 Nov 2006 19:04:32 -0800 Comment by Izaiah Robinette Pop trio Atomic Kitten will reform to play a concert in support of jailed Liverpool football fan Michael Shields...

]]> Izaiah Robinette http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c493630 http://slog.thestranger.com/2006/10/savage_love_letter_o_1#c493630 Sex Fri, 17 Nov 2006 00:31:46 -0800