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Wednesday, August 9, 2006

Paris Hilton’s Mysterious Ass Goiter

Posted by on August 9 at 13:31 PM

paris_hilton_150.jpg

Undoubtedly you’re familiar with the face and body of Paris Hilton, America’s premiere celebutante heiress-turned-internet porn princess-turned-reality TV star-turned multi-millionaire business woman-turned-fledgling pop star.

But are you familiar with her ass flap?

Hilton’s mysterious butt goiter (here’s another photo) has held the internet gossip hotspot Defamer in its sway ever since the strange flesh wad was first spotted cowering near Paris’s famously nonexistent butt.

Could the flaps simply be extra skin left over from her butt’s failure to materialize? Will the flaps grow larger as she ages? Or will the internet attention drive Paris to surgery? Who knows, but feel free to share your theories.

In the meantime, please enjoy this offering from an anonymous Defamer reader, who lays out the “Assy Knoll” theory.


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Her vagina has become so embarrassed by her it is attempting to crawl into her torso.

No, it's a collection of what little fat her body retains, mainly due to the fact that she probably does a whole lotta nothing all day. I can't wait to see her looks collapse over the years. That won't be pretty.

Get this girl a sammich, STAT!

Its probably the person's shoulder sitting behind her wearing the yellow tank top

Yes, I think it's just her butt cheek, viewed from the front. This view is obscured in normal persons by their thigh. Paris has no ass, but she's got even less thigh. But you're wrong, Gomez; watching her looks collapse over the years is going to be FANTASTIC.

Bush is the most pro-ass flap president we have ever had. America needs to stand strong with ass flaps now. The Stranger has gone against conventional Seattle wisdom and been pro-ass flap. Bush is the best American president ass flaps have ever known, and many in the Seattle Jewish community appreciate what Bush has done for ass flaps.

Josh, that's the best post you've ever done. Troll or not.

I like Paris Hilton. She is a role model for all rich kids of low character and no talent to speak of, in that she is harmless.

Imagine a world where Osama bin Laden, or George, Neil and Jeb Bush, had had Paris around to show them how to live? I only hope Jenna and Barbara are paying attention and don't make the same mistakes their father did.

Personally, I hope Jenna and Barbara don't make the same mistake their grandfather did, which was to breed.

Now that I think of it, Fnarf, you're right. It's going to be hilarious!

Schadenfreude, my friend. Don't knock it.

Wow that is one saggy ass, she's so fat.

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