City Where Did All The Helmets Go?
I resisted for years. Decades. I fucking hate bike helmets—they’re hot, they’re uncomfortable (that freaking strap under your chin!), and you can’t help but look tarded wearing one. But my boyfriend and boss implored me to wear one—they both worried that I might fall and hit my head and suddenly realize that my whole life was a lie—and I gave in. Four years ago, I got my first bike helmet. It was blue and I hated it, but I wore the fucking thing. And when someone stole my dirty bike helmet a few months ago (?), I bought a new helmet.
But it seems like I’m the only person in Seattle wearing a bike helmet these days. I rode from Capitol Hill to the U-District and back this morning, passing dozens of folks on bikes, but I was the only tard out there wearing a helmet. What gives? Did I miss a memo or something? Are head injuries not a concern anymore? Are the streets paved with Marshmallow Fluff now?
You know, back before I started wearing a helmet absolutely everyone else was wearing them. It was the lone holdout. And while I felt and looked ridiculous once I started wearing my fucking helmet, I took comfort in the fact that we all looked ridiculous together, all us tards on our bikes. Somehow that took the sting out. But now? I ride around with a fucking bucket strapped to my head, the only tard out there in a helmet, seething with resentment and jealousy.