Sex Booze and Boys
posted by October 26 at 17:00 PMon
Hmm… gay porn. Now all I need is a drink…
So there I was, sitting in—well, let’s just say I was sitting in a bar, one of Seattle’s better drinking establishments. I don’t want to say which bar for fear of bringing the wrath of the Washington State Liquor Control Board down on the bar’s owner. The bar, which may or may not be near my office, offers wireless Interent access to patrons. So after my drinking buddies abandoned me yesterday, I got out my laptop and checked my email.
A friend in Chicago emailed me a link to something he thought I might enjoy—a porn preview, some new porn company called “Euroboy.â€ť I clicked through because, well, I’m like that. And, hey, the bar was empty, so it wasn’t like any one was going to be forced to watch the clip. So I sat there, drinking and watching hard-core porn. In a bar. (If you want to see what I was watching, click here. Do I even need to mention that it’s NSFW? Unless, of course, you work at The Stranger.)
It wasn’t until a minute or two into the clip that I realized I was, like, totally watching porn—in a bar. In Washington State.
If there are two thing our Liquor Control Board doesn’t think should mix, it’s sex and booze. I’ll never forget when I first moved to Seattle and went to Re-bar for a beer—they only served beer and wine then, because the Liquor Control Board wouldn’t let taverns serve hard alcohol—and saw a shirtless bartender with two little pieces of black electrician’s tape over each of his nipples. They made two small and very alluring X’s on his chest. This was done to 1. protect me from the sight of his nipples and 2. prevent the bar from losing its liquor license. Because the Liquor Control Board didn’t want people drinking and thinking about sex at the same time. (Those little black X’s on Tom of Wyoming’s chest? Shit, they made it hard to think of anything else.)
Surely the same Liquor Control Board that keeps men’s nipples covered up, the same Liquor Control Board that prevents us from enjoying a drink while we watch a stripper do her job (which people are allowed to do in Portland and Vancouver, BC), the same Liquor control board that until a few years ago was still raiding the odd gay bar—that Liquor Control Board doesn’t want people viewing hard core porn in bars.
But I don’t know how they can stop it. People with laptops and airport cards are the new smokers—we’ll sit in a bars for hours, nursing our drinks and surfing the web. Which is why more and more bars are putting in WiFi. They know we’re addicts too, but at least our addiction doesn’t pollute the air and take years off the lives of their cocktail waitresses.
And empowered with our own laptops and a bar’s wireless Internet access, we can, if we so choose, and if the folks around us don’t mind, mix all the booze and sex we want, at least until we fall off our barstools. For me yesterday, it was a little hard-core gay twink porn and Maker’s Mark, neat. And I only watched that one clip, I swear.
Short of banning bars from having WiFi or making me cover my computer screen with black electrician’s tape, I don’t know what the Liquor Control Board can do about people watching porn in bars. So let’s here it for WiFi, huh? It’s finally brought booze and sex together, where they’ve always belonged.