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Monday, September 11, 2006

Re: Things I Learned Through HUMP

Posted by on September 11 at 11:44 AM

If I worked for a sex advice columnist, I might ask, on behalf of several confused/traumatized gay men who attended HUMP with me:

What the heck is female ejaculation anyway?

In particular, the homos I went to HUMP with (one of whom literally hid inside his hoodie during the “Pirate Damsel” scenes), were wondering afterward:

Is it pee?

What hole does it come out of?

Can all women do it?

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How about a brief synopsis for those of us that don't want to click on something that may not be SFW...

Even some straight men and women don't know what it is...

I don't mean to be a naysayer, but I'd like to see something a little more clinical about this than the Babeland site. Mike in Mo: in short, it's liquid that pools in the G-spot (!), is not pee, but discharges from the urethra during sex. Something isn't connecting here biologically/physiologically for me. In all my experiences with women, I have never seen anything squirt out like in these films, although I remember on a number of occasions soaking the sheets. That was, as far as I know, natural lubrication from the vagina during vigorous, multi-orgasmic sex.

And for Fnarf: True, my days of playing straight are over, but there is no kvetching here--just morbid curiosity.

Dan covered this in the Stranger a couple years ago. Don't you guys read your own paper?

I heard from lots of straight guys that were squicked out by the massive, massive boy dick on display in Lawnboy, Fnarf.

"Squicked out?" Does that mean grossed out or something? Being 1600 miles away I couldn't attend but I guarantee seeing the Lawnboy dick would have been most fascinating for me.

Oh, and what Fnarf said. Get over your vagina freakout, gays.

Um, I'm a chick and I had a bit of a vagina freakout at Hump!. They were rather, uh, large and aggressive looking.
Matt, if you had seen the "hanging goobers" that dripped like slobber from one sated vagina, or watched in horror as another swallowed Jimi Hendrix's hand on Broadway, you might be a little perturbed as well.

As a lesbian who went with 4 gay boys to Hump, all I got asked on the way home was "Can you do that?". I can't, so they continued to ask me how on earth that happens. I didn't know, but it was so funny to watch them be actually interested in the vagina. I think that's the most any of them have thought about it in their entire lives. Good job Fucking Seattle!

One "swallowed Jimi Hendrix's hand?" I better find a way to show up next year! (No, that doesn't sound the least bit arousing but my senses need that kind of bending every once in a while.)

I have to post a bit more. Large aggressive vaginas conjure up an image of battallions of them marching into war. That would scare the shit out of the Taliban and al Qaida.

The post from the user calling himself "Fnarf" above is not me, it's an imposter (though I share the sentiment).

Actually, Matt in Denver, launching Helen Thomas head-first on an ICBM would terminally terrorize the terrorists. No vaginas need apply.

From all I've read over the years, the female ejaculations you see on porn is really just pee, and women get their long-distance squirting power from drinking tons of water and building their bladder up for the eruption before the sex scene.


Speaking of HUMP and Female ejaculation:

My friend went to the HUMP awards thing at Havana and got one of those little free vibrators that were being given away as gifts from the Stranger and Babes in Toyland... She told me yesterday that she used it and it made her actually ejaculate...



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