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Friday, October 27, 2006

Savage Love Letter of the Day

posted by on October 27 at 12:01 PM

I’ve been doing this for a while, so I don’t get many questions I haven’t seen some version of in the past. This one, however, is unique.

Hello. Please advise me Mr. Savage.

Last night I brushed my teeth at 9:30pm. I got to the club at 10:00pm. I spot a young lady. I was drinking Cranberry & vodka. Fast forward. Around 12am the young lady came up to me and asked if i had a piece of gum. “No. But I have this.” Listerine pocket mist. I gave her a squirt. I took acouple. We then made out—alot. Fast forward. I find out she shortly before me blew a guy. She let him cum in her mouth. She “spit,” …supposudly. I did ALOT of Listerine and MORE cranberry.

Now the questions: 1) How long does sperm stay alive after ejected? 2) Does dead sperm carry HIV??
3) Am I at any risk? I don’t have any open sores or any gum bledding when brushing. And finally: When some one asked for a piece of gum, is what they really mean “I just let someone spew in my mouth,…wanna make out”????

Dam I Made Out With A Slut

Hm… is DIMOWAS concerned about health issues? Or is this a case of homosexual panic? And if you’re making out with people you just met, can you complain about what—or who—they were doing before you met? And isn’t he a slut too?

RSS icon Comments


Yeah, I was the previous guy, and she got most of it out when she spit, so I think it's probably all good.

Posted by wags | October 27, 2006 12:14 PM

Would the same fears be present if a male made out with a male that just finished going down on a female?

Does that arouse equal concerns of disease or would it inspire more men to make out ("I just gave Susie a hot blow job. Wanna taste her?")?

Posted by patrick C | October 27, 2006 12:31 PM

While I'm pretty sure "dead sperm" can't carry HIV, I don't think that's really the issue...I think he's freaked out by the fact that he was so close to a mouth that had just given head to another man.

And yes, he's absolutely a slut, too! Damn hypocrite.

Posted by Joey from SF | October 27, 2006 12:35 PM

that dude is definitely homophobic. straight guys are so retarded, they actually believe kissing a girl who has recently sucked a cock is the same thing as actually sucking a cock.

Posted by Mike in MO | October 27, 2006 12:37 PM

I'm one to point out hidden prejudices as much as anyone, but it appears to me like he's mainly concerned with the health risk.

Posted by Gomez | October 27, 2006 12:43 PM

Puleeze, the guy's not homophobic.

This is not far fetched. I remember a case in CA about a woman who blew a guy, kept the 'deposit' in her mouth and then inseminated herself had a baby and then sued the poor dude for child support.

Posted by Dilda | October 27, 2006 12:43 PM

Answer his freakin' question, Dan! We've all wondered this before!

Posted by skidog | October 27, 2006 12:47 PM

Uh, I think he's more concerned about health issues. He's probably also creeped out by the 3rd-hand blowjob, but that's not what compelled him to write. I know I'd wonder about health consequences. Sperm and the diseases in semen don't just immediately die once they're released, and he has reason to believe he might've swallowed some swimmers. Although without any sores in his mouth, he's probably safe.

Posted by him | October 27, 2006 12:48 PM


Unknown semen samples are scary for a variety of reasons.


Posted by Soupytwist | October 27, 2006 12:56 PM

Would it have been as scary for him if she had only given the first guy a rim job? There wouldn't be any semen involved in that.

Posted by Gavin Newsom | October 27, 2006 1:06 PM

homophobia != fear orally transmitted mystery fluids

something tells me a lesbian in the same situation wouldn't be most upset by the fact that the fluid in question doesn't fit into the panoply of fluids her sexual orientation normally encounters.

but what do I know, i'm just some guy.

