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Friday, August 11, 2006

“Fat People Crying”

Posted by on August 11 at 12:41 PM

For the past two nights, the Key Arena has been filled with the two-headed hydra of country-flavored schlock known as Tim McGraw and Faith Hill’s Soul2Soul tour. Along with the married talents of the headliners, the tour brought to Seattle Center a sudden density of schlocky new country lovers, inspiring a number of remarkable eyewitness sightings.

The first comes from my better half Jake, whose summer job at the Children’s Theater puts him in the thick of Seattle Center happenings, and who snapped this photo of an image found on the back of all of Faith Hill’s tour buses:


Clearly it’s supposed to be Ms. Hill—the shoulder-width hair is indisputable proof. Still, if I didn’t know the image was placed on the back of a Faith Hill tour bus, I probably would’ve assumed it was one of those new Jack in the Box silhouettes, with a melted head.

The second sighting came from local comedian Emmett Montgomery, who reported watching a pair of McGraw and Hill fans waddling around with their wiener dog, which was dressed in an American flag sweater, a cowboy hat, and chaps (and goddamn I wish I had a photo of that.)

The final report comes, once more, from Jake, who caught a ride home from Seattle Center with a cabbie whose previous passengers had primarily been Key Arena concertgoers taking post-show cab rides home or to their parked cars. Asked by Jake to characterize the post-show concertgoers, the cabbie was impressively succinct: “Oh, you know—fat people crying.

Bless you, cabbie.

CommentsRSS icon

Fat people are gross. Typical ignorant Americans are fat, stupid, and don't know what year 9/11 happened. Imagine the smell of all those sweaty, fat bodies packed into that concert. Gross.

Uh, fat people aren't gross. Fat people are fat. And "fat people crying" is a priceless synopsis of the emotional appeal of McGraw-n-Hill's schlock country...

Not all of their fans are fat nor do I think that should be the issue. I know a couple of people-sister of my girlfriend and her boyfriend-who are not fat, but like the McGraw/Hill schlock. It's the conciousness that goes for this crap that is the problem, not their weight.

How's this:

The Wolf, ya know the station that plays flag-draped new country/patriotic shit, was handing out promotional blinking light badges last night. Just as I supsected: Made in China.

They are so fucking patriotic they buy all they promo items from communists.

That's like a fag basher wearing a pink pride shirt huh?

Please note that Tim McGraw is a Democrat who intends to run for governor of TN or Senate when the music thing runs its course. I for one hope he wraps up the crying-fat-people vote.

A douuble benefit. A democrat who can get elected in a red state, and less country music.

"Fat people crying" is making me cry tears of happiness and joy. That's beautiful.

Fat People sweat and cry at concerts. The acrid stench of Fat Sweat would drive any cab driver to make jokes about lard asses.

lose wieght lose wieght

By all accounts, Faith Hill's pores, in person, are bigger than manhole covers.

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