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Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Notes From The Prayer Warrior

Posted by on July 5 at 11:13 AM

Wondering how Ken Hutcherson spent the Fourth of July? Wonder no more…


July 5, 2006

Dear Prayer Warrior,

Please pray for me as I re-injured my chest last night when I fell on a propane tank. I will be going in this morning to make sure I haven’t cracked some ribs. Pray that I will recover quickly from this, and I will be ready for Gideon’s Posse this Friday night!

Your Pastor,

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wow. even hank hill is against him.

I love how he shares all his minor misfortunes with his online congregation.

"Dear Prayer Warrior, Please pray for me and my bowels as I deal with the aftermath of a particularly heavy mexican dinner last night. I should have listened to my wife and just got a salad, but that triple-layer enchilada just sounded so good. Anyway, with the help of Jesus, I should be healthy and spewing shit out of my mouth again in no time."

Note to Hutch: Courvoisier and Tequilla doesn't mix. Especially when you have propane tanks lying around.

Was he choking on a pretzel at the time?

Speaking of which, was the "good" rev. at the Geo.Bush Gazillion dollar a plate fundraiser in Medina?

God seems to be punishing him with minor inconveniences an awful lot.

Never mind the Hutch! How's the tank?

Matthew 13:37-43

37He answered, "The one who sowed the good seed is the Son of Man. 38The field is the world, and the good seed stands for the sons of the kingdom. The weeds are the sons of the evil one, 39and the enemy who sows them is the devil. The harvest is the end of the age, and the harvesters are angels.

40"As the weeds are pulled up and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of the age. 41The Son of Man will send out his angels, and they will weed out of his kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil. 42They will throw them into the fiery furnace, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. 43Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. He who has ears, let him hear.

I always considered myself a charcoal man, but after this i gotta say "Yay 4 propane!"

It would make a great book: A former football player turned "pastor" who suckers a bunch of idiots into attending his "church", which is held in a school gym.

By citing random Bible verses and the occassional reference to some obscure evildoer, he is able to keep an unknown number of "prayer warriors" busy, and presumably tithing.

Brilliant when you think about it.


Have you ever attended Antioch or heard a sermon by Hutch?

Nope. I don't have time for shysters and their nutcases - especially shysters that promote hate to fill the collection box.

And spare me any "love the sinner hate the sin crap". Hate is hate, no matter how you slice it. The only one who can judge is God, and that ain't Hutch.

But I tell you what: You read "Elmer Gantry" and I'll go to a service with you. Can I wear street shoes in the gym?

Don't Hutch's prayer warrior updates remind you of Mark "Mom" Finley's column in the Seattle Gay News?

Perhaps they're the same person!

Anyone notice the tree at the WH that God felled recently? And Ken Lay being "taken"?

Hmm. God has a D in it, I guess.

Gideon's Posse? Who comes up with these things?

Gideon's amazing story is told in the Bible in the book of Judges.


I loves LOVES me a game of Bible Triva: The Game Where Trivia Is Not Trivial-- care to get totally wasted with me this weekend and battle it out? call me!!


Truth, believe it or not, there are those of us who know our Bible stories who haven't been "blessed" with the burden of the Antioch Gym.

I have no problem with people being religious, but when they adopt a literally holier-than-thou attitude, that's when the world starts going to hell, and I hit the sarcasm button.

You do your thing, I do my thing, we'll all get along fine.

In the first version of Hutch's letter he was going to come clean: "I re-injured my chest last night in an unfortunate smelting accident." But he thought better of it and thus the propane tank cover story.


In which statement did I seem holier- than-thou? Certainly you can't call all religious people the same in their attitudes and actions.

Being a Christian has a lot less to do with knowing Bible stories and a lot more to do with sincerely believing and accepting what Christ did for us when He gave his life on the cross and offered us the free gift of eternity with Him in heaven. Unlike the world, He accepts us despite our faults because God created us. We are offered a lifetime of forgiveness and unconditional love if we just believe.

I'll read your book if you really want me to, but will you really come to my church with me? I promise you can wear whatever shoes you want!


For what purpose would we be playing Bible trivia whis weekend?


We'll be playing for bragging rights. DUH!!!



Bragging isn't really my thing. If you ever want to learn more about the Bible, let me know and I'd be happy to play a game of trivia with you!

Anyone can read a Bible and know the stories that are told in it. Only by seeking wisdom from God can you really understand the true message of the stories.

Truth, first you claim you aren't being "holier than thou", then you go preaching to us again, as in

"Being a Christian has a lot less to do with knowing Bible stories and a lot more to do with sincerely believing and accepting what Christ ....." etc, etc, etc.

