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Tuesday, July 4, 2006

The Morning News

Posted by on July 4 at 8:30 AM

War: An ex-soldier is being held for rape and the murder of three people in Iraq.

Politics: Conservatives have a slim lead in Mexico’s presidential election.

The Final Frontier: Space shuttle Discovery is scheduled to launch today—if NASA can keep it from blowing up, that is.

Seattle Mariners: ouch.

Independence Day: Let the eagle soooaaaaaarrrrrrrrr!

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The neocons won't be able to resist the 2006-elections marketing potential of claiming to have thwarted a terrorist plot against the space shuttle on Independence Day.

I can hear Bush now:

"Good evening, my fellow Americans. On this, the very day that we celebrate the founding of our great Democracy, I have ordered that schools be closed as a safety measure against the evil terrorists led by Iran. Thanks to me, the terrorists failed in their attempt to strike at a peaceful symbol of our accomplishments. The Republicans of congress thwarted those evil plans.

Let me make clear that this attack by agents of Saddam was unprovoked and we shall bring to justice those who assisted the evil terrorists. Did I say the terrorist plot was thwarted by members of the Republican party?

Sadly, it now appears that secret information was fed to the terrorists by cut-and-run Democrats in Congress and by a photo of the space shuttle printed in the New York Times this morning. Recognizing the danger posed to America by such hate groups within our midst, I have requested and received legal warrants to detain and hold such enemies of we, the American people and of Jesus Christ our savior.

Myself and GOP members of congress will meet tonight for a photo op at the foot of the statue of liberty with fireworks in the background and a halo effect of some kind over my head.

God bless America! (Now watch this drive.)

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