Life Finally, we smoke out the Truth.
posted by on October 2 at 16:08 PM
This weekend I was loitering, contemplating whether or not to waste my youth through substance abuse, when I found this helpful pamphlet.
I was immediately drawn in by its Goosebumps-esque cover.
“Drug culture has been in America since the middle of the last century,” the introduction explains. The pamphlet goes on to profile illicit substances your kids might be doing in the alley, at school or even in their own rooms. On the marijuana page, there’s a list of actual street names for marijuana, some of which are just ridiculous:
blunt, grass, herb, sinsemilla, smoke, pot, reefer, weed, mary jane, skunk, boom, gangster, kiff, chronic, ganja, super skunk, purple haze, dope, nederweed
Shouldn’t “gangster” be reserved for some harder drug? Maybe something involving rum-running and zoot suits? When was the last time you saw someone smoking boom in a zoot suit?
Anyway, at least seven of those names seemed fabricated to me, though I thought maybe I just don’t roll with the right crowd and should seek some expert testimony. Those bolded “street names” are ones that both Dominic Holden, Seattle’s premier pot-legalization activist, and David Schmader, Seattle’s premier pothead, have never heard (though Holden also mentioned some they missed, namely hobbit leaf, hippie lettuce and “wacky tobacky”).
So who wrote this thing? Since they obviously didn’t consult the druggies themselves, I imagined a conference room full of middle-aged men, hashing out ideas of what they think those Young People are talking about in The Street.
It’s far, far worse than I imagined. Check out the back of the pamphlet:
Wait, you mean they expect people to watch Battlefield Earth sober? Now that would indeed be a tragic waste.
I like that they list skunk, and super skunk.
They also forgot everyone's favorite (variety): BC.
God love those cannucks (sp?)...
flamingbanjo: of drugs or time?
Yes kids, say no to Drugs and you will become a SCIENTOLOGIST!
This is the message we need to get out to today's youth: Hit that bong or surrender your brain: the choice is yours.
Wait. The Scientologists can cure Mark Foley of his alcohol-induced pedophilia, AND say no to drugs too? Whoah!
How do they explain all their followers then? I mean, they ACT like they ARE on drugs ...
Holy Toledo, "sinsemilla"? That sounds like the stage name of the lounge singer doll who squealed to the coppers and double-crossed her grifter pals.
I like 'sensemilla' -- it kind of rolls off the tongue nicely, doesn't it? You could have two girls, lovely twins, named Sinsemilla and Gonorrhea.
And of course life would be horrible for them but they'd have very mellifluous names!
Apparently "Nederweed" is high-potency pot grown in the Netherlands. I can't imagine too many Americans have any.
I suggest an organized campaign to create a whole new fleet of names -- "prong", "jubilady", "mister snacker", "chopper pie", etc. That ought to confuse the Scientologists. Or better yet, start calling it "Tom Cruise".
I like that they capitalized "Ecstacy". Apparently, that's a brand name...
Seriously, you can't help but wonder if anti-pot crusaders are, in fact, paid to sit around and come up with far-fetched marijuana code words. That's the only reasonable explanation for the creative and exhaustive vault of terms I found at http://parentingteens.about.com/cs/marijuana/l/bldicmarijuana.htm - a well-meaning resource that gives parents tips to crack their kids' nefarious cannabis codes. The Web page is chock full of slang terms I've never heard of, and joint adulterations that either seem fictional or obscure.
For example, a "fry sweet" is allegedly a marijuana-laced cigar dipped in embalming fluid laced with PCP. I assume that if someone went through with the elaborate process (gutting the cigar, filling it with pot, lacing the embalming fluid with angel dust and dipping the smokeable sausage into the mixture), the pot would be nothing more than a sponge to soak up some seriously nasty shit. Frankly, I don't even think someone could feel the effects of marijuana when smoked with embalming fluid and PCP. And if they could, pot is the least of mom and pop's worries because the most dangerous parts of a "fry sweet" isn't the pot - it's the PCP and formaldehyde.
