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Monday, September 25, 2006

For Dan

Posted by on September 25 at 10:40 AM

Who prohibits the cooking of microwave popcorn at Stranger HQ: Popcorn Lung!


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I love stovetop popcorn, but microwave popcorn gives me INSTANTANEOUS MIGRAINE HEADACHES. I have successfully gotten it banned at my work, and whenever one of my clueless cow-orkers goes ahead and makes it anyways, on the erroneous assumption that if they then smuggle it into a closed office really quick, it won't be that bad, I get up from my desk and leave for the day. It is that bad. It's nasty, evil, bad stuff. It permeates every corner of the building for hours and hours.

Agreed, Fnarf. And I know about the lung thing—it's been known for years that the workers making that crap are getting sick. The stench from a single bag of MP stinks up the whole office for hours. And it gives me asthma attacks—it's like a large, hairy, smelly dog exploding in the office.

Oh, I wish it was only as bad as exploding dog. It makes my head feel tighter than a Garfield High sophomore's low-rise jeans (visible from here).

tighter than a Garfield High sophomore's low-rise jeans (visible from here).

Photos please?

Microwave popcorn is not organic or sustainable. It causes global warming. Go to Whole Foods and choose tofu spread with some organic crackers. It's healthier and tastes better.

Oye Como Va: If you think I'm going to go out in the parking lot and start taking photographs of teenage girls' asses on school property, with tons of schoolteachers and crossing guards and bus drivers and security guards standing around watching, you're sadly mistaken. I plan to sleep in my OWN bed tonight, not the King County Jail!

I simply fire workers who make microwave popcorn in my office ...especially when I am suffering from a poisonous hangover. Nothing will make me reach quicker for the wastebasket than the smell of well down microwave popcorn.

To order to satisfy the popcorn urges of my crew, I regularly purchase those large containers of popcorn that come in various flavours....I neither have to dismiss anyone nor vomit in the wastebin. A real win-win.

---Jensen

Microwave buttered popcorn smells FUCKING AWFUL, like piss. The stench spreads throughout the building as well. And yet, people cook it and they love it. What the fuck is wrong with people?

Regular popcorn, not so bad, but piss flavored popcorn I don't understand. I can't be the only one who notices how pissy the 'buttered' popcorn smells. Are people just brainwashed? Can they not discern the stench?

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