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Thursday, August 10, 2006

Real Men Don’t Make Lasagna

Posted by on August 10 at 12:32 PM

Well, this is depressing.

Some guy named Nirpal Dhaliwal argues at great length in today’s Daily Mail that women should embrace our sexual and reproductive servitude and stop “browbeating” men into listening to our hormonal prattling.

I couldn’t make this shit up:

Back in the Nineties, emboldened by the successes of feminism, women sought to slay the dragon of patriarchy by turning men into ridiculous cissies who would cry with them through chick-flicks and then cook up a decent lasagne.

Men cooking for women? Horrors!

Rather than partnership, professional women tend to seek dominance in a relationship. They map their lives out early on and pursue their dream of ‘having it all’ with cold-blooded ruthlessness.

Young women have a crystal-clear agenda: they want the career, the wardrobe, the smartly furnished house, the 4x4 and the cute kids they’ll ferry in it to expensive schools. No man is going to get in their way; and the men they choose for themselves are pliant and feeble enough to facilitate that programme.

But having ticked off the various items on their life checklist, women are left with a nagging sense of dissatisfaction. Where was the drama? Where was the passion? Where was the stimulation and growth?

Where was the sexual abuse? The cheating? The financial dependence?

It was all forsaken for an anodyne, materialistic shopping spree that is a Good Thing. ultimately a poor substitute for a real life. These women consider themselves to be alpha-females, but they are nothing but a pathetic sham.

Deep down, women love men who stand up to them, who won’t be pushed around. They love men who will look them in the eye and tell them to shut up when their hormonal bickering has become too much.

Yeah, I hate it when my hormones make me complain about having to do all the cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing with no assistance or emotional support. What I need is a real man who’ll stand up to me and shut me up!

I’m always telling my wife, the writer Liz Jones, to shut up. She gets into a prissy huff about it, but I know she respects me for not indulging her neuroticism. Long ago, I realised it is unhealthy for a man to embroil himself in arguments with women.

While men want an argument to make sense and have a rational conclusion, women solely want the argument itself: it’s a pressure valve for their emotions, and once they get started there is no stopping them.

Except by smacking them down and making them feel stupid and worthless for talking about their emotions, of course.

Real men don’t pretend or even try to understand women. They simply love them for being the mysterious, capricious creatures that they are. And they don’t take them too seriously, either. They know the vicissitudes of the female mind, its constant insecurities and the fluctuations in mood.

Unlike the steady, unfluctuating male mind, of course, which never produces a single thought that doesn’t “make sense and have a rational conclusion.”

Sometimes my wife bemoans my detachment and laissez-faire attitude to our marriage and wishes I were more wrapped up in her. I tell her she would soon get bored of it, because men who put women on a pedestal can’t make love to them in the way that women want.

A man who is too in awe of his woman isn’t going to tear her blouse open and ravish her on the couch; he isn’t going to pull her hair and whisper profanities in her ear. Whenever my marriage is at a crisis point, and my wife’s ego and mine are jostling for a position of supremacy, we inevitably have strenuous, battling sex.

And if women don’t want to give up that “position of supremacy,” if they aren’t willing to be submissive, sexually and otherwise, real men will just “walk out on” them. But fortunately, all women are naturally submissive, because

the female orgasm is the natural mechanism by which men assert dominion over women: a man who appreciates this can negotiate whatever difficulties arise in his relationships with them.

Good thing women haven’t figured out how to give themselves orgasms, because then how in the world would “men assert dominion over” them?

Here’s the kicker:

Last Christmas, my wife threw me out after discovering I’d been cheating on her. On the night we got back together, I made strong, passionate love to her. Unfaithful as I’d been, I was not going to let her have me over a barrel for the rest of our marriage. I needed to keep a sense of self and not allow her to mire me in guilt and a desperate quest of forgiveness.

I needed to let her know what she would be missing if we broke up for ever. I gave her a manful bravura performance that night, and at the height of her passion, I asked her: ‘Who’s the boss?’

The question threw her. Initially she wouldn’t give me a reply, but I enticed it from her. ‘You are,’ she finally gasped. ‘You are!’

Entice, threaten, frighten into submission… tomato, tomahto.

It’s worth reading the full article, if only to see the photo of Dhaliwal’s wife staring doe-eyed (and a little frightened?) into her “real man“‘s eyes.

CommentsRSS icon

Just curious, why is this newsworthy to you?

He's a sad sample of a human being. I can't comment on his poor wife.

