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Tuesday, October 3, 2006

Left-Wing Attack Dogs

posted by on October 3 at 14:15 PM

The left doesn’t have many attack dogs—no one like, oh, right-wing attack dog Matt Drudge, who accused those beastly teenagers of egging on poor Mark Foley. We don’t have a daily newspaper staffed by attack dogs like, oh, the Wall Street Journal, which today blamed the gays and a culture that “tolerates” open homosexuality for the actions of Florida’s most famous closet-case. We’ve got Air America—but for how long?—but we don’t have an attack-blabber anything like Rush Limbaugh, who today allowed Dennis Hastert to blame the folks who really run the House of Representatives—those all-powerful liberals!—for the cover-up of the Foley scandal.

What would a left-wing attack dog with the morals and mindset of a right-wing attack dog be out there screaming right now?

Dennis Hastert is a homo.

Hastert isn’t, of course. He’s a marred man, and I’ve heard no rumors about Hastert having any interest in teenage boys or grown men or Project Runway marathons. But there are two things we know about Hastert that make the smear possible—and if Foley and Haster were Democrats, would make the smear inevitable:

1. Hastert covered up for a closeted fellow Republican that was preying on teenage pages.

2. Dennis Hastert was a high school wrestling coach.

A high school wrestling coach? You know how they are. Or how they’re inclined to be. It’s a profession that attracts more than its fair share of sex predators. Why it’s even happened here. Because, really, why would any grown man want to spend so much time around sweaty teenage boys anyway? Showing them moves, helping them adjust their singlets, sending them off to the showers—it’s a boy-lovers dream job.

So you can bet your buttplugs that if this were a Democratic scandal Dennis Hastert’s career as a wrestling coach would be more than enough to convinct him of being a fellow-traveling, boy-crazy, danger-to-all-things-good-and-decent homosexual. Can’t you hear Limbaugh now? “If you’re wondering why Democratic House Speaker Denise Hastert didn’t launch and immediate investigation into that pervert Mark Foley (D-Key West), I think we can safely guess! Hastert, a former high school wrestling coach, was jealous! And maybe—and I’m just speculating here, my fellow Americans—maybe the Democrat House Speaker has a few teenage skelatons in that closet of his!”

Calling Hastert a homo—it’s straight out of Karl Rove’s playbook. And if the left were as scruple-free and homophobic as the right, the left-wing noise machine would be pinning pink triangles all over Hastert right now.

RSS icon Comments

1

Let's give credit where it's due:

The only reason these right wing attacks work is because most Americans accept them.

Posted by Andrew | October 3, 2006 2:37 PM
2

What? No--no one accepts them, because no one listens to them. There's this elite group of people, maybe 10% of the country, with nothing better to do than worry about what this right-winger said about that left-winger, or whatever. Most people are too busy, you know, living, to give a shit about why Mark Foley likes young boys.

Posted by Seth | October 3, 2006 2:49 PM
3

Mike Malloy, formerly of Air America, would be my choice of 'Left-Wing Attack Dog'. He could really go off on the 'Bush Crime Family'. Unfortunately, he was inexplicably fired by Air America over a month ago. Randi Rhodes is pretty good, too and has facts to back up her rants. Unfortunately, the Seattle affliate chooses to play her at 8pm! Who listens then?? I say put her on drive-time.

Liberal friends have told me that they do not like Malloy or Rhodes because they are 'over the top' and a basically a lefty version of Rush.

Posted by Impossible Prince | October 3, 2006 2:53 PM
4

So is that the point? Throw decency and rational discourse out the window so we can smear our opponents and win elections? If liberals are willing to stoop to the level of the far Right, why?

The only way to show the country who's really got values is by having those values and refusing to compromise them for short-term gain. Take the high road, even if you lose every damn election from now on.

Posted by david | October 3, 2006 3:01 PM
5

Aaah! They all *want* me! I can see it in their eyes!

Back, I say! Back!

Posted by Napoleon XIV | October 3, 2006 3:24 PM
6

>Dennis Hastert is a homo.
>Hastert isn’t, of course. He’s a marred man...


BEST.TYPO.EVAR.

