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There's always the Erection Company...
Personally, I miss the S & M Market (great t-shirts!)
The Wizard Hat -- if it were to be less magical and more realistical -- would be more conical and the same color as a brown crayon.
If the Porta user were to be protected by Magic Spells once inside the facility, he or she would be armed with a "Speeding Up" or "Slowing Down" spell, perhaps tricked out with a "Can't Smell" spell, as well as a "Low Temperature" spell.
The ass-cherry on top of the ass-sundae would be exiting this Magical Machine having already been miraculously 'ported to the front of the high-season, Sunday afternoon car-waiting line for Anacortes.
There IS no place like home.
It isn't in Seattle, but as an ex-St. Louisan I feel compelled to mention Mr. Happy Crack (A dry crack is a happy crack!):
You can now at last buy the shirts online, he he he
I can't speak for Mr. Happy Crack, but personally, my experience has been that cracks are always much happier when they aren't bone-dry...chafing, ya know.
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Nice, but it doesn't compare to my 2 other NW favorites
-T&A supply
and
-Tacoma Screw
Wizard of Oooze would make a better porn name though.