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Saturday, September 9, 2006

HUMP 2 Storms Seattle!

Posted by on September 9 at 12:19 PM


Northwest Film Forum was packed last night with porn fans and porn stars—and a good time was had by all. I’m too busy tearing tickets and policing the screenings (no cell phone cameras allowed) to write a full report. But the PI’s Vanessa Ho wrote up HUMP’s opening night in this morning’s paper.

It may seem strange that in a city where you can’t get a lap dance, can’t smoke in a bar and can’t buy high-octane beer downtown (as of Nov. 1), you can watch a whole bunch of amateur porn and not feel like a total pervert….

This year, films include gay, straight, funny and group sex; copulation between a salt shaker and a napkin; beautiful, artsy sensuality; and raunchy, stop-motion sex between two dolls.
Some people say the popularity of the festival, which ends tonight, is a liberation of sexual taboos and a dig at what some people view as an increasingly dour City Hall.

Others say Hump! is an ideal blend of Seattle’s love of film, do-it-yourself leanings and a Northwest sexiness borne of rainy winters and rugged summers.

“There’s the long, dark winters in Seattle that lend themselves to sex,” said Rachel Venning, co-founder of Seattle-based Babeland, a chain of sex-toy stores. “It’s the perfect event for Seattle. It’s no wonder it’s so successful.” …

“It’s a window in the collective erotic imagination of the city,” [Stranger editor Dan Savage] said. “Even if every film isn’t to your taste, it’s interesting to have that window into your fellow citizen’s inner life.”

My HUMP highlight so far: Getting to shake the hand of the man—or the hot gay boy, I should say—whose performance in “Lawnboy,” an audience favorite, inspired Bradley Steinbacher to write this HUMP capsule review:

Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Super giant cock. Really. Super. Giant. Cock.


UPDATE: From the Comments…

Oh, and I’ll ask again here (‘cause, who reads the forums anymore?): why no dyke films in competition? Not complaining, since I assume there’s a reason… just wondering what the reason is. No films? Bad films?

A very interesting question, Violet DaGrinder. Last year HUMP had no gay films and tons of lesbian action. Who can forget the piss-and-play-piercing action in “Grinding Gears”? Or the expert sword play in “Pirate vs. Ninja”? There were lots of gay men at HUMP last year, but almost no gay action on the screen. Gay men complained about, we called them on their bullshit (don’t bitch about there not being any gay films, guys, if you’re not prepared to make one!), and we got a good selection of gay films for HUMP 2.

We were shocked—shocked and saddened—when we finished watching this year’s submissions and realized there was no lesbian action. What happened? We dunno. There was one “lesbish” submission: “The Passion of Idaho.” This film feature no actual lesbians, or lesbian action, just a few lesbian-identified potatoes rolling around. The jury felt that the lesbian potato film didn’t make the grade—and, really, lesbians have enough body-image issues without seeing themselves played by potatoes at HUMP.

UPDATE 2: Sex writer, educator, and blogger Violet Blue is in town for HUMP and she’s digging Seattle.

HUMP! is a great example of what I’m feeling right now about how Seattle is pushing ever forward with sex culture in America. Something as wildly popular as HUMP! takes porn out of the hands of small-minded southern California businesses and shows that “porn by the people, for the people” is viable, valid, thriving, healthy and fun. This film fest started small last year but exploded in its second round, with fourteen sold out shows starting tonight and hundreds of entries my friends at The Stranger told me are of incredibly high quality. [Actually, it’s “dozens,” not “hundreds”—but, yes, the quality is high!] Believe me—read the film reviews of the homemade hardcore films I’ll be seeing tonight (and know it’s a boiled-down sampling of the over 3 hours of under 8-minute films that were submitted for the fest). People did this!

So Seattle—thank you.

Thank you, Violet Blue!

UPDATE 3: Q13 Fox News was here earlier today. If you missed HUMP but wanna see what the action was like and hear some reactions from HUMP goers, check out Q13 tonight at 10.

