Hey! Did you catch the MTV Video Music Awards last night? Is your stomach still sore from all the RETCHING? Me, too! Seriously, Osama bin Laden should’ve celebrated 9/11 by flying a plane right down host Jack Black’s boring piehole while murdering every last one of those useless blights on society.
On the other hand, at least the VMA’s always produce some good gossip—such as this priceless piece about pre-VMA parties from Page Six…

Vanessa Minnillo and Nick Lachey raised eyebrows at the bash held at Tenjune. The heated-up lovebirds arrived after Lachey’s own party at Cellar Bar wound down and a besotted Minnillo was “all over Nick,” said our source - and the feeling was mutual. At one point, Lachey leapt up and gave his woman a steamy, face-to-crotch lap dance. Also there was Ryan Seacrest, who hung all night with Lance Bass and his boy toy Reichen Lehmkuhl.

Vanessa and Lachey’s crotch sittin’ in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N-G!