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Wednesday, July 5, 2006

The Morning News

Posted by on July 5 at 6:47 AM

North Korea (remember them? Part of the “Axis of Evil,” president is batshitcrazy) had a little Independence Day gift for America: long-range missile tests.

In Mexico, the conservative candidate has declared the victory, while his liberal challenger demands a recount. Looks like NAFTA didn’t just export jobs south of the border.

Discovery made it into space yesterday—well, except for some foam, which NASA says is no big deal.

Israel vs. Palestine: “You hit one of our schools, we’ll hit your Interior Ministry.”

Car thefts are down in Seattle. Meanwhile, King County Executive Ron Sims wants $6.8 million for new furniture.

Seattle police arrest patriotic man for scaling a crane in Belltown to watch the fireworks. FOX News declares liberals are waging “War on Independence Day.”

950—count ‘em, 950new condos and apartments are being proposed for a parking lot near Qwest Field. If the proposal is accepted, the number of Pioneer Square residents will double.

World Cup: Italy shocks Germany. Meanwhile, in a real sport, a new world record is set.

Our very own Seattle Mariners can’t win in their own division.

And finally, Ice Age bones have been discovered in Los Angeles.

CommentsRSS icon

How can we overlook THIS!?

HAHA. or you could make a whole new post out of it. don't mind the retarded dude who just woke up... move along.

Obviously, the RV Show people are rather pissed about losing the Qwest Field parking lot. And a lot of Seahawks fans are gonna be pretty pissed once construction begins.

I don't give a shit about them, really, but I found it funny enough to mention.

"950—count ’em, 950—new condos and apartments are being proposed for a parking lot near Qwest Field. If the proposal is accepted, the number of Pioneer Square residents will double."

Oh, great, double the number of homeless people kicked out and sent to live on the street in Fremont and Ballard, just what we need.

Where's the sarcasm key?

They shouldn't count as "long range missiles" until they actually go long range, instead of falling apart mid-flight.

During the hotdog eating contest, the ESPN announcer says, "... if Joey Chestnut can win this contest, it will change the course of this nation."

I happened to watch that crazy dude up on the crane. Its a fucking wonder that he didn't fall off and kill himself. I nearly peed myself watching him walk back and forth on that thing....

"Mariners can't win in their own division."

You can feel the M's confusion at their own confidence level, while you're sitting there wishing they tasted the blood in the water instead.

Meanwhile, Tampa Bay, doormat of the American League East, obviously delights (delight = tight "losing team" team spirit, unlike the M's) in taking their shots at the Yankees and Red Sox. Take, for example, The Rays taking two of three from the Sox in this week's series. In the rubber game, TB's Carl Crawford stole second, third, and, yes, home in the game. Now that's how to have fun in your division.

"War on Independence Day"? Really? Wow. Someone forgot to tell my neighborhood. Shit was blowing up all night.

Oh wait, maybe that was the war...

You know, if there's anything more fucking pathetic than people in power boo-hooing and inventing issues to feel oppressed about, I'll be damned if I know what it is. "War on Christmas" "War on Religion" "War on Independence Day" "War on Halfwitted Knuckle-Dragging Misogynistic Homophobic Bigots" my lily-white ass. Whiners make me tired.

If Ron Sims wants new furniture, I say he can pay for it out of pocket. Otherwise, he should take his used discount furniture for the new building and shut his mouth.

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