UPDATE 4: Holy shit. Hundreds of folks lining up on 12th Steet, people clamoring to get rush seats, guys outside stapling dollar bills to their chests, lots of foggy looking people with the munchies getting popcorn. Sorting and counting ballots after the screening. And doing it again and again and again—six screenings Friday, eight screenings Saturday. We are fucking fried. If I never see another porn again—particularly one featuring female ejaculation and/or come running out of someone’s vagina—it will be too soon.

But check with again tomorrow and I’ll probably be back to my old self. Right now, though, I’m ready to hand out some prizes and hit the sack.

Oh, one last observation: There were so many completely fucking hot people in the audiences—folks who, you know, really should have been up on the screen. I’m not saying that average folks shouldn’t be up on the screen too—I like the mix at HUMP. Young folks, old folks, buff folks, softer folks. Still, it was hard not to wish some of the folks walking in had made films. There were just so many guys—and a few gals—coming through the doors that I wanted to see naked.

And hopefully now that we’ve done this twice, and folks have seen that it’s fun and safe and we do our damndest to protect folks who participate (I even make a speech asking people to be nice—me!—telling the crowds no booing, no mean-spirited cracks), more of the people who come to HUMP will feel like they can participate next year and put themselves up on the screen. (I tell people no mean-spirited cracks because they could be sitting next to the folks whose images are up there on the screen.)

And, yes, I mean you in the second row.

Okay, HUMP 3! is one year from today. Get busy folks.

UPDATE 5: Okay, it’s all over. At the end of the last show we destroyed our only copies of this year’s HUMP entries—our tapes and our backups—in front of the final sell-out crowd. So if you missed “Lawnboy,” “Come On Love,” “Getting a Leg Up in Porn,” “Condoments,” “Jacking Off,” “Cute Sweet Hot Sexy,” “Fairies on a Ferry,” and all the rest of this year’s HUMP films, well, you missed them. These films will never be seen again—unless the folks who made them elect to show them to you.


Okay, we’re counting the last batch of ballots, and then we’re off to Havana to hand out the prizes…

CommentsRSS icon

Yeah, it's a really amazing cock. I mean. . . yeah. Wow. Even my extremely homosexual girlfriend was impressed by that guy's cock. It's hard to overstate the largeness, and excellence, of that particular cock.

Oh, and I'll ask again here ('cause, who reads the forums anymore?): why no dyke films in competition? Not complaining, since I assume there's a reason. . . just wondering what the reason is. No films? Bad films?

I take issue with the use of the phrase "northwest sexiness."

Aside from the fact that it makes me think of lumberjacks fucking, my practical, hands-on experience suggests that Seattle is possibly the least sexy place on the planet.*

*For straight people, anyway.

That's why I moved to San Diego. Because, you know, we have all these people with the hot Black and Latino blood. According to the Governator. ;-)

Was a bit disappointed, way too much bad naked. Some folks should curb their sexual liberation until they go to the gym once in a while.
Sometimes clothes are better left on.

when is the dvd going to be released?

I hate to be curmudgeonly over the generosity of all the participants to share these films with us, but I felt this year's selections were not as entertaining as those of last year. Humor goes a long way in porn films in this kind of art house setting, and too many took themselves way too seriously. And while I don't mind seeing untoned bodies in these films, creativity was lacking in quite a few presentations. That said, Ignis Fatuus was great, Jacking Off and Gettin' a Leg Up on Porn were inspired and hilarious, and, yes, that cock was pretty impressive. And it was nice to see the owner of said cock out on the sidewalk after the show was over. Thanks, Stranger!

Just got back and it was great, even better quality films than last year. It was really tough picking one film because you had films that were really funny and films that were really well made and films that were hot and how to compare?

A woman behind us gasped loudly in Lawnboy when the giant cock was revealed, and sat with her mouth open most of the film.

Saw the 2 show today.

