Who needs ghouls and horror and sexy, sexy [insert plural noun here] when you’ve got the motherfucking bone crusher?

From the International Herald Tribune

Europe’s immense bearded vulture, sometimes called the [motherfucking] “bone crusher,” boasts a wingspan of nearly 10 feet, plucks meals from avalanche debris, and breeds its chicks in the subzero temperatures of the wintertime Alps. Its gastric juices register a “1” on the pH scale, nearly pure acid. Seething belly bile is a necessity for a creature that subsists mainly on weather-bleached bones.

They were close to extinct, they’re coming back, and they’re badder than you.

From the wikipedia article on the motherfucking bone crusher (aka the “Lammergeier,” or “lamb-vulture”):

Like other vultures it is a scavenger, feeding mostly from carcasses of dead animals. It usually disdains the rotting meat however and lives on a diet that is 90% bone. It will drop large bones from a height to crack them to get smaller pieces. Its old name of Ossifrage (or [the motherfucking] Bone Crusher) relates to this habit. Live tortoises are also dropped in similar fashion to crack them open… According to legend, the Greek playwright Aeschylus was killed when a tortoise was dropped on his bald head by a Lammergeier which mistook it for a stone.

They’ve got acid for body fluids, they eat pure bone, and they kill playwrights for sport.

Theater is doomed.

All hail the motherfucking bone crusher!