It’s cocaine for kids, in guzzling form!

Via The Daily Mail:

The high-energy drink is being billed as a “legal alternative” to the class A drug, using a massive hit of caffeine instead of cocaine.

Cocaine is “350 percent stronger than Red Bull” but that people do not experience the “sugar crash” or jitters that [the drink’s inventor, Jamie Kirby] says some of the other energy drinks can produce.

The company has received inquiries about selling Cocaine in Britain and throughout Europe. At the moment it is being sold only in the Los Angeles and New York metropolitan areas - mainly to teenagers.

Plus, unlike snorting real cocaine, which is tacky and graceless, you can funnel Cocaine directly into your tear ducts to stay awake. Grand Theft Auto IV: San Andreas has never before felt so real…

Kirby says, “…it’s a fun name. As soon as people look at the can, they smile.” But critics slammed the technique as a cynical ploy which could tempt young people into using drugs.

It doesn’t tempt young people to use drugs so much as teach teens that drugs can be stimulating and fun. America’s youth needs more teachers like Cocaine and perhaps Tiny Tinkerbell’s My First Douching and Whimsical Pussy-Hair Sculpting Kit.

Cheers to good grooming and efficiency!