Some of the bodies were average (some, uh, below), but come on... the woman in Getting a Leg Up in Porn? Hot, hot, hot—so was the woman in Fucking Seattle, as were the two women in Fast and Hard (the men in that weren't bad either), the woman in Ninja Fluffers was hot (the guys, eh, not so much), and the man and the woman in Cute Sweet Hot Sexy were both cute, sweet, hot, and sexy. (If you're one of those dudes who fantasizes about girls with strap-ons, this is the film for you.) Oh, the woman in Booker Hoss Show? Hot, hot, hot. (Again the men? Eh, not so much.)

And Lawnboy? Two very hot dudes, if I do say so myself. (Sorry, Mrs. SKGee.) My favorite boy, though, has to be my man Bo Logan. Voted for him, hope he wins.

There were some bodies that need to see the gym before they see the business end of a camera again—but isn't that the nature of the amateur porn beast? But there was definately way more than $20 worth of hot flesh up on that screen.

Oh, and that was one massive cock on Lawnboy's bottom boy. Holy shit.

Hearing complaints about being exposed to less than perfect bodies reminds me a lot of fundies who complain when they're exposed to gay men/women holding hands/kissing.

Part of being an adult in a liberal society is not making a big deal when you're exposed to things that aren't your cup of tea. Just move on and don't feel the need to put people down just because it's not your thing.

Someone's into chubbies.

Hey dan-

If you guys were to do a Strangercrombie auction for the chance for a "civilian" to be one of the judges for what gets into Hump 3, I bet you'd make a lot of dirty, dirty money for NW harvest.

Also, speaking of Hump 3, how about booking NWFF for 4 days straight up so we don't have the sold out screening problem? I think Hump's a winner, and if you guys can sell out 4pm Friday screenings, you can book this thing for wednesday thru saturday next time so my friends who were too slow to get tickets can share the love.

Zero lesbian submissions, eh? How tragic!

I wouldn't mind stepping up and producing one for next year, but unfortunately, I'm seeing that my efforts would not be appreciated 'cause I don't have a porn-star body. Oh well. :)

just got back from the noon showing. it was great. we voted for bo logan but really had a real dilemna becaus there were many great ones. we didn't care for the wild west one, it looked to pro/pro-am. thanks so much Stranger for a great show.

No, Violet. It wouldn't be appreciated by a couple of guys. The lesbians loved last year's films—which featured all sorts of bodies. Please make a film!

I loved it
Fuck the nannies
Lumberjacks walking in a muddy patch of woods in long underwear
with boners are hot
Off to the gay rodeo in Monroe
very soon

It was FABULOUS and I enjoyed finally meeting you and others in the Stranger crew, Dan. I'll try and drop in on the afterparty to see who wins.

I like that funny is a huge element in qualifying HUMP! submissions, and really, that's what made the whole festival fun: the people who made these films didn't take it or themselves too seriously and clearly tried to have a good time with it.

Honestly, I felt there were 4-5 films that deserved to win, but Gettin' a Leg Up On Porn took the cake for me. Flawless imitative mix of old instructional video and porn, and yeah, that girl was cute and a perfect ham, so I voted for that. IMO, Bo Logan, Booker Hoss, Fast and Wild and Fucking Seattle are good enough to win too, but only one can be the WINNAH! If any of the others I mentioned won, I wouldn't be at all disappointed.

Oh yeah, and piling on: that was a serious Washington Monument size cock in Lawnboy. DAMN... that thing need its own observation deck.

re: 4 straight days... I think that doing showings on a weekday may lead to low attendance, as people may not be as likely to come out to see HUMP! on a work night.

Yeah, clearly the high demand is enough that you could fill up four days (I had several friends asking about coming with me, PUN INTENDED SQUIRTSQUIRT, but of course the shows were sold out)... but would Wednesday and Thursday showing get good enough attendance to make it work?

At last, Fnarf's fetish is unmasked.

Fnarf, we eagerly await your "Shit Sandwich in the Shadows" submission for next year's HUMP! 3: DIE, HUMP, DIE!

