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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Willy Wonka and the Air Disaster

Posted by on June 29 at 15:11 PM

A couple weeks ago I took a flight on Sun Country (think Southwest without all the perks). Before we took off I looked through passenger safety information.


Something strange caught my eye in the final frame:


Now I don’t fly all that often, so maybe I’m not up to speed on the latest in airline safety pamphlets, but it seemed a little odd that Willy Wonka would suddenly make an appearance, especially since he’s nowhere to be found anywhere else in the pamphlet.

Can someone offer an explanation?

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sure - it is obvious that while you may not take your purse or any personal belongings with you, any item crucial to your ensemble (ie: purple top hat) is acceptable.

Airtoons Safety Procedure #42.

I got nothin - this is the most intriguing air travel mystery since DB Cooper (Doobie Keebler?). For a moment i thought he as a 19th century gay (Oscar Wilde) hijacker; everyone seems to be trying to get away from him.

Unrelated note: I realize this is one of the ultimate "careful what you wish for" statements, but i've always wanted to use one of those inflatable slides.

Where are the Oompa Loompas? What's going to happen to the Oompa Loompas? :(

Look,'s one thing to fill the plane with fizzy bubbles...but when I looked out the window to see that centipede crawl across that guy's face...THAT'S TOO MUCH!

pg--Or, maybe this is the work of Project Mayhem...has anyone seen Tyler Durden lately?--seattle

From now on, I'm only flying AirSlugworth.

The Oompa Loompas are stored in the overhead storage compartments, and sadly left on board.

What, with only half a yoke, a single rudder, a cracked, 'driver-side' windshield, a split radar dish, and an incorrectly-figured, half tank of fuel -- all leading up to malfunctioning flaps, slats, airelons, spoilers and elevators on the one side of the aircraft -- Captain Wonka is the fuck out the door in search of a half-dozen stiff "Jolly Ranchers".

Where's Waldo?

brad, that's what you get for flying an airline that no one has even heard of! you are lucky that tin can didn't go down in flames.

wonka is there to take your mind off the fact that the plane you are in was purchased at a garage sale. in india. i'm glad you survived.

note to keck: ignore previous pleas to slash steinbacher's salary and bump him up a notch on the compensation package. although, if he weren't squandering his ducats on booze and pot and god knows what kind of porn, he could probably at least afford southwest.

The Great Glass Elevator must've been broken.

Also note that that last frame tells you specifically to jump out onto the slide, not sit on it. Right. Most air travelers even physically able to do that (what percentage of us is obese?) would freeze at the last minute and not be able to. Or try and not do it properly and get hurt worse. But, has a plane ever been evacuated like that? I suppose there have been instances of fires starting on the runway...

Some graphic designers idea of a joke that made it past the editors.

Duh... Willy Wonka flies the jet!

SRSLY, tho, that's hilarious.

Daddy, I want a plane like this! I want you to buy me a big pink boiled-sweet plane exactly like Mr Wonka's! And I want lots of Oompa-Loompas to fly me about, and I want a cotton candy spun airway and I want... I want...

When I worked for Boeing, I got to do the evacuation testing for the 757. It was fun. We did it on a mockup, way back in like 1981 or something, then about two years later, I got to do it on the real plane. The first time, they kept us for two days and we did something like three evacuation tests per day; the second time, on the real plane, it was two tests in four hours.

They do it with real flight crews, too. The crews keep you sitting in the plane long enough to get sleepy, cranky, bored, cramped, and hot (just like a real flight!), then all of a sudden all the lights go out, they start yelling and running up and down the aisle, and screaming at you to get out. Some of the testers were issued "babies" too, dolls. They weren't supposed to do what they did in at least one case, which is wing the thing over the side of the slide before going down. ;-) (Mine is an Evil Laugh, har har har!)

You DO jump onto the slide, not sit. If you don't, or if you hesitate at all, the flight attendants give you a healthy shove. The biggest danger is that the bottom of the slide is made non-skid, to slow you down, and you want to get the hell OFF that thing as quickly as possible, otherwise a 300-lb fellow passenger is going to land on the back of your neck.

A few people were hurt, one seriously. Most of the injuries were people getting kicked or stepped on at the bottom of the slide, but one person somehow managed to go over the side at the top.

I thought it was fun. I hope I never have to do it in real life, on a plane that ISN'T sitting on the ground.

That is classic. In the same vein, you might like this collection of airline pamphlets:

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