Adding to my suspicion that such psychoactive amalgams and their names might be from the land of make-believe is this little number: the candy blunt. It's a marijuana laced cigar dipped in codeine cough syrup. That's right. Dipped in cough syrup, and then presumably smoked, if that's even possible.
Look, if I had kids, I'd throw my body down to stop them from sucking on a "fry sweet" or a "sugar blunt" just like the well-intentioned folks from the anti-drug Web sites want parents to do. Fortunately for the folks, if this isn't total bull, it's more rare than steak tartar.
My advice: talk to your kids, stick to the facts, and keep formaldehyde out of the home.
"“Drug culture has been in America since the middle of the last century,” the introduction explains."
Well, yeah... Actually drugs have been in North America for thousands of years.
Only they had more important things to do back then. Like, throw people into volcanoes, according to this history book I've got. Do ya think?
Anyway, some people confuse use with abuse. Of course, sometimes they're so busy using and abusing they don't notice the difference.
Sinsemilla was a pretty common term where I grew up in NYC, though the dealers often shortened it to just "sense" when they made their rambling, whispered sales pitch as they passed in the park.
Ivan,
It was a pretty common term here in the PNW - about 20 years ago. Sounds more like the "roomful of middle-aged men" the Scientologists polled were really a bunch of burnt-out 40 year-old NA'ers, because about two-thirds of these euphemisms went out of fashion at least a decade ago. Heck, I'm surprised "Mexican Dirt Weed", "Columbian Primo", "Kona Gold" & "Thai Stick" didn't make the cut.
And they completely missed "bud", "SGB", "lawn clippings", "Okanagan Emerald", "Goo", and "Ongo Bongo"; terms anybody today would recognize.
Ah, "Thai Stick". You left out "Acapulco Gold", "Panama Red", and "Maui Waui". And not even a mention of "4:20" or "the kind bud"?
By the best anti-drug religious track came from hemp fest a while back and was put out by the tragic Jews for Jesus. IT went something like
Did Jesus get stoned. No. He was crucified . Jesus got nailed so that the rest of us stoner's wouldn't get baked.
The pun level was almost overwhelming. God what I would not give for one of those tracks.
They're not too far off with "fry sweet". "fry" or "dips" or "sherm" are what are being passed around as the real slang terms for dribbling a little PCP diluted in alcohol onto a cigarette or a joint. The embalming fluid is one of those things that probably never happened until a cop or anti-drug warrior heard about the practice, as it seems that 'embalming fluid' was a street term for PCP somewhere at sometime. Now that it's being passed around that you can get high by smoking embalming fluid, some dumb motherfucker has tried it and told their friends about it.
It happens, but not nearly as often as this thing wants us to believe. Kinda like huffing paint, no one was really doing it until someone wrote a story about how bad it is.
Ternanator:
If you've got any geological evidence that there were volcanoes in north america erupting continuously* at any point after 15,000 years ago (an overly generous estimate for the arrival of the first humans in the Americas), I'd like to see it. I'd also like to see any archeological evidence you've got for pre-historic north american cultures practicing volcano sacrifice, but let's start with the geology, shall we?
My point being, of course, that you shouldn't try to counter ignorant historical assertions with equally ignorant bullshit.
* Start your little vulcanology research project with "shield volcano" vs. "cinder cone."
Crap, make me use this quote twice today...
"It's a cross between Kentucky Bluegrass and California Sensimilla. The beauty is you can go play 18 holes on it, then come back and get stoned to the Bejesus Belt."
I guess my group is the only one that salls it "Scooby" unless I am ordering it, then I refer to it as "Milk" as in, "Can you pick me up a quart of Milk?"
and what happened to all the quantity-based terms, like "lid", "bag", "brick", and "kilo"? Has Toklas - for Alice B. - fallen completely out of fashion too?
codeine
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