This Saturday, 826 Seattle will be having a fundraiser. Here are the details:

826 Seattle Variety Show!

Come see the musicians, jugglers, and young comedians at the Phinney Neighborhood Center for the first-ever 826 Seattle Variety Show! Coconut Coolouts, The Bad Things, Lillydale, and The Trashies will be performing. Further distractions include an old-fashioned cakewalk, a cupcake-decorating station (featuring irresistible Cupcake Royale treats), and the Sonic Boom Celebrity Dunk Tank. Bring your friends. Bring the family.

Where: Phinney Neighborhood Center, 6532 Phinney Ave N (65th and Phinney)
When: Saturday, July 22, noon-5 p.m.
Cost: $6

Besides the fact that 826 is a ridiculously good cause, the Trashies are an amazingly fun band, and you’ve waited your entire life to finally see an “old-fashioned cakewalk” (not to mention that, like me, you have no idea what an “old-fashioned cakewalk” is), I have a more self-involved reason for posting this. I will be in the dunk tank from 12:30 until 12:50 p.m. I am incredibly excited about this—I think it was the job I was born to do. if I get dunked more than the other dunkees, perhaps a secret carny recruiter will see me for the closeted sideshow barker that I am and I will get to run away with a carnival, marry a woman named Placenta, and become the proud father of 5 sets of Siamese Twins. Please. Help me achieve my dream.