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Monday, June 12, 2006

re: Scientology in the Park

Posted by on June 12 at 17:17 PM

Our intrepid news intern, Sarah, reports from inside the tent:

The bright yellow Scientology party tent sprawls across Westlake Center, cheerfully advertising “Stress Test!” I duck inside and begin to read one of the many posters hanging along the side of the tent. It’s about Emotions. “Hi,” a soft voice says behind me, “I’m Jeff. Do you want to take a tour?” Jeff, a middle-aged man with chest hair poking out of his “Volunteer Minister” T-shirt, shows me a poster of L. Ron Hubbard. “Have you ever read Battlefield Earth?” Jeff asks, “That’s an amazing book.” One of the posters shows a child crying because he fell out of a chair. I ask if they have pamphlets about falling out of chairs and Jeff hands me one from the giant stack on a table. “They’re only $5, plus tax,” he says politely. I’ll take a stress test for free, please. Jeff guides me over to a man with bushy eyebrows and American flag suspenders who introduces himself as Phaxon. Phaxon administers stress tests via “E-Machine”: a silver box emblazoned with a dial and L. Ron’s signature. “You need full contact,” Phaxon tells me, placing two metal cylinders in my hands, “Now think about people and events in your life.” I draw a blank. The E-Machine dial doesn’t change. I try to think about something scary. Tyrannosaurs Rex! The dial jumps and Phaxon looks straight into me, “What was that?” After a few more minutes of embarrassingly little dial action, though, it’s obvious I’m failing the Scientology test. No buried childhood scars equates to zero penchant for fighting Thetans.

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Waitaminute!Is that a big ole cross on that Dianetics-mobile? They're not into a Christian trip are they? Or is it just another trick?
What kinda game are they PLAYING anyway?

I am so suing all of you for this blog entry, and these blog entry responses.

All of you. Talk to the hand, then my lawyers.

Those yellow tent are cool - homeless housing?

I think the attrction to these people would benefit the godless staff of the Straner - which is a play on the same gig - ie, Staner in a Strang Land.

But I do like the tents...... why is this any worse than the other cults and all their gimmicks?

I was in Turin last week and saw a tent set up in a densely populated area, with a sign that read, "Test Della Tensione Gratuito." Yes, the Scientologists are in Italy -- I thought it was bad enough when, while living in Edinburgh this year, I passed by the local "Hubbard Academy" every day on my way to class.

It's like Cirque du soleil, only dullery, wackier, and without as much flesh on display.

sara you look so...unstressed! good for you and your new friends!

So that's who those jokers at Greenlake were on Sunday!

it's june 14 and they're BAAACKK.

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