I think it's one of the few good things you can say about (some) men, at least the ones he attacks in his article, that we responded to the changing dynamic of male/female roles by learning to cook lasagna. I have mastered a delicious recipe myself and the rewards i reap from my lovely lady for this token compromise of my manliness are way better then any grudge fuck this guy seems to think is the hallmark of a good marriage. Onward and upward, ladies. Viva la revolution!

See?!! When you outlaw bride burning, women start getting these ideas!

OK, I've said this before about The Sun. Nobody in Great Britain takes these publications seriously. I mean, they have naked ladies on page 3 for godsakes. That's not topnotch journalism!

Pointing out that the Daily Mail or the Sun is sexist, has bad writing, is racist, etc. -- well, you shouldn't be arsed, let's put it that way.

Ironically, he cheated on her with a lasagna.

This article is bullshit! Everyone knows the answer to "Who's the Boss?" is "TONY DANZA!"

Pathetic. Equating the ability to cook and a willingness to listen with non-male characteristics? That's just a man with zero confidence in his masculinity, who has to prop himself up with affairs and false machismo. I understand his point about not being a whipped loser, but relationships have to involve some compromise. And not just on her side. Typical Daily Mail drivel.

Oh puh-lease. Quit with the hormone-addled woman-whining and shut the christ up for once, I'm trying to watch football.
And where in the hell is my lasagna?

Where does one start? What a limp-dicked punk - the classic pussy would-be wife beater who feels inadequate around both women and other men.

His wife should thrown him out for good.

If the gays hadn't undermined traditional marriage so much, women would remember their place, dammit!

...and I bet he'd be crushed to learn that most of the orgasms he's taking all of the credit for giving someone were faked.

lasagna? To many calories, to many carbs, and well, too close to frozen dinner. Food which comes in a cardboard box does not say "I am man, I master fire, make my baby woman" BBQ ribs slow cooked for 6-8 hours over a smoky coals with home crafted bbq sauce. A Real Woman loves a Real Mans' ribs.

Daranee is right: this is THE DAILY MAIL. The whole PURPOSE of that paper is to print obnoxious sexist, racist rubbish. That's why it's THERE. It's like complaining that some of the stories in the Weekly World News are a bit far-fetched. D'ya think?

Sounds like he has women figured out about right. I'm so glad I'm gay and don't have to deal with all that bullshit.

Erica, what has you in such a huff about men these days?

Can you please at least make an effort to do a little research first? There have got to be some real studies on this stuff. If you are set on reporting about mail foolishness then give us some numbers and forgo the one off lame asses. You are a journalist after all correct? Don’t you ever worry about what people think of your credibility?

"Mail foolishness"?

Where in the world does that guy get the idea that men dominate women by giving them orgasms? Every woman knows that she's more likely to have an orgasm without a man than with.

Don't get me wrong, I love th' guys, but "so I can have orgasms" is NOT one of the reasons why.

And fake paper or not, there are guys out there who think this way. I met one of them within about a month of moving to Seattle. :P

I don't get it -- why are you reading the Daily Mail? It's trash. It's a right-wing tabloid. Ask an English person.

"Ask an English Person" sounds like the name for a new Stranger column.

Are we positive this didn't come from the Onion first? This thing reads like total satire to me. Either that, or the writer is a 30-year-old highschool dropout, 50 pounds overweight, with bad acne, who lives in his mother's basement and is a charter member of the Fighting 101st Keyboard Commandos - in other words, the type of male who has never, and will never, see an actual woman naked unless he pays $8 per soft drink for the privilege.

...oh, and it's Everready and Duracell that have mastered the art of female domination through the gift of orgasm...

Assault and Batteries!

Ooh, I like the idea of a column "Ask An English Person"!!!!!

Seriously cool.

Did you go to the link? My point was that, rag or not, the Mail actually has articles from both sides of the misogyny coin.

No, I didn't. I've read the Daily Mail before, and I don't need to read more. Finding a non-anti-woman article there doesn't mean anything; their purpose isn't to broadcast a point of view but to stir up trouble. The Daily Mail is a kind of "journalism" that we just don't have in this country, thank goodness; they make Fox News look like The Nation. Seriously: less tax and less blacks, that's their motto. Misogyny is nothing; they print "darkies back to Africa" editorials every frigging day in that thing. Maybe they throw in a pro-darkie bit every now and then, but it's only to stir the bigots into writing hysterical letters to the editor.

The Daily Mail is bad news. Don't read it. The madder you get, the more they laugh at you.,6000,1543533,00.html

It's interesting to read this article by Liz Jones, Nirpal's wife, after reading his article. Maybe he is misreading the dynamics of his relationship, a little bit, and is confusing "love of orgasm and manliness" with "sad insecurity from a lifetime of poor relationship choices."

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