Posted by typo police | October 3, 2006 3:28 PM
7

Seth and David,

This recent essay summed up the state of the American public.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I present writer Mark Ames via Alternet:

"Nothing could gall a nation of Bible-thumping, pious militarists more than this awful picture of opposing trajectories, America's pointing downward…
But what the hell am I saying, expecting Americans to have learned a lesson from their recent disasters and failures?
There's an antidote to learning lessons from harsh reality. Complete mass insane stupidity, combined with utter shamelessness.
In a poll released earlier this week, Bush's approval rating has soared -- soared! -- to 44%, the highest in ages. Even more shocking, Americans no longer believe that the war in Iraq was a mistake... when I read that poll this past Monday, I exploded in laughter. The absolute, pure gullibility of the American public is without limit, bottomless... Everyone was asking last week "Why do they hate us?" all over again.
The Republicans have thoroughly raped America... but the suckers are squealing for more! The denial has reached new, hemorrhage-fever dimensions... even in the world of fiction, you couldn't possibly invent a nation of such grotesque, abject suckers if you tried. For one thing, it wouldn't sell. No one would buy it. If the American public were characters in a novel, no editor would let them pass without massive reworking: "Your American public (is) simply not believable."

Posted by Andrew | October 3, 2006 3:42 PM
8

It's all about the falling gas prices - and how long OPEC can wait before they jack them up - which is ... um ... November 8th.

You heard it here first. Or was that Frist?

The more they are on the defensive, the less they do well. The fewer big lies they get away with.

Posted by Will in Seattle | October 3, 2006 3:52 PM
9

>Dennis Hastert is a homo.
>Hastert isn’t, of course. He’s a marred man..

Hastert was a high school wrestling coach in his past life. Sit tight, let's see what comes out of the woodwork.

O.

Posted by Orson | October 3, 2006 4:05 PM
10

I agree with Orson. There is more to this story than meets the eye. What exactly motivates some of the biggest homophobes in this country to turn a blind eye to exactly the type behavior from which they want to protect the country with a Constitutional Amendment? These are smart men--they had to know this was going to come out eventually, especially with all the conjecture in the past about Foley's orientation. By some accounts, this has been brewing since 2001, when the pages were warned the first time about Foley. What else are they hiding on this issue? Was it just Foley, or were others involved in molesting and harrassing male and/or female pages?

Posted by SB | October 3, 2006 4:19 PM
11

Why the censorship on Slog?


I've noticed some comments erased that were here this morning. Who is making the censorship decisions and what are you trying to prevent Slog readers from reading? Just curious.

Posted by Censorship on Slog? | October 3, 2006 4:54 PM
12

Thanks to everyone at The Stranger for finally practicing some censorship on The Slog. Some voices should not be allowed in public discourse. Using your editorial control to erase and marginalize some people is necessary. After all The Stranger is a commercial newspaper. Also the internet has to be monitored, I really think only people with money and education should be allowed to participate in internet dilectics.

Posted by Censorship is good | October 3, 2006 6:19 PM
13

In Sweden adults can legally have sex with fifteen year olds! It's disgusting. At least in America we protect our innocent children. Imagine if we were Swedish, this whole Foley thing would be a non-issue even if he'd had sex with the seventeen year old. It's shocking to me how perverted Europeans are. In America we have morals and standards.

Posted by Sweden is disgusting | October 3, 2006 7:16 PM
14

Don Rumsfeld was a wrestler in college. Coincidence?

Posted by keshmeshi | October 3, 2006 7:19 PM
15

"I really think only people with money and education should be allowed to participate in internet dilectics (sic)"

Thanks for proving your own point, dumbass.

Posted by Censor Them All - Let God Sort Them Out | October 3, 2006 10:05 PM
16

Can we put an embargo on making points based on "This is what the Republicans would do if the tables were turned"?

Comparing this situation to a reality that doesn't exist is pointless.
Who knows what Rove would do if a Democrat Speaker covered up for a boy-diddling teenophile? Who cares?

Posted by Rottin' in Denmark | October 4, 2006 12:45 AM
17

I delivered GRIT newspaper in Nebraska when I was young. These kind of stories were a weekly feature on our page three. Hard lessons taught behind out buildings with the smell of manure strong in the air and the sound of cracked corn under your boots.

Posted by purple panted paul | October 4, 2006 12:30 PM

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