Posted by charles | October 27, 2006 1:13 PM

You know, the top points on the AIDS prevention checklist (Use a condom, know your partner... well, that's about it really), don't address this question. I remember, back in the 80's, wondering if heterosexual oral sex could transmit AIDS, or if it was a safer alternative. With all the publicity surrounding the diesease back then, I couldn't find the answer to that seemingly simple question. I think the answer is that, yes, heterosexual oral sex can transmit HIV. Also, I think that today, in the age of the internet, it probably wouldn't be too hard for me to find out for sure, if I still needed that information.

So this guy did something skanky with a girl he found out later was more skanky than he realized. I think it is legitimate to have health concers after something like that. But then again, the line about taking lots more Listerine and alcohol does smack of homosexual panic.

Either way, Dan, please answer the question, because now I am curious and I don't want to have to google for "oral sex" and "HIV" at work.

Posted by Lark Hawk | October 27, 2006 1:18 PM

He should just go get himself tested and stop freaking out with what ifs. You have it or you don't, go find out and get over the "stigma" of hiv testing.

Posted by ky | October 27, 2006 1:25 PM

The odds of him actually getting infected are vanishingly sim. Saliva kills HIV—not right away, but quick enough. If you don't have an open sore in your mouth, swallowing semen is RELATIVELY low risk. (Not NO RISK, folks, LOW RISK, which means—duh—you can get infected giving head.) But whatever she had in her mouth two hours before they made out is not going to do him any harm. He's only at risk for cooties, which is what he caught.

Posted by Dan Savage | October 27, 2006 1:36 PM

I love snowballing.

Posted by Gitai | October 27, 2006 1:41 PM

I agree that he's chiefly paranoid for health reasons. Homophobia isn't really that big of an element, though I'm sure the sheer gross out force has a lot to do with it, too. Having some strange dude's cum in your mouth is just gross, and it's not homophobic to think so.

~Resident Dyke Under 30
(So I'm still allowed to say "dude")

Posted by Pascal | October 27, 2006 2:29 PM

Am I the only one flashing on the whole Snowball bit in Clerks?

Some straight guys are so fucking weird. They're terrified to do a three-way with another guy and a girl, because if they happen to touch the other guy while they have a boner, they think that makes the recessive gay gene leap to the fore and next thing you know, they'll be parading down Main Street in a lime-green thong and glitter platforms.

This is why I don't have much to do with guys who aren't at least nominally bisexual. This constant obsession with fearing the touch of another man just makes me tired.

Posted by Geni | October 27, 2006 3:17 PM

Oh, and yes, I realize my previous post had nothing whatever to do with the guy's question. But I can't imagine the HIV virus - which is quite easily killed in the lab - surviving Listerine, that kills really horrendous and tough pathogens.

Then again, is the guy positive he tested negative in the first place?

I do think calling HER a slut is a bit lame, given the context. They're both sluts, and there's nothing wrong with sluts. They're some of my favorite people.

Posted by Geni | October 27, 2006 3:20 PM

Why don't you just answer his fucking question, instead of launching into a Phyllis Shlafley tirade? There's a big difference between intelligent discourse and intellectual masturbation. AFAIC, the Stranger never misses an opportunity to eschew the former for the sake of the latter.

Posted by Queequeg | October 27, 2006 3:50 PM

wait wait wait... We're calling this guy a slut because he made out with some chick in a bar? As in... kissed her on the mouth?

How many people have SERIOUSLY NEVER kissed someone they just met in a bar? I *know* Slog readers aren't no-kissing-till-the-third-date types... (in fact, I'm not convinced those types exist)

Now... blowing some guy and then going to make out with some other unknown guy. That's sluttiness on a whole 'nother scale. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by L | October 27, 2006 4:07 PM

98% homo panic, 2% health concern
if he's making out "a lot" with a girl he JUST met at a club, I doubt that concerns for health are at the top of his list. He is working towards the next step of sex WITH A WOMAN.
This is way too obvious.

