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Friday, September 29, 2006

When Squirrels Attack

posted by on September 29 at 15:18 PM

My childhood home was located just three blocks from the Woodland Park Zoo. Because of this, I grew up fearing our neighborhood squirrels, which were more aggressive—due to familiarity with humans, or maybe from simply being harassed all the time—than squirrels in other neighborhoods.

One afternoon, around the time St. Helens erupted, I remember hearing my father yelling from the backyard. When I ran to the window to investigate, I found him swinging a rake frantically while half a dozen squirrels swarmed around him. They growled and nipped at him, some even leaping into the air and snapping dangerously close to his face. And long after my father had been forced to retreat indoors, the squirrels remained in this state of batshitcraziness, their clucking and menacing chirps taunting us through the windows. My father was shaken, but my mother couldn’t stop cackling.

To this day I eyeball every approaching squirrel with suspicion. So I feel your pain good residents of Mountain View, California.

RSS icon Comments

1

Riot sqrrrls.

Posted by Sben | September 29, 2006 3:48 PM
2

BB gun and hunting pellets. Always worked for our yard.

Posted by Papson L. Jones | September 29, 2006 4:02 PM
3

Neoconservative squirrels! Little fuckers.

Posted by Orson | September 29, 2006 4:19 PM
4

Sben totally wins.

and i got attacked by a tiny baby squirrel last month! it jumped at me out of nowhere! the horror!

Posted by josh b | September 29, 2006 4:35 PM
5

Damn terrorist squirrels and their evildoer ways.

Posted by kim | September 29, 2006 4:35 PM
6

I once lived in a third-story Queen Anne apartment that backed up on a small greenbelt. A similar batshit crazy squirrel got into my apartment through a sliding glass door that I'd left ajar. It waited behind the TV until I got home, when it attacked me. No kidding. I had to battle it with a golf club and (eventually) chase it back outside. Even after I closed the doors and windows it proceeded to hurl itself angrily against the glass. That thing wanted to kick my ass. True story.

Posted by extraction | September 29, 2006 5:00 PM
7

I was attacked on UW campus a long time ago while I walked along eating a muffin. It ran up my leg but I just dropped the muffin and ran!

Posted by When Squirrels Attack | September 29, 2006 5:06 PM
8

When I was a student at the UW far too many years ago to mention, I had an encounter with an aggressive squirrel. While I was walking down a paved path in the trees near Denny Hall, a squirrel ran toward me along the middle of the path ahead. I stopped to judge its intentions, and the bastard ran straight up my right leg and down my back as I screeched like a little girl.

Squirrels are fuzzy and cute, but do not be deceived. They are malign vermin from the deepest pits of hell.

Posted by Cascadian | September 29, 2006 5:07 PM
9

What is it with squirrels and muffins?

The Stranger should send Brendan Kiley down to Mountain View. His shooting at, and missing, the squirrels might put the fear of God into them.

Posted by keshmeshi | September 29, 2006 5:47 PM
10

I was sitting on the grass studying at UW one time, and I had some gummy candies sitting next to me in an open bag. Somehow I wasn't very surprised when I saw a squirel run up and snatch some of the candy. They're little bastards at UW. Real bastards.

Posted by Willis | September 29, 2006 6:27 PM
11

had a baby squirrel jump right onto my head in my own front yard. i screamed like a little girl as it scampered off and, i'm sure, joined its punk-ass friends in the tree, clicking their asses off at the way i nearly peed myself.

fuckers.

Posted by i <3 squirrels, but they scare me | September 29, 2006 11:06 PM
12

I've heard them described as rats with good PR.

Posted by Rielle | September 29, 2006 11:43 PM
13

You have far more to fear from the rats with the most subtle, slimy, stealthy and slick PR today:

pigeons

* they are rats with wings

* they are very intelligent.. on par with crows and parrots. They're originally called "rock doves", but have prospered because they are far more intelligent than o.g. doves, you know, the ones that are signs of peace and all that (despite seeing doves attack each other during mating season.)

* if anything is going to be a vector for a major pandemic, it will be dried pigeon shit

Fight the real enemy.

Posted by Matthew Fisher Wilder | September 30, 2006 12:51 PM
14

I'm surprised nobody thought of:

"Squirrils Gone Wild"

Clearly these "barely legal Squirrils" (sic) were under the influence of many, many tequila shots...

Posted by COMTE | October 1, 2006 10:33 AM
15


Welcome to year of the squirrel (TM(K))
The raccoons have passed the torch for now...
Some of you may remember year of the elephant, wait in fear until year of the dolphin!

Posted by K X One | October 2, 2006 3:18 AM
16

Maybe if your colleague stopped trying to eat us we wouldn't feel the need to defend ourselves.


That's right Brendan...you're on notice you big sissy prick!

Posted by Squirrel Liberation Front | October 2, 2006 9:14 AM

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