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Monday, October 23, 2006

A thief among geniuses

posted by on October 23 at 12:07 PM

Jonathan Raban’s Genius Award speech was my favorite in recent history. I think he’s fantastic— something I didn’t get to tell him at the party because I was preoccupied with drinking and misplacing things (and Brendan, even if you don’t recall, your intro for Jennifer Zeyl was tops).

Sadly, the festivities were overshadowed by my purse getting stolen. It was later recovered minus my camera, bus pass, and cell phone battery. (Cell phone battery? How thorough. And lame.)

So, you know, if anyone feels like returning one or all of these items to me, drop them by The Stranger and I will bake you a pile of desserts as my way of saying thanks—no questions asked.

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Man, Cienna, you've had some bad luck w/r/t possessions being stolen.

Posted by Gomez | October 23, 2006 12:22 PM

Not sure if you remember me, but I’m the event staffer who helped you find your purse. I was the tall guy with a walkie-talkie, paunchy mid-section, sculpted beard, and glasses thick enough to fit in the sports protection category. I just wanted to say thanks for the big, wet one that you laid on me when I gave you the good news/receptacle. It’s always nice when you don’t have to pay.

Oh, and cheers for not freaking out when I touched your boob. I almost didn’t go for it, but I figured you for a floozer who wouldn’t mind.

It’s always shitty when bad things happen to generous people. Hope you get everything back!

Posted by Batman would kick Superman's ass | October 23, 2006 12:54 PM

Whatever. It's all replaceable (whereas the purse was not, so I'm thankful it was recovered), just very irksome.

I mean, who the fuck attends a party to steal young women's cell phone batteries and bus passes? Are people that hard up?

Posted by cienna | October 23, 2006 12:56 PM

Uh, if I were investigating this, I'd assume that Mr. Helfpul Staffer/Boob Grabber is the culprit. How convenient that he found the purse for you, got a big wet kiss and copped a feel.

Not to be cynical or anything.

Posted by bill | October 23, 2006 1:19 PM

There can be nothing bad said about the boob-grabbing bouncer. To confirm the whereabouts of Cienna's purse, he had to use his walkie-talkie to call the lost and found—it wasn't just some immediate reveal from his back pocket.

As for the boob-grabbing, Cienna was totally asking for it. One minute I see her walking over the ask the bouncer about the possibility of a lost-and-found, the next I see her straddling him with joy and smothering him with smooches. Really, if anyone should be considering pressing charges, it's Mr. Friendly Bouncer....

Posted by David Schmader | October 23, 2006 2:06 PM

True enough. That 7-foot security guard was my hero. In fact, he came to the rescue while my boyfriend stood aside and failed me.

Do you hear me Preston? FAILED ME. Failed me so hard I was forced to vomit on myself. The disappointment was staggering.

I am dumping you AND your thousand-and-one cats unless you find me a motherfucking bus pass, STAT.

Posted by cienna | October 23, 2006 2:47 PM

Did you just say you vomited on YOURSELF? *ahem*

Posted by craig | October 23, 2006 3:48 PM

I just learned far more about cienna madrid than I wanted to.

Posted by Gomez | October 23, 2006 3:57 PM

Thanks again for not puking in the car, by the way. I was expecting to have to hit the back seat with a little windex or febreeze or something, but, no. You're the ninja of puke.

Posted by Horace | October 23, 2006 7:47 PM

You people crack me up.

Posted by L | October 23, 2006 7:57 PM
Posted by tester | October 30, 2006 9:29 AM

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