Oh, what a tangled web Hasselhoff weaves… According to TMZ.com, Knight Rider extraordinaire DAVID HASSELHOFF made a 911 call on Sunday night, claiming his daughter was trying to commit suicide. As it turned out, the daughter had merely been SCRATCHED BY THE FAMILY CAT, and according to former wife Pamela Bach, the 911 call was a power play meant to prove she was a bad mother. Sigh… Here are the details.

Bach says her daughter was scratched by the family cat Sunday night at around 6 p.m. She says her daughter was crying uncontrollably, so she called David and suggested that it might be appropriate for the girl to see a psychologist on Monday. At that point Bach claims David began ranting that he would call the police and bring her down.

Bach says at around 8 p.m. the police and paramedics arrived and said that David had called in a suicide attempt, so by law they had to take the girl to the hospital. She was released shortly after arriving there.

Hasselhoff’s publicist Judy Katz tells TMZ that Hasselhoff became alarmed when his older daughter called to say her sister was bleeding. Hasselhoff denies telling 911 about a suicide attempt, but his publicist says the 911 operator may have interpreted it that way.

Yeah… WHATEVER. On the other hand, take a look at this actual picture of Hasselhoff’s cat!

That bitch is a shredder if I’ve ever seen one. I need to see a psychologist just from looking at it.