Slog - The Stranger's Blog

Line Out

The Music Blog

« The War is Still Over | "Fat People Crying" »

Friday, August 11, 2006

A bright spot in a gray afternoon

Posted by on August 11 at 11:48 AM

Here are two important lessons I have learned: I am always late to a good party,

And: When something you love has withered and died, make porn out of it.

Example: Buffy Porn, which I’d heard rumors of, but had never read. (As in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and if you’re groaning right now, you obviously haven’t watched season three and beyond, which is when it gets really good. Either that, or you are sadly a hooker with poor taste.)

Witness: The livejournal Femslash Porn Battle, a competition I found yesterday, but which ended over a month ago. The setup was simple; prompts were given in the form of a fandom, pairing, and inspiration word (BtVS, Willow/Buffy, pillow fight), and writers had four days to create pieces of short erotic fiction.

All of your old, retired favorites (as well as some current ones) are resurrected and primed for gropage: There is Buffy porn, Firefly porn, Battlestar Galactica porn, Harry Potter porn, even The Facts of Life porn. Most of it is terrible. Some of it is great. Either way, it is like stumbling upon a surprise party filled with old friends, and then watching them hump.

I loved the Buffy scenes for their sweet nostalgia, but my favorite was a bit of Harry Potter porn. In this scene, Professor McGonagall goes down on Hermione after offering her tea (how polite the English are!):

(Posted by Hermionesviolin)

[Hermione] could feel warmth welling up from the pit of her stomach and managed a small smile.

“That’s better,” McGonagall said. “Now let’s get you out of those damp clothes.”
Hermione looked up in surprise.

“You heard me.” McGonagall got up from her place at the table and lifted Hermione’s heavy cloak from her shoulders. Hermione stood, unsteadily, to allow her to take it off. She was still standing there when McGonagall came back from the coat closet. McGonagall gently unfastened her robes, letting them fall onto the chair behind her. She took Hermione by the hand and led her to the side of the room where the fire burned brightly. Hermione sat down on the thick red rug obediently. McGonagall slowly unfastened the buttons of Hermione’s blouse. Hermione closed her eyes and let McGonagall ease her backwards after she had taken off her bra…

In the end, Professor McGonagall gives Hermione quite the tongue lashing.
So Peruse. Laugh. Remember the good times (seasons 4-7).

CommentsRSS icon

Judy Dench plays Prof. McGonagall, right? Eww. Bad visual.

Aw, Cienna, you aren't REALLY saying that seasons 6 and 7 are better than 2, are you? The shark was jumped in season 5 (or possibly earlier).

Yes Jean, I am. And I will fight you on this. In gravy, if need be.

Seasons 5 & 6 were PB (Peak Buffy), in my opinion. And my opinion is *never wrong*...

I'll back you up on that. Seasons 5&6, pure goodness.

I'll back Jean up that Season Five was the pinnacle. But Cienna, thank you for finally bringing some Buffy love to Slog. Long overdue, in my opinion.

McGonagall is played (to perfection) by Maggie Smith. Judy Dench ain't so bad.

I see the musical making up for the after-school special aspects of season 6, but what do you see in season 7?

Season 3 far outstripped the final season- better villain, better story arc, less characters and more focus.

As a recent Stranger intern and a patron of LJ, I'm glad y'all have finally got the message. Fan!porn=good. Thanks for the tip!

Wow. I am distracted from arguing about which seasons of BtVS are the best [*cough*2&3*cough*] by the fact that you chose one of MY fics to excerpt.

Comments Closed

In order to combat spam, we are no longer accepting comments on this post (or any post more than 45 days old).