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Thursday, July 6, 2006

When the Rum Runs Dry

Posted by on July 6 at 8:41 AM

2depp2.jpgPirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest opens tonight at midnight (at Pacific Place and Cinerama, among others), and although everyone I know has been looking forward to Captain Jack Sparrow’s return to the big screen, many critics are no longer enamored.

Our own Bradley Steinbacher:”So much of Dead Man’s Chest is a reaction to the original’s success that all the originality has been ironed out of the franchise.”

FW Weekly: “…You never stop feeling the gears grinding. Not a single moment in the movie feels spontaneous.”

Chicago Tribune: “The original movie’s swashbuckling and drunken spirit has gone a bit stale, as Dead Man’s Chest is persistently silly but never that much fun.”

Regardless, the UK’s Daily Mail reports that Depp will be raking in the royalties: “The Sparrow character will feature on biscuits, cereal, chewing gum, frozen yoghurt, bean bags, baseballs, chess sets, Christmas decorations , dolls, Halloween costumes, pillowcases, sheets, disposable nappies [WTF?], stationery and many, many other items.”

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Hello, and welcome to Bradley Steinbacher day at the Slog.

Am I the only one on the planet who absolutely detested the first movie?

Anyone know where can I pick up a collectible "Captain Jack Sparrow Colostomy Bag"?




Big fan of the first movie

Nappies are diapers. Diapers often have cartoon characters on them. And now they will have Jack Sparrow on them.

When is Johnny Depp going to play a recognizable grownup?

Cap'n Jack isn't the cartoon here, it's Mr. Goofy Hair. Why Depp is allowed to get away with being the biggest prong in the history of Hollywood I just can't see.

Nobody cares what the critics want.

Everyone is seeing this movie. Let's see what the unwashed masses - the general public - says.

Plus, I think this will be a cool summer date movie.

Aaarr! Prepare to be boarded, me lass!

Dear Aaargh,

Yup, you're the only one. Go watch Gothika and stop whining.

FYI, the movie is not at cinerama. It was supposed to be, tho, and I'm curious why they dropped it.

Aargh - no, you are not the only one. I thought it was silly, cartoony, predictable, MUCH too long, and I did not find it fun at all. It was just annoying to me. Maybe it's because I'd just seen Master and Commander the day before, and I prefer a grownup movie to a movie based on a kiddie ride.

For what it's worth, I can't stand Disneyland either. I don't mean to be a buzzkill, but kiddie attractions just don't do it for me.

I have been a huge Johnny Depp fan since, like, his days on 21 Jump Street. In the first movie, I thought his take on Captain Jack was brilliant and fun. Geoffrey Rush made the villain more interesting than most. But these two good actors carried what was otherwise a fairly pedestrian movie. Orlando Bloom is cute, but his acting is lifeless and dull, particularly obvious when paired with someone like Depp.

Since the first movie made over $300 million, it was inevitable that Disney would make sequels. With one or two notable exceptions (Alien II), almost all sequels are a let down, and the corporate Disney machine has long ago lost any sense of real spontaneity. So I have low hopes for this movie.

So even though I love Depp, and enjoyed the first movie, I have no intentions of wasting my money on this inevitably throwaway sequel.

As the shamelessly pro-Depp (and pro-Knightley) film editor, I must admit that I sneaked into the Dead Man's Chest screening even though I'd already assigned Brad to see it. Brad was obligated to say it was kind of bad, because it was kind of bad, but all of you will secretly like it, as I secretly liked it. And all you people who are saying Orlando Bloom is bland--duh! That's the point! You're supposed to be wildly skeptical that the girl would stay with her pale, pleasantly bone-structured doof of a boyfriend when there's a eyeliner-ed Johnny Depp flouncing around.

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