Posted by matthew | October 27, 2006 5:00 PM

Jesus! Not wanting some stranger's cum swimming around your mouth doesn't make you a fucking homophobe. I don't like dogs licking all over my face so, what, I must secretly fear/hate them too?

Ugh, people. Ugh.

Posted by Paulus | October 27, 2006 5:03 PM

I mean, really, if a woman got grossed-out because she discovered some guy she just made out with had moments before just eaten the fuck out of some other girl's pussy, does that make her a dyke-hating homophobe.


Posted by Paulus | October 27, 2006 5:07 PM

I think the real source of his anxiety is the fact that this own predecessor got blown while all he got was a kissy face. Where's HIS blowjob, huh?

I'm also curious to know, which leaves more little swimmers in the mouth: spitting or swallowing? I'd guess the former. Unless this guy's tongue is two feet long.

Posted by Fnarf | October 27, 2006 5:10 PM

I'm gonna have to say that blowing a guy in a club is way sluttier then just making out. Not that there's anything wrong with being slutty.

Posted by Em from Philly | October 27, 2006 6:11 PM

Some guys always use the term slut to describe women so they can make themselves seem ok when they also are being promiscuous.
Gay men do it too so that they can feel superior and part of an elite group that are sexual without being "Sluts". I guess everyone does it.
But the word "slut" is not really being used to describe someone that has sex with lots of people it is being used to make the people using it feel superior.
In this case the guy feels insecure about the possibility of having touched another guys cum so he has to save face in some way so it is the woman's fault. If he had gone down on a woman earlier would he be a "slut". Well according to him probably not because he would not want to insult himself unless he is feeling like he is cool for doing it. The term it is so adolescent.

Posted by brian | October 27, 2006 6:40 PM

I'm with Geni on the bisexual guy part. Nothing irks me more than a guy who has a fear of man fluids. And what's up with guys who expect you to kiss them after they give you oral but won't kiss you after you take their load? Why is one more gross than the other.

And the dude's a smidge homophobic. He did all that listerine after.

The whole woman as a slut thing pisses me off as well. Brian has that one right.

Posted by Sha | October 27, 2006 9:11 PM

Dan Savage -- I just read your entry about the local "Puritans" who want to enforce the 4 foot rule, and then moments later I read you asking if this guy is a "slut" for making out with a stranger he just met? I don't get it. So I guess I'm a huge slut cause I've definitely made out with strangers before! And by the way, I'm gay but if I made out with some guy and found out he'd just given a BJ to some other guy, I'd be kind of grossed out too. I'd say I was just a little squeamish, but I guess maybe I'm a homophobe in addition to being a slut.

Posted by cite | October 28, 2006 4:26 AM

Answer the question Dan: What's the name of the slut's club!

Posted by Popoff | October 28, 2006 9:48 AM

Back in the day, it was "Delta Delta Delta".

Posted by rodrigo | October 28, 2006 5:42 PM

I say both boy and girl are utter twits. But she gets props for disclosing risky business in the first place. Unless it's some weird repetitive fetish of hers, cuz that would be just not cool.

Posted by qua? | October 29, 2006 2:59 AM

He was just pissed cause he wasn't the one who got the bj.

Posted by so | October 29, 2006 4:04 PM

I want to know how the guy found out the chick had blown the other guy. Did she tell him after they had been making out? Did the just blown guy walk up and say "Hey, that chick just took my spew in her mouth"? I mean, how did he find out? He sounds like a germaphobe more than anything else. This was a good letter Dan. My favorite still is one you had years ago from a guy who ate at an Indian restaurant with a date, went home with her, had incredible sex. The next morning while she was showering (at her place) the guy is in her bed and rips a fart. It was a wet fart and it left a saffron stain on the chick's sheets. The guy was so embarassed that he ran out of the place before the chick even got out of the shower. He wrote you because he really liked her, but didn't know how to face calling her after leaving that nice saffron smear on her sheets. Classic old Hey Faggot. Why can't you print more like that?

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