Who are YOU to tell any of us what faith is or isn't? Why can't you be happy with your faith in God and stop prosletyzing?

I'm happy for you and your faith. I don't know how you find it in a self-absorbed blowhard like "Hutch", but to each his own. I just don't want to hear about it. And I don't want you making decisions for me based on your interpretation of faith.


What I shared about being a Christian were not my own words, but words from the Bible. If you can' accept it that is your choice. You're not rejecting me, you're rejecting God. As a Christian I am called to be a witness for Christ. The Bible describes hell as such an awful place I wouldn't want my worst enemy to spend eternity there. Knashing of teeth and the absence of god (love), total isolation ect...doesn't sound like much fun. My motives are pure. I want others to experience a better way. A purpose with real meaning and a God who gives love unconditionally.

I don't get what's so awful about the "gnashing of teeth"? I often grind my teeth when I sleep. Sure, I wish I didn't and my jaw might be a little sore the next morning, but come on, THAT is supposed to deter me from going to hell? Plus, I think I might prefer total isolation to having to hang around a bunch of do-gooders who have their noses so firmly planted up Jesus' butt they can smell the Last Supper.


It sounds as if you will enjoy where you are going very much then! However, grinding your own teeth in your sleep might be a bit different from listening to others do it all the time for forever.

I am always curious how an "unconditionally loving God" can send his creation to hell for an eternity. Sounds like a condition to me! Act a certain way or you will be damned forever. No forgivness for you if you do not "do it the right way" ie in accordance to a confusing document that has been edited/transcribed hunderds of years over through a very uncontrolled process by humans. The God I know is MUCH bigger than this simplistic dogma. She/He/It also gave us a brain for a reason. Thank goodness many of us are using ours to decide what is alive and real to us (as opposed to blinding following) - this is the only way to authentic experience. When one person interfers with anothers direct connection to his/her idea of creator/God/spirit - it is just a human agenda. Mundane, self-serving, predictable human agenda. *Yawn*

Yes, there are a few mysteries here. Why is this supposedly all-powerful God so hung up on whether his little ants "believe" in him or not? Why should he care? What conceivable difference could it make to Him, or to us? God is pretty powerful stuff, and we are to Him much less than an ant to us, or even a bacterium. What would you call a person who had a collection of bacteria that he demanded obedience from, rewarded it when it was given and punished it when it was not?

A nutcase, that's what you'd call him. Is God a nutcase?

"What I shared about being a Christian were not my own words, but words from the Bible. If you can' accept it that is your choice. "

No, it's from YOUR interpretation of the Bible - a book which, btw, has been messed with many, many times throughout the ages in order to satisfy previous generations of "Hutches"

It's fine with me that you read it that way, but again - don't presume to act or think or interpret to me. Everyone accepts or rejects God in their own way.

To me, the biggest blasphemy a believer in a creator can commit is to surrender your intelect to a blind faith. Faith without doubt is just mental masturbation.

Well, it sure sounds like MY prayers are being answered! Maybe next time G-d will see to it that he breaks a leg!

It is not God who needs us but in fact the other way around. There is only one sin that He will not forgive and that is not accepting Him. If we don't accept Him, why should we get to spend eternity with Him in heaven? He still loves us even if we don't return that love or try to act as if we don't need Him in our lives. God doesn't demand our obediance at all. He gives us free will to make our own choices. He also gives us the gift of eternal life with Him if we truly accept Him but a gift that's demanded is no gift at all. You can pick apart the Bible all you want. You can say it's been messed with, interpreted incorrectly ect.....your pride can prevent you from believing anything you don't want to believe. There were people that saw Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead in the book of John and STILL they did not believe that He was God's son.

Someone explain to me how a former professional athlete - one assumes a certain amount of physical coordination - manages to fall on a propane tank? Certainly the demon rum couldn't be involved, could it? Perish the thought!


Who is the MUCH bigger He, She, It God that you claim to know?

Jeez Truth - are you for real? Seriously, You sound like a Stepford wife.

Maybe that's the secret of Antioch.

And Geni, that's not fair - Hutch just isn't very coordinated. I'll never forget the time he dropped that 12 pack on his instep....

I don't claim to know any such thing. I just find the idea of a God who gives a flying crap what stupid little humans think or do totally laughable. The God that you describe is a drooling idiot playing with dolls.

Looking at the world, I sometimes think we are a colony of Sea Monkeys that a childish creator has outgrown and left on the kitchen window to dry out.

Fnarf wins!

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