I am unabashadly pro-porn. Except for scat porn.

Fnarf, I trust that you won't mind if I beg off your premeire? I'm much to busy with my parties and clubwork anyway.....

So basically only attractive fit people should do porn and ugly fat or untoned people shouldn't? So much for being sex positive.

>Some of the bodies were average (some, uh, below)

Whatever, they were all cute and fucking hot in their own special way

re: less-than-attractive bodies... I expected and didn't have a problem with regular looking people doing porn (I do feel better about my average physical fitness after seeing these, though). I do think there were a couple of films where the performances were a bit dispassionate.

But even pointing that out is nitpicking. It was still great.

Remember that comments like those on peoples' bodies in this thread represent a self-selecting group; only the pissy minority feel compelled to comment. No compulsion for several hundred people to leave comments saying they are perfectly accepting of others. And "Someone's into chubbies" isn't quite accurate - lots of people are. Lots of people are into just about everything you can imagine.

Dan said: "check out Q13 tonight at 10."

No way in hell.

Can I just share the love for Cum Sail Away? It got the biggest groans and ewwwwws of the 6PM Friday showing (and much love to the Stranger staffer who let me in even though my name wasn't on the Will-Call list) but, hey, they looked like they were having fun. And actually having sex for the heck of it, which is more than you could say for most of the rest of the entries, where everyone seemed like they were fuckin' for the camera. So they're fat and middle aged. So they thought they needed to include entirely unneccessary pictures of their cat! So he was dressed as a knight with a hard on! I say, rock on, Clark and Cindy, let your freak flag fly.

I didn't get that people were bothered by the age/fatness of the Cum Sail Away folks as much as their preoccupation with semen and other bodily fluids.

FOX hasn't gotten to HUMP! yet - so far just a bunch of death and destruction. They did have a preview, though, which began with the phrase "Sex and the city", and mentioned folks getting "a glimpse into their neighbors' bedrooms". I think I've heard these things somewhere before.

Are the proceeds from Hump2 going to any worthy causes?

I think having "average" people in porn is hot, and I thought that even back when I had a "porn star" body (I was no lawnboy, but I made out pretty well ;-).

The whole Falcon Studio plucked and blow-dried gymbot look is tired, and has been so since at least 1995. Anyway, those people hardly exist, and the ones that do are assholes.

Give me a couple of naughty suburban dads or rauncy, paunchy blue-collar types any day.

To all the people talking about people needing to go to the gym before getting naked.....The camera definetly adds 10 pounds, and a lot of us are not so lucky as the lawn boy to have it added to our cocks!!!!

And also....did you make a porn? no? Then shut the fuck up.

I must second that take: While Kitty-Lynn Houston looked just a touch thick on camera, she was lean in person.

Um, we have a website... blush.

CSHS would have been a contender in the new "hot" or "hardcore" category announced last night. I thought it was very erotic, and really beautifully made.

As was the case last year, the funny HUMPs swamped the awards. People enjoy laughing. I guess in porn comedy is easy, drama is hard. I'm glad to hear that there will be two awards next year—hottest and funniest.

The "Fnarf" posting above is an imposter, obviously. I'm the real Fnarf and turd-eating is not in my repertoire.

You can do that?

Does anyone remember the name of that painted lady who called herself "Goddess" Something-or-Other? You know...the one who was licking her address sign and doing the creepy piano improv? She's cemented in my mind as the weirdest submission. Her entry was a special kind of horror that often had me looking away...and it just kept going...

GoddessKring, yes. Her horror is also available on public access and on a livejournal whose address I have thankfully forgotten.

Speaking of kinky sex in Seattle, what, no Slog post on the Seattle Craigslist BDSM controversy? Half the Net is talking about it.

HA! that is hilarious. Goddesskring was in Hump?!?!?!? I definitely missed that one. God, I remember too many nights seeing her on public access growing up. She was weird then and it seems is still holding the throne...

K, this surprises me as well. Half the net and even members of the world media are